Ten Things of Thankful 154 (Happy for NOW) #10Thankful

Here I am. Now. RightNow, listening to the irritation of a man trying to fix his dishwasher, humming in between yelling at his camera as he tries to isolate the problem (to tell the people who are paid to do the fixing, so they might be able to offer a quick-and-less-expensive fix); to the small sounds and smells of the girl sat at the table across the room, nibbling mozzarella sticks,which she’s SO excited about being able to eat, having had her 10 reluctant baby teeth pulled just the other day; to an airplane droning outside, overhead…and now not quite so overhead…filled with people experiencing the anticipation or sadness or anxiety or whatever of their tin-can-through-the-sky-Now. 

There are windchimes in the billowing, hot, Oklahoma City wind in the shrubbery outside the windows. Now.

There is cool granite under my forearms and the gentle tap-tap-tapping of the sleek, gentle-cornered keys under my fingertips as I write. Now.

Now – the week in which my life changed more than it ever has before, and also the week in which I acknowledge all the stepping stones and circumstances-begetting-circumstances, persons involved, situations gone by, responses, decisions, actions and reactions, which have brought me to it.

Happy for NOW - summat2thinkon.wordpress.com

Now – the week in which my life changed really not much at all because I am still the same me, or almost the same me, as I was before my life changed course so dramatically, because every stepping stone, person, circumstance, evolution of situation, response, decision, action and reactions, has had incremental impact – every single Now-me in each of those moments has led to the Next-me, and the next, and I will continue to evolve into the future.

It is that future which has changed. Not the me.

Well. Maybe the me.

I have a new name – a new identity – and I thought about this whilst running laps around the lake this morning, hot sweat sliding down the same forehead I’ve aways had, tangling and staining the hair which has stuck with me through the styles, now beginning to show threads of glittering silver in amongst the brown. I realised I am still entirely the same me – my cells a little older and on their whateverth cycle of regeneration, but my ‘self’ness is not now, nor has it ever been reliant on a name.

Except that it has, in other ways unrelated to grey hairs and lakeside thoughts, because Now I have documents which don’t make me cringe, don’t force me to hearken back to people or situations which shaped me through darkness and pain. However much good I’ve chosen to create from those times – however much I’m thankful they happened for the honing and firing and hammering, I’m far more thankful about being freed from them, even if only in name.

This was my 'I can do hard things' face, from one of the Now-me's of the day I wrote this...

This was my ‘I can do hard things’ face, from one of the Now-me’s of the day I wrote this…

I have a new future – a new destiny – sealed this week when I passed a skills and abilities test with flying colours, and was accepted (should I so want the position (and I do, so, SO want the position)) to undertake massage therapist training at a local college and SPA, which has a *fabulous* ethos and reputation, and a director whose mind is INCREDIBLY wonderfully one I understand and can get alongside. Our email exchanges thus far have been a delight – he’s quoted Plato, I’ve quoted Maslow, and we just GET each other. Time disappeared and we talked for nearly four hours…

I am, as ever, thankful – enormously so – for the friends and family and circumstances, happenstances, serendipitous moments between the wires, and all the love and thoughtfulness, the encouragement and support, the shoring up in the dark times and the suggesting of new directions, which have enabled me to get to this Now.

I have an immediate past which comprises the wonder of being with my Person, my Sunset, in her house, part of her everyday, able to help and support her in small ways even as she provides the place and possibility that enables my future. I’ve been able to hang out with her kid, who is wonderful and spirited and creative and a tonne of fun, and we have HAD a tonne of fun. I’ve even made friends with the dog (former nemesis; still licks my ankles).

I’ve been visited by my Dyannedillion (who escaped Death By Tornado on her way home). I’m anticipating a visit from Renee, who is bringing a boob-squeeze from my dance partner, Squishy. I’ve spoken on the phone with my BlogSister, Abbie, for a long and wonderful time. I’ve chatted with others who matter HUGE to me, in their TimeZone, at last. I’ve missed others, BigLots. I’ve made new friends of Sunset’s friends, and re-met friends of hers who were new-to-me last time I visited. I am new. I am renewed. I am new-to-them, and it’s been LOVELY.

I have an immediate future steeped in the opposing emotions of delighted comfortableness and twisted grief; a necessary losing and gaining of time Without, and With…months in which I must endure and enjoy and encapsulate my life in a way which makes it move-across-the-ocean-able come November – a time which will tear my life, and my already dual-homed heart, still further in two.

I am, as ever, a mixture. A convergent blend and culmination of the people, places, times, circumstances, influences, behaviours and decisions of every Then-me until this moment: I am festering resentment, I am diligent support, I am nervous anxiety, I am devoted actions on behalf of, I am unexpected love…

By the time you read this, I will be several more culminations further along, and who knows what or who I’ll be, but I’m thankful for the opportunities, and all the things and people which help to create each one.

I am the culmination of all my Befores.

I am Now.

 

This post hit two blog-hops with one whatnot, so feel free to jump into either/both, and be a reader, a sharer, a participant, an observer, a lover…just don’t be a hater.

Ten Things of Thankful runs Friday evening to Monday morning (or thereabouts) and Finish the Sentence Friday (hosted by the most delicious Kristi Campbell, and this week’s sentence thinker-upper, Upasna Sethi) runs over the weekend (probably).

Finish the Sentence Friday

 

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74 thoughts on “Ten Things of Thankful 154 (Happy for NOW) #10Thankful

  1. Well done working the two hops/prompts. My approach was to bail out on FTSF. But, in my defense, I was out doing all the things with Zilla and the Hub. I freaking miss them today. *sigh*
    I love your post – it is nine kinds of happiness and content and hope. I like now-you. I liked before-now-you, too, but I really like now-you, too. ❤ Now come visit me, dammit.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yay, I made your list!
    I love that I know exactly where you were sitting and can see the girl with you and the lake and the grape-stealing dog and the Person.
    Five months and counting!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heheheh YESS! I also hit my head on the countertop when I was cleaning, in exactly that place where I sat. DOH! I love that you know who and where and what I was at, and that you were part of it.

      COUNTING DOWN INDEED!

      Like

    • I’m quite glad for that – by resisting any temptations to ever ‘niche’ myself into not writing *about* myself, I’ve managed to create rather a wonderful little record of just how incredibly MUCH life can change with time and positive input 🙂

      Like

    • Awwwh thanks so much, my friend. I am trying my darndest, now I know FORSURE what I want to do with my life. That in itself is HUGE 🙂

      ❤ ❤

      Like

  3. Happy for you surrounded by people who helped you to reach the zenith. You smile is childlike. Thanks for sharing. I am happy being here to witness the part of your lives.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww thanks Upasna. I am told that my smile is one of my best features, which I can quite believe. And I am SO fortunate to be surrounded by wonderful people. I couldn’t do (so many things) without them.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I fully intend to – I want to wow them and make them want to keep me (I think I’ve already done that a little, which is very encouraging) 🙂

      Like

    • Thank you so much 🙂

      Yes…it’s tough sometimes to pay attention to our own worlds – something of a ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’ situation. Worth trying though – whenever I remember, I find it a helpful exercise.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this! I am so happy for you! I”m so glad you’re going to be here. You deserve so many wonderful things and serendipity and the wonderful things that life can impart are coming your way. It’s interesting, no? The ups and downs that make us stronger and willing to leave what was then to form a new now. I just could hug you SO BIG right now. Sending you warm thoughts and wishes for safe travels and more thoughts of happiness.

    Liked by 1 person

    • *HUGE HUGS*

      I just marvel at how much my hopes and dreams and priorities have changed, and how the ups and downs of life have shaped the Now in glorious ways I could never have imagined (although I was always told they would). I think once more you and I are on somewhat parallel paths as we discover new futures which are entirely NOT what we anticipated before things changed us.

      And THANK YOU! I am so so excited to know it’s REALLY going to happen. I’m REALLY coming over. For learning and hopefully for good.

      Like

  5. Well, it looks like I’ll hafta start planning a trip to Oklahoma. It’ll hafta be in the winter, though, cause I don’t do tornadoes.

    Congrats on passing and being accepted! I’m so glad all of your hard work and patience has paid off.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my dear friend, I haven’t stopped thinking about you and reading this makes me SO thankful for every part of you and this NOW you are currently experiencing. I CELEBRATE with you- this incredible new possibility and plan… I APPLAUD all your efforts and ALL of what you have worked so so hard to accomplish.

    I just know the future you will be even more glorious and every now you find yourself in, will surely bring more and more joy into your life.

    I only wish I could have talked to you. How long are you in the states? You have my number, right? Message me if you have time. If not- just know how much I love you and how HAPPY I am for it all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ohhh you sent this as I was leaving, but what a wonderful message to come back to. So sorry not to have been in touch with you, and I HOPE that come November, you might consider coming down for a ‘welcome home’ party chez Hasty? We’re going to throw a bit of a bash, I think, and see who can make it.

      I LOVED being back, though. It felt absolutely SO the right time/place to be, and I think I will feel the same ongoingly – my connection with the Spa/College director, and how he explained things and how I felt in response…I am SO excited about starting learning and getting stuck in. This is the big hurdle. I hope everything else will just fall into place.

      Sad to have missed you, though, and I hope you’re okay. HUGE love to you ❤

      Like

  7. I’ve been following along here and there, when I can take gulps of fresh air and can keep up with Facebook. I like it. It’s like a dream. It’s certainly the week in which everything has changed. I love that you’re with your person and her little person (looks so much like her!).
    On a sidenote, I used to live in New Jersey and then moved to California. For some reason, being in California felt totally right. I was so sick of living “in the future” with the east coast time zone. I don’t know how else to explain it, but days felt longer in California. I’d talk to my parents and they’d say, “It’s already dark out here. It’s already night.” And I’d say, “Not here!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • You get it, then 🙂 I don’t know what it is…I didn’t even get to SEE most of my people this visit, but just being aligned with them in terms of not being up hours and hours before them, and having to go to bed while they’re only embarking on their evenings, made a HUGE difference. I just felt comfortable. I felt home.

      My Sunset’s little person is GLORIOUS and we had such fun together. It was just a wonderful, fabulous week, in so many ways. And the change…I have such joy in the change 🙂

      Glad you had a few moments of fresh air. Hope your memorial day weekend was a good one.

      Like

  8. This is so very exciting. I’ve been busy elsewhere and have finally been able to catch up a bit. I’m happy that you’re happy. I’m glad you’re here, in the same time zone. You are about 4 hours and $25 in gas away from my daughter, who is also named Elizabeth…instead of half a day and thousands of dollars. I’m sorry to say that we didn’t name her after you, but, the spelling of her nickname will be after yours, I’ve just decided. Thank you for always being positive. If you ever make it to Missouri (or Arkansas) let me know. My wife and I would love to grab a cup of herbal tea. Oh, and big props for the massage therapist thing. I have a couple good friends (at least two, maybe more) who are licenced massage therapists, one of which is here in Missouri. She’s just recently graduated, then recently decided to take the summer off. Things are great all around aren’t they? Good day! Much peace, hope and love for you. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    • HELLO and HOORAY! I’m so glad to see you’re dipping back in. I knew you had a beautiful baby girl, and congratulations! I love that you’ll take my spelling for her nickname – that’s such an honour. Thank you.

      Missouri – I have a friend there, who visited on Tuesday, so it’s not desperately big of a road-trip (as long as I can avoid the rain-wrapped tornado which barely missed her) and would love to come and meet you and your wife and lovely little girl, one day once I’m here for good.

      I will always endeavour to err on the side of positivity. I need balance. I’m sure anyone reading me must surely feel the same – we’re designed for equillibrium, after all.

      Massage Therapist friends are most excellent ones to have (though they oughtn’t offer discounts if you’re paying for their services) and honestly, have MAGIC HANDS. That’s what I want to learn and I’m SO excited.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Bezzie, I adore that photo of you. You’ve made that face at me SO often (which I hope is a good thing)!

    I am so glad everything’s coming together for you. Finding who you are and your purpose is so important. I will miss you like crazy, but I’m excited for you too and besides, we will always have ~~~~~~~~~ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Which one? The ‘I DON’T WANNAAAAA’ face? Cos yeah – it’s a frequent flyer, that one.

      I will miss you lots too, and YES we will always have the (copied and pasted because silly keyboard) ~~~~~~~~~, but yes…I am very much Becoming, and this place here is where it’s happening and it’s lovely. And THANK YOU for always for being supportive and lovely about it 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  10. What a fabulous post, Lizzi! So happy for all the wonderfulness happening in your life right now, and that you’re owning it! Huge congrats. And this:
    “I am the culmination of all my Befores.
    I am Now.”
    xx

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    • Heheh why thank you Mizz Kristi, and YAY on happiness and being here and all them who hold me in heart and home and whichever part of the whenever me they had or have or will have because it’s WONDERFUL 🙂 ❤

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    • My PRECIOUS! We haven’t spoken yet…later? I don’t want to miss my chance. I will text you and see if you’re around. I’m so happy you’re happy, and YES! Good things really DO happen. This is the land of dreams, after all… ❤ ❤

      Like

  11. In Tennyson’s “Ulysses”, that traveler of legend muses:

    I am a part of all that I have met;
    Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’
    Gleams that untravell’d world whose margin fades
    For ever and forever when I move.

    It is the power of myth and legend to describe the deep truths, and this is one, that life is a journey and we are shaped by, and become part of all that we have met, and our “now” is ever moving and becoming.

    Lizzi, you are becoming so wondrously. You tell the tale of your adventure beautifully. Sometimes I like to picture the world between the wires as a wayside inn, or a comfy old English pub, where travelers gather round a fire to share stories of the roads. I’m very glad I dropped in and met you among others. Cheers..

    Liked by 1 person

  12. It seems like just yesterday and a lifetime ago we shared coffee at Starbucks and you talked of your dreams of living here. Look at you now, girl! You are manifesting it all and it’s a beautiful sight. I’m so happy for you and watching your dreams unfold is magic. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know…it was so short and yet so long ago, and I LOVED meeting you In Real, and I have high hopes of doing so again in future, because it will be SO MUCH EASIER when I’m here. I will have to come up and we can all have a big ol shindig up there in the VA-ish region.

      And thank you so much for all your support and encouragement along the way. I feel like it’s been a bit of a team effort to get me to this point and I just want to hi-five everyone and yell “WE DID ITTTTTT!!!!”

      Like

  13. So much GOOD here, I just love it!!! And, of course, love that we’ve gotten to actually *talk* on the phone, hearing each other’s voices! Love you HUGE, always ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Thank you for that lovely ride on the Lizzi train of wonderment, innocence, insightfulness, thankfulness and realism!!! I just let your words guide me along gently into your sea of adventure and experiences, and they never fail me.

    So very happy for you, my dear Honeybee! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awwwh I’m so glad you liked it, and so glad you consistently like what I do…I so love being able to show you my world and the me within it. It’s the next best thing to being For Reals in your world, which I WILL BE – I will make sure of it. SOON (relatively speaking). ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

  15. The cool thing about writing, blogging, and the TToT is that you can look back, in more than just memory, to see how far you’ve come and life’s come for you. This is most evident for you, as I see it, being a weekly observer of your ups and downs. So glad things in the States are going so well for you. Welcome to the North American continent, now and in future. We are glad to have you here, a little piece of brilliant Britain.
    🙂
    Glad you are where you feel happiest and most centered.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awwwh thank you so much Kerry. And yes – that’s one of the things I really LOVE about this community of ours – we get to see the ups, downs, and in-betweens of the people who join in, and support and encourage them onwards, and celebrate the good times with them, and it builds such lovely friendships.

      I am so, SO lucky to be part of this group. I have so many wonderful friends here and I’m so glad we’re all ‘in it together’, even in a ‘Between the Wires’ kind of way 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Heheh thanks – I like getting to join in with both, when possible. Nice to catch up with my errant co-host (Mizz Kristi is also part of the TToT) and I love the sentence starters she uses.

      Liking the Now-me is something I’ve been working on and making good headway with, which is AWESOME 🙂

      Like

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