Ten Things of Thankful 147 (Storytelling) #10Thankful

This week I almost gave up.

I wanted to stop writing for ever, to abandon this place and leave it to rot – a soon-forgotten archive of pieces by someone who used to write a little, once upon a time. I wanted to unplug my heart and distance myself from the World Between the Wires. I wanted to never tell another story ever, ever, again. 

Dark clouds, which had gathered slowly on the horizons of my mind, had built up into towering storms of depression, which spread across my psyche. Cumulonimbuses of self-loathing were roiling across the skies of my inner self, and supercells were forming, replicating depression, worthlessness, self-pity, and that monster of all, doubt. Doubt, which whispered silvering sheets of freezing rain, telling me my words are no good, drenching my desire to express myself here. Doubt, which shivered itself inside my bones, quenching my thoughts of connecting, for I could not, I would not, and no-one would care. Doubt, which rose like flash floods of ice-water, crashing through the carefully crafted valleys of my World Between the Wires, ripping trees asunder, drowning gentle meadows under the force of its fury, dissolving the bonds I had to this place, to my people, to you, and casting me adrift in a torrent from which I thought never to return.

I also wanted to be dead, and spent more hours than I care to remember, with images piling into my mind of how it might be done. Images which were unstoppable, seductive, terrifying, liberating, and horrifyingly permanent solutions to a short-term dose of a longer-term problem, and THAT is one reason I’m writing again.

Let me tell you why I write - summat2thinkon.wordpress.com

Mental illness. Depression. The probably-diagnosable kind, with a side-order of anxiety and constant nightmares. The kind which can isolate and cripple and kill. The kind which is oft-hidden for fear of discovery, for fear of consequences, whether those be loss of confidence in a colleague, or a new distance entering into a friendship, or the ultimate betrayal – a casting out, upon learning that someone is afflicted by an illness of the mind.

Real problems we face in our world today – alongside all the others which clamour for our attention; suicide bombs, prejudice, bullying, social injustices. Real Problems such as I’ve written about before – grief, infertility, miscarriage, relationship break-down, abuse – those too, are important to write of. Real problems, which I hope are peripheral to as many of my readers’ worlds as possible, but which, by their prevalence according to gathered statistics, are likely to be featured in far greater numbers than I could imagine. Like outlaws and bandits, these problems, and the stigma of them, hide in the forests of our society, leaping from the branches in dark moments, to strike and leave baffling agonies; time, capabilities, and lives stolen. In the ensuing chaos, they melt into the shadows, all too often unidentified, unacknowledged, unchallenged.

Sometimes you have to make your own light - summat2thinkon.wordpress.com

Writing, I challenge them. Writing, I (and others who take up the sWord against their ravages) shine light into the twisted thickets and nightmare caverns of our life experiences. Writing, we bring awareness, acknowledgement, engender compassion, encourage education and perspectives, which are first and foremost kind and seeking to better understand. Writing, we fight back.

Yet that is not all, for storytelling itself is a draw.

The chance to beg your ear (or mind’s eye) for a time, to bid you rest and open your imagination whilst I bring velvet-nestled offerings of madonna-blue skies and the sculpted, white perfection of a freshly-opened magnolia blossom, its outline crisp and soul-shiveringly delicious against the vista provided by just looking up…or the waterfall notes of birdsong tumbling through the air on a bright spring day, of secretive rustlings in the undergrowth, of sooty blackbirds eyeing the rich earth for tiny, soft morsels for their downy chicks, of goldfinches like winged Fabergé eggs flashing bright aerial paths between branches, and high above the woodlands on burnished, brown wings, the breathtaking presence of a hawk rising slowly on invisible thermals…or to rush you to cold shores where the wind whisks your words from your lips as you form them, and tears well in your eyes against the sharpness of the breeze, letting your feet crunch musically through the shingle in time with my own, your gaze now bound with mine, scanning, scanning, for those elusive shapes, those precious shells, larger and more exotic than the others, coated in swirling pinks and greens, gilded with nacre, rewarding numb fingers with the reassurance of their precious solidity – those shells so few in number and carefully secreted in pockets ready for passing on to the chosen ones…or your hand enclosing the sun-warmed warmth of autumn fruit, the shine of apple skin against your lips, its snap as your teeth bite into white flesh, its sweetness filling your mouth, its scent filling you, almost overpowering for that first, juicy second of eating that which was still growing only moments before…

Storyteller - summat2thinkon.wordpress.com

Yes, this too, is why I write; to weave and earn the embroidered mantle of the raconteuse – to make reality fall away around you as you immerse yourself in my words, to bring to your mind things I’ve seen, heard, felt, or imagined, with such vivid richness you cannot help but feel, hear, and see them with me – that together we can almost lie in the clover-fields of imagination, sun-drugged and drenched in honey-scent, the vibrations of reader and writer so attuned they hum audibly, like bumble-bees in the hot air.

I write to tap into things which are far bigger than I could encapsulate alone – gratitude, thankfulness, compassion, community, friendship, connection, love, unity – hoping my words will join with those of others, generating unmissable choruses of Good throughout the world, travelling beyond the Between the Wires, changing thought processes, attitudes, lives; assisting the evolution of our world into one which sees worth in every individual, values every positive contribution, cherishes differences, embraces warm, reciprocal relationships, encourages us to #BeReal and which recognises above all else that we’re more the same than different, that we all matter, that we all can make a difference – that #LoveWins.

#LoveWins

And I write to convey the minutiae of my life. To express thanks for the persistence of those who checked in with me while I was checked out. To convey profound gratitude for the option of sanctuary from my reality this week. To warn against drinking alone as a response to depression, but to thoroughly recommend drinking with a good friend in the same situation. To reiterate how wonderful it is to know there are people in this world in whom I have found my Home. To advise always having a contingency plan prepared against unexpected expense. To explain that I am inconsistent, but that I still have plans to TRY. To demonstrate my commitment to hoping that in spite of their lack of fiscal profit or world-wide recognition, these words, these stories I tell, hold meaning, hold worth, for at least some who come here to see what I’ve written.

And to thank YOU, so much, for reading them.

 

Ten Things of Thankful
<a href=” https://summat2thinkon.wordpress.com/ten-things-of-thankful/ ” target=”_blank”><img src=” https://summat2thinkon.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/10thankful-banner.jpg?w=700?w=700&#8243; alt=”Ten Things of Thankful” style=”border:none;” /></a>

Your hosts

Join the Ten Things of Thankful Facebook Group

So, as per either the above or below blog hops – both of which seem to involve the highly famous Kristi Rieger Campbell – what are you thankful for, and WHY do you write?

Finish the Sentence Friday

Advertisements

68 thoughts on “Ten Things of Thankful 147 (Storytelling) #10Thankful

    • *HUGS* I’m glad you’re back around and you don’t need to apologise! You owe nothing, my friend. I’m just glad to see you when you’re able to be hereish 🙂

      I’m glad my sparkle comes through. I think that’s a good thing to try to do as a general principle (for me) *HUGS*

      Like

    • I’ll do my best. I really well. I want to feel like it’s important – like I’m important, and as though I matter – and I KNOW (intellectually) that’s not going to happen when the chemicals have all gone awry. *sigh* I’m just so glad to be back in my routine.

      Thank you for you ❤

      Like

  1. I hope this week is better for you; I’m sorry you had such a time of it last week. You perfectly captured all the reasons why your writing makes a Difference, whether it’s in someone else’s life or in your own.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This week I’ve been back at work – I’ve managed two days, and it’s been really good. I’ve been turning back into myself, I think, and I’m SO happy about it.

      And thank you…it’s wonderful to know my writing can make a difference 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. HUGE hugs to you my little Fishy. I’m so sorry you’ve had a rough go of it lately. However, I am so glad you continue to write because your words are beautiful and meaningful and deserve to be shared so we can be touched by them. Take care of yourself and remember I’m just on the other side of the glass ready for a swim if you need me! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • *grins* I thought of your wonderful fishy-face picture, and how much it delighted me, and how GLORIOUS these connections are, that we make in this World Between the Wires.

      I’m so, so very glad to know you ❤

      Like

  3. Wow….such a powerful piece. I’m sorry that you’ve had such a rough time. It’s amazing how writing, and the connections that brings us, can help send us back to the surface. You are an amazing writer, and I’m so thankful to read your words today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Lana. It’s been a horrendous time, and I’m sure I’ll look back and find it character-building (or something) but I’m SO glad it’s over. I’m also very pleased you enjoyed what you read here. Thank you 🙂

      Like

  4. I did know some of what you were feeling lately, but hadn’t realised you’d felt quite so bad, and I’m sorry to see that. Though glad you feel better now and able to keep writing. Writing is, for me, similar to what you say here, to shine light and to ” bring awareness, acknowledgement, engender compassion, encourage education and perspectives.”
    I like that you also acknowledge the desire to captivate with stories, which is something I didn’t really articulate in my post – because I hadn’t really seen it that way! But yes, there’s something magical about writing something that other people feel enchanted by. It’s not egoistical either. There’s a pleasure in their pleasure, which is beyond “I did it.” (And mostly when that kind of writing comes there’s not much of a sense of “I” anyway, just the pleasure.)

    Glad you are still writing and keep on keeping on.

    Liked by 1 person

    • YES! There’s pleasure in knowing you’ve BROUGHT pleasure to someone – that you were able to transport them and make them feel…it’s not an arrogance thing – it’s something delightful, like bringing fresh flowers for someone, or cooking for them, just because you want to delight them. It’s THAT. And writing beautifully is just a tool we use, because we can, to do it.

      It was a horrid, HORRID week (mentally and emotionally) and I was so thankful to have people around me to help mitigate what might otherwise have been much worse. I’m so glad to be back at work now…it’s made a HUGE difference already.

      Like

  5. My heart aches for you, Honeybee. I so hate when you are suffering! 😦 You inspire me every single day because you are so #real and I watch you trying to do the best you can (an more) to overcome your demons and rise above all the bad. xoxo

    And your writing, damn do you have a gift!!!! NEVER stop writing, please!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I won’t stop writing. I think just trying to would be the end of me! I must write. I’ve done it for so many years, it’s part of the fabric of my being, and without it I would come unravelled.

      And, dearest Honeybee…I love that in some small way, I’m able to inspire you or make you glad, because I adore the idea that somehow, my being and my attempting to keep on, makes you happy to see it 🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

  6. Irony is you writing about giving up. And then writing the most exquisite, evocative piece of prose you’ve ever written.

    What a horrible week. It was like a rip tide and nearby took you under. You’re stronger than you realize.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think I’ve written better in the past lol. BUT, I enjoyed writing this, and I’m glad it reminded me why. It was a horrendous week and though there were so many things to be thankful for, I’m SO glad it’s over 🙂

      Like

  7. I am truly sorry you’ve been having a rough time lately and more sorry that I haven’t been around to reach out. I’m here now, though, with my arms and ears and heart wide open. I shall try not to cough on you too much. 😀
    I am truly glad that you are feeling a bit better and that you are writing still. We all write for so many reasons and ultimately, that’s what has connected us all here and there and everywhere that we make those connections, forge those friendships, and wield our sWords together.
    Be well, you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “Take up the sWord against their ravages” Ohhhhh, how I love that. Your words are unique and beautiful and I feel like when I read your posts my brain is fed with different words and ways of turning a phrase. And I eat it up hungrily. 🙂 I think that line that I quoted needs to be on your header or somehow part of your mantra/brand. Beautiful writing, dear one, even in the midst of feeling low. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oooooh I haven’t thought about using that as a tagline…that’s a rather fun idea! It fits in with Silver Linings, kinda 🙂 Thanks so much for such GORGEOUS feedback and for enjoying this so much, yaknow, out-loud like 🙂 ❤

      Like

  9. Totally breathless by your post. I haven’t experienced depression, but anxiety is full of beasts and burdens, and tons of self doubt and worthlessness feelings.
    I hope you know how loved you are. And your words are too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anxiety is its own kind of monster, but when it gangs up, oyyy! I hope you never experience the twain! *hugs*

      And thank you…I think a lot of what got me through the week was knowing, deep down, that people DO care, and would be upset if I did something Silly. Even if it was only knowledge at an intellectual level, and I was unable to feel it, it made a huge difference. ❤

      Like

  10. Lizzi, This is such a tour de force. Your authenticity and elegant prose drew me in immediately and kept me engaged throughout. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing so beautifully all the reasons you write. They’re largely the same for me; from gratitude to minutiae, challenging stigma and calling attention to real and serious problems, all pull me back to the page time and time again. And I’m thankful. I’m so happy to have crossed paths this week via FTSF. Best, Emily

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, that’s a beautiful compliment, Emily, thank you! *glowy* I’m glad to know that it’s not just the people who are part of my community and used to my writing, who like it! Thank you 🙂

      I’m glad you were engaged throughout – that’s lovely feedback, and I love that you found my voice (or, this version of it, for presentations change at times) authentic.

      I’m hugely glad to hear you write for so many of the same reasons – I really enjoyed your piece on your whys and wherefores, and I am also very thankful we crossed paths 🙂

      Like

  11. Well my love, your falls surely rise you higher each time- you know that? I HATE that you *fell* and yet, I’m not surprised, because life threw you a curveball and stripped you of things that keep you in check. You suffered terrible pain and physical suffering, while being stripped of *normal things* and *good things* throughout the recovery.

    That’s enough to tip the boat over and capsize into those waters, sweetie. And look at YOU – you have managed to not drown in them. See how strong you have become?

    Your words are magical. I believe your gift is extraordinary- I’ve yet to read anyone like you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m blushing now, Kitty, thank you so much for your wonderful compliment 🙂 ❤ And…oboy did I capsize, but thank goodness for the people I had around me, both In Real and in this World Between the Wires, who kept me going, and when it was too much, helped me to distract and quieten the voices.

      Here's hoping everything gets back to normal as my world returns to its usual routine next week (or, an approximation of it, anyway). I hope YOU are doing okay, my sweet, and I'm sorry I wasn't much help to you in the end *HUGS*

      Like

  12. You are a wonderful writer, your story telling engages and transports me. Your personal writings and your writings on issues in life, provoke thought and emotion. I guess when those dark moments of wanting to disconnect from writing and connecting consume you like an angry sea, you just have to wait for the calm because the silver lining afterwards produces the SPECTACULAR words.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awwwh OceanHeart, that’s such a lovely thing to say, and I hope I ALWAYS come back to writing…I just hope I don’t have to always go through such horrid depths to come out with lovely words which people appreciate. But the connection and the emotion…I suppose those come through living, and I must just look upon the “me too”-ness of it all as a Silver Lining of something which would be inevitable anyway, as part of my own journey.

      Like

  13. This: “the waterfall notes of birdsong tumbling through the air on a bright spring day, of secretive rustlings in the undergrowth, of sooty blackbirds eyeing the rich earth for tiny, soft morsels for their downy chicks, of goldfinches like winged Fabergé eggs flashing bright aerial paths between branches” is like something out of a timeless classic…read by college students everywhere for their required comparative literature course.

    Regardless of the reasons you write, you were born to do it. Nuf said. Your ability to join adjectives and nouns in novel and innovative ways is why the world needs you. The way you string an idea together from letters to words to phrases to sentences to paragraphs to stories…they all convey the message of Lizzi and the world needs your literary prowess.

    You may not have written a book yet, but I already know you have one in you that has touched millions. It’s only a matter of time and I’ll wait. 🙂

    Sending you hugs, love and wishes that you *always* know how much you are making a difference. Just by being you. Because all of you is simply amazeballs. And then you put it into words. And then those words become super amazeballs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I now have the most curious image of Super AmazeBalls (they’re large and kind of glittery and sound like a dictionary would, if it could sing (something like a Welsh Male Voice Choir on the side of a distant and very grand mountain)) popping out of my brain into existence and bouncing around the world, leaving trails of *twinklysparklygoodness* and hearts lightened by their wonderful song.

      I so, SO hope you’re right, and that one day I can write a book which captures people’s imaginations and makes them happy they read it.

      I do so HUGELY love what you said about my storytelling, and I’m rather blown away by the enormity of the compliment. Thank you dear heart ❤

      Like

  14. I’ve currently got “writing myself into wellness” as a blog tag line. It’s there for a reason. In essence writing has been a big help to me in learning how to cope with depression and life. Blogging opens our eyes to so many things and helps us understand things we previously did not even know to think about. I’ve learnt to understand some complex things which were roaming about in my subconscious.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s a great tag-line and I hope so much that it works. Wonderful that you’ve already discovered so much, and yes – the people we can find here in this World Between the Wires (and the information offered) are wonderful and can be hugely changing 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Isn’t it true that writing is connection.. Especially when we feel our voice is weak and lost amidst all the noise and confusion of the world. When we feel isolated and lonely, the very best thing is for someone to read our words and affirm-yes, me too. Wonderful piece of truth and emotion, Lizzi.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, May. That “me too” aspect of the Blogosphere is one which resonates very deeply for me, and I love that probably for most people and most struggles, there’s a “me too” out there somewhere for them to connect with. Thank goodness for this plaec!

      Like

  16. Love what you’ve written here. So powerful and needed for those of us suffering with depression and anxiety. Why do so many of us have such minds that are so creative but suffer so much? You write exquisitely! Keep writing please!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I love how true you are to this space. I don’t think I’ve ever written peeling back so many layers. I admire that you do. So glad things turned around for you this week. And thanks for the reminder that we are important to each other. I’m on a facebook break but there are some people I need to check on and say hello to.

    Like

  18. I’m glad you’re feeling better, that you’re here, and that you’re Here. That Depression dude is a lie-telling liar asshole and I’m glad that he’s retreated a bit and that you found giggles and fun in drinking with a good friend. Glad you wrote. Next week? It’s gonna be okay. Truly.
    PS if I were actually for-real famous, you’d probably have spelled my name correctly ;P

    Liked by 1 person

    • Something to do with i’s and e’s, or maybe I’m just keeping you humble (you’re welcome) 😉 I will change it most rapidly!

      Next week will be fine. I hope I get enough sleep beforehand, unbeset by nightmares – THAT would be awesome. Depression absolutely sucks bigtime and I’m as sick of it as I was sick of myself.

      Alcohol helps SOME things, at least 🙂

      Thank you for being glad I’m here 🙂

      Like

  19. HaHa – Wonder Auntie is so on the ball! Well, Lizzi, there’s no escaping it now, you are a writer. Its a done deal. And, for all of us, a hugely good deal. We have at least as many reasons for being thankful for your writing as you do for doing it, and many of us have much the same reasons. Beautiful – reblogging

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I’m sorry you had such a rough week! I’ve had my own battles with that insidious disease and I’m glad you did not believe its lies and are still with us. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading. More importantly, keep living!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I believed them. That was half the problem – intellectually I could explain them away as lies, but emotionally I bought them, and bought them HARD! It sucked.

      I am determined to keep writing, DEFINITE about going to keep living, and thank you, always, for reading and for your thoughtfulness and friendship ❤

      Like

Comments are where the magic happens...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s