On Stubbornness and Self
I wish I’d known…and with that, I bite my lip, downcast and suddenly unsure of myself, uncertain of my complaint. It seems flimsy now. Invalid. Because I remember you *tried* to tell me. You always tried to tell me.
Ten Things of Thankful 140 (Jetlagged) #10Thankful
“I wish I found some better sounds no one’s ever heard, I wish I had a better voice that sang some better words…” It’s all gone out of the window this week, as I knew it would. Jetlag is a beast, especially when (through lack of any remaining annual leave) you have to crash-land back…
Who am I now?
I remember when I was very young, all the girls in my class wanted to be called Jessica. Goodness knows why, or which Jessica inspired the trend – I was never trendy, and so far outside anything resembling ‘popular’ that I’d no clue the heritage of the craze – but I allowed myself to be…
Mirror, Mirror, tell me true…
When I look in the mirror, I see…someone no longer able to call herself a ‘girl’, not really, because her skin is dry and beginning to show signs of wrinkles. Seeing that skin, harshly lit, in the mirror of a public restroom last week, showing wear and tear from living, and from neglect, prompted me to…
Ten Things of Thankful 135 (Looking Forward) #10Thankful
In the beginning – the VERY beginning – the Ten Things of Thankful were used as justification to continue to the next day. I was in my late teens, coming gradually out of the darkness and misery of bullying and abuse from what felt like all corners (in reality it was only home and school,…
Frozen
That I’ve spent the last ten minutes staring into space wondering whether to title this post ‘So…this is progress’ or ‘Woefully inadequate’ should give you some idea of my frame of mind. That I’ve spent the last 20 minutes wondering aloud whether to write (because I want to) or go to bed (because it’s late,…
I promise I’m not just stupid…
Who’s done it? I bet you have. Four days into the new year and I told myself (like you probably did) that I wasn’t going to be one of those people…you know…those stupid idiot people…the ones who, in spite of gearing up for and celebrating New Year’s Eve in whatever fantasmagorical way they chose, somehow *cannot* remember…
Salt Tears and Steel Toe Caps
The other night I got glared at and kicked right in the needy. It was all metaphorical, though the love with which the kick was aimed, was very real. And sometimes I need that kind of rough-and-ready reality check, particularly at the moment.
Ten Things of Thankful (Even Though I Never Figured Out The Number) #10Thankful
Have you ever really stopped to consider your impact on other people? Maybe those young, impressionable faces in your lives, who look up to you as a role model, and who will be silently taking on board the way you live your life; the way you approach a challenge; the way you celebrate; the way…
I probably won’t have children of my own
After everything which has happened, and all the complications, health, mental-health and relationship challenges I’ve faced, I feel (right now) as though if I were going to have kids, I’d need to meet someone worth having them with yesterday. I checked yesterday – I didn’t meet anyone. So I’m over at Club Mid @ Scary…
