Excuse my freneticism and the fact I’m not sure ‘freneticism’ is even a word.
I tried to explain it earlier – if you could imagine a person bug-eyed with excitement and spinning in circles, making a noisy *SQUEEEEEEEEEE* sound; that’s me, on the inside, right now. On the outside I’m just sat here, typing. This is stealth freneticism at its best.
Thing is, with stealth freneticism – it DOESN’T make for the right kind of attitude for writing a Ten Things of Thankful post. Or any kind of post. Because all the parts of my brain which can usually knuckle down and concentrate, are zinging around inside my head like…the Red Arrows (or the Blue Angels, if you’re Stateside) got let loose in a giant one of those bouncy trampoline places where EVERYTHING IS A BOUNCE!
Add to that, the spinning and the *SQUEEE*ing, and you get some idea as to why even to get THIS far into the post has taken half an hour and a billion typos (I erased them). BUT. There are most DEFINITELY Ten Things for which I am INCREDIBLY Thankful, even if they might be a bit ‘concept-y’, but BELIEVE ME they count. Pieces of the puzzle are MAYBE falling into place, which MIGHT possibly result in me being able to get over to Murica, but WE SHALL SEE. I’m not holding my breath and I don’t dare to really hope yet, except I’m SO VERY HOPEFUL and…worried in case it all goes wrong, but this is the first real big maybe YES I’ve had, after the other options I was exploring turned out to be not so very optiony after all.
My Facebook Memories tell me that 6 years ago, I was trying on my wedding dress. How times ever so very change. And in spite of all the ups and very downs, I think NOW, this moment, RightNow, Today, where and who I am, with all of you around me (ye who read this, and ye who I mean, but won’t read this, and ye who I mean, who don’t even know I write a blog), is GOOD.
And that’s pretty much worth 10, right there.
BUT! Onwards, and doing it (vaguely) properly. Even if some of it’s a bit bonkers, it doesn’t *really* need to make sense as long as it’s something important to me, right? Right.
HOPE – is my biggest one today, well, in the forefrontiest bit of my mind (where all the zinging around is happening) because of the Maybe. It’s a big, shinybright GORGEOUS Maybe, and it really seems like it SHOULD work, one or two things being all okay…but still no breath-holding.
FAITH – that other people have faith in me and my abilities (as a writer, as a retinal screener, as a whatever) is just…heart-brimmingly wonderful, and I can’t tell you how much it means to me that people DO think I’m worth a damn as [whatever]. To know that there are people who think I’ve Done Well at something, and Can Do Well at something in future, is a huge boost, because I’m often never quite sure.
ENCOURAGEMENT – so, because I was all brain-zippy, I vaguebooked about the HOPE, and OHMIGOSH! So many people got SO very excited and crossed their fingers, their eyes, their mustache hairs (?!) for me, and for success, and for things all working out okay, and THAT is wonderful and delightful and huge – that my friends are genuinely, actually, properly excited that I have this opportunity. More poignantly and wonderfully, so are my family, for whom this step (if it happens) will be hugely bittersweet.
FRIENDSHIP – if I haven’t covered this one a million, million times, I haven’t done this thing properly – I am SO SO SO just WONDEROUSLY happy to have friends, and such incredible, supportive, encouraging, loving, WONDERFUL ones, at that.
LOVE – always. Always always. It wins. It does incredible things. It makes the heart soar and the spirit feel it’s worth going the distance of another day, or another year, or eternity. It builds bridges, builds up, builds towards. It’s kind and patient and compassionate and I’m SO SO VERY extremely incredibly UTTERLY wonderfully [insert more (not expletives because that’s not the right one, damn you zippidy brain)…SUPERLATIVES here (in caps)] covered in it from all sides, I could just explode into a million pieces of *twinklyshiny* glittery happiness, RIGHT NOW!
THANKFULNESS – it really DOES make all the difference. Counting your blessings, even on a bad day, can bring some glorious perspective. Course, we all get days where we just don’t wanna. I really DO wanna but my brain’s just not doing it right. I can’t see past the smoke-trails and bounce-house bonkersmadness in my brain, and it’s also stupid’o’clock at night and also a million other reasons, BUT I don’t think I hit Ten in any kind of traditional manner so I’ll just leave these here…
Winning free stuff. Tea. Glitterbombs. Postcards. Fruitcake emails. Michael Kors shoes. People who make a difference. People who inspire me. Love. Friends. Sticking it to The Man. Refunds. Apples. Family. Laughing. Being back at work. Not collapsing. Naps. Sunshine. Surprises-in-the-making. Plans. Late night chats. Happy Toes Memories. Love. Ten. Or a thousand. Or a million.
THANKFUL! So very thankful.
(but still zip-zingerdy-zingled)
Soooooo where’s YOURS?