Wouldn’t it be delightful to be on the beach right now? Not just any beach, either – a hot, sandy, golden beach, with sparkling waves dancing their gentle thump and hiss on the shore. A beach where a bunch of picnic blankets are strewn around ready for feasting and sunbathing and sharing a meal, and everyone is gathered, for fun, around a couple of people holding a horizontal stick between them, whilst the adventurous and the bendy take turns to bend themselves backwards under it. Wouldn’t it be awesome to be part of the happy crowd, whooping and laughing as the stick gets lower and the less-bendy fall flat in the sand, their bodies twisting and shining under the bright sunshine.
Wouldn’t it be nice?
I wish I was somewhere in the tableau of *that* kind of limbo, because mine’s the other kind – the grey, hazy, waitingwaitingwaitingwaiting kind. The kind with no set parameters and no way of moving things forwards. The kind where all I can do is sit tight and hope it’s over soon, because even if the outcome is the one I don’t want, there are still those ever-present silver linings, and at least I’ll know where I stand.
I could do with some sunshine and clarity, but I shall content myself with deep-breathing (the kind you do in your brain because that’s the bit which needs to calm the heck down), distractions, and a list of Thankfuls.
10 – I’m at a point in life where even though things RightNow are limboed, things are nonetheless coming together in a glorious way, thanks in HUGE part to my wonderful family and friends, and I can see options for ways forwards. I am determined to TRY to get to Murica, because if I don’t at least TRY, then I think it will be one of those deathbed (and possibly every day until then) regrets. Even if it doesn’t work. Even if I get halfway and it all falls apart. I need to give it my best shot, because if it works…
C – Secondary to ‘that point in life’, I’m also aware my attitudes are changing for the better. I don’t know if it’s an internal reflection of things normalising for the better, but the other day, out of the blue (whilst walking in the sunshine), I had the sudden, piercing thought “I’m happy.” Might not be a big deal to you if you’re a person who’s happy a lot, but this is a deep-seated, confident, cosy happy, and (for me) that’s HUGE.
O – Sub-the previous point; it rained today, all day, and I did NOT hate it. I mean, I didn’t like it, because I never like rain (I don’t *really* even enjoy being snuggled away indoors whilst it’s raining outside, because it’s still raining) but in the not so distant past, rain would get me properly down. Now it’s just something not-nice to be endured, rather than something which makes the day unmanageably bad.
U – Don’t tell, but the rain even made some things a bit pretty! I saw flowers all dusted with tiny droplets. I saw leaves with great big silvery bubbles of rain sat nestled in their veins. I saw the tips of curly new shoots all diamond-dropped with unshed drips. I saw slender branches with raindrops hanging underneath them in rows like baubles on a Christmas tree.
N – WonderAunty occasionally sends me a ‘word of the day’ email from Dictionary.com, and one of the words this week was ‘esemplastic’, which is a GLORIOUS word, and one I’d never heard before (gotta love a solid ‘add’ to the active vocab). It describes the ability to shape diverse elements or concepts into a unified whole, which I LOVE the idea of. I also hope it can be turned into a verb, because I think it would be delightful to be in a complicated situation, drawing all the elements together, and to nonchalantly remark to a friend “Gimme a minute, I’m just esemplasticising this and then I’ll be done…”
T – In spite of the ‘1000 Voices for Compassion’ group getting smaller and less lively, there are some really committed participants. We had our usual #1000Speak day last week (it’s on the 20th of each month) and whilst there weren’t that many posts, and the interaction wasn’t what we hoped, we have put our heads together and come up with a way forwards. This will involve greater focus on the 1000Speak blog, and the opportunity to share guest posts about compassion.
I – I booked tickets. HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE THANKFUL RIGHT THERE! All of the glorious things and generosities and hard-works and accommodations from others, which I mentioned way back up there in #10, have enabled me to know when I need to be present, and to book a plane ticket in order to be where I need to be, when I need to be there.
N – And ONCE I’m there, I’ll need every ounce of prayer, happy thoughts, positive vibes and good juju all my friends-and-relations can collectively muster, because there’s a potential roadblock to me proceeding along the golden pathway of ‘what could be pretty much the *perfect* future’ and it’s not an easy fix…so I need to forge a strong connection and prove my worth on the basis of everything else about me being BrightShinyIrresistable. I’ll let you know sooner to the time so you can start sending all the good out into the universe and aim it in my direction (well, not *all* the good, cos other people need some too, and I *know* you’re gonna send it to them too, so just send me a smidge – it all helps, and it’s all very encouraging)
G – PLANS! Oh the plans my friend and I have wrought – to walk and talk and walk and talk (one of my very favourite things), and we’re DOING it! We’re getting fitter, enjoying each others company…AND at the weekends we’re gonna take her daughter and my Niece and Neff along with us (whether they like it or not (which they WILL like it, cos we’ve planned some cool routes, most of which end in playparks (but no more accidental bomb sites!))) and have a LOVELY time.
*does a happystompyawesome dance for the 7 Guard-Virgins (7GV) and whisks the Secret Book of Rules (or, Book of Secret Rules) out from under their very noses as they excitedly join in*
*flicks through to Ch.16, 14th footnote, which describes the rule*
“Whensoever thou writeth a puzzle into thy List of Thankfuls (and particularly shoulsdst thou be offering a prize for the first correct identification of the answer (which may or may not be a common(ish)) phrase), thou shalt not need a tenth item, it being considered thy efforts to engender fun and interaction worthy of each counting as 1.1[recurring] of a Thankful.”