Ten Things of Thankful 146 (Feeling Flat) #10Thankful

I seem to barely inhabit this place any more.

Since becoming ill and throughout my recovery period (which I think can most rightly be called a ‘Slough of Despond’), dust has fallen softly and silently, coating the surface of my laptop, whilst tiny, invisible bit-spiders have woven their silken threads into the corners of my blog, leaving it quiet, unoccupied, lonely, but for the (vaguely) at least once-a-week effort for a Thankful post.

I used to crave connection, the vibrancy and interaction of the Blogosphere. I used to think that writing and connecting and being part of, was something massively, massively important, and those wiser than me – the kind with Real Lives Worth Living – would indulge me, their eyes rolling slightly at my naivety, knowing full well (and often trying to tell me) that, in the nicest kindest possible way, I didn’t matter that much. Life would go on, and would go on, without my constant input. Or my even knowing about it. People would still write, as and when they wished. *I* would still write, as and when I wished. And there would still be points at which our lives would intersect, and with a brief nod of recognition, continue along their own paths.

I’m learning that, slowly.

I’m less involved. Less vital (according to my own reckoning). Less…present. Yet somehow, I still matter to the people to whom I matter. I still keep up (just about, ish) with the people whom I want to, though admittedly I’ve been worse at that lately. But I still connect, one way or another, and keep enough nods going to not lose the threads of friendship entirely.

Is it better? I’m certainly getting more sleep, and that can only be good for me.

It’s also meant I’ve fretted, having placed so much import on writing in this place for so long, hoping my words would mean something  or do something. The discovery of their relative lack of meaning (in the bigger picture) has been jarring, a little shattering, as I laid on the sofa one morning this week, staring (near catatonic) at the ceiling for a couple of hours, too overwhelmed to write, too exhausted to go out, too jittery to sleep, and too sad, and the silence blanketed me like a shroud for the broken and scattered pieces of my erstwhile perception. Ghosts of former hopes – of writing my way to America, or sparking something huge about compassion or connection and how we need each other, and how in the end #LoveWins – disappeared through the walls of my mind, leaving only the faintest of shimmering suggestions they’d once existed, before nothing remained but the echoes of my own thoughts.

Hardwired Heart

That said, my frantic desperation to connect HAS left me with some damn good friends. Life-changingly good ones. The ones I was lucky enough to meet In Real, in either of my Murica trips. The ones I have yet to meet. The ones whose counsel and input and encouragement I have come to see as wonderous boons in my life, as they send *twinklysparklygoodness* in my direction, and involve me in their worlds through the chinks of reality enabled through this World Between the Wires. My Hardwired Hearts. I hope to never lose them, and will always hold them close in my thoughts and affection.

Something which has really helped, while I’ve been attempting to recuperate, has been the arrival into my life of Flat Sawyer. My BlogWife Beth’s son, Sawyer, was given the project at school (if you haven’t read the children’s book ‘Flat Stanley’, it’s about a young boy whose gigantic notice board falls on him in the night, squashing him flat, and his henceforth discovery that life, flat, can be fun; he can slide under the crack at the bottom of doors; he can be a kite for his younger brother; he can be posted to America in a giant envelope and have adventures there; he even foils a criminal masterplan; but in the end he wants to be normal again, so his younger brother reinflates him with a bicycle pump and life continues as before, and the story ends) and wanted to send flat-him “to Lizzi in England.”

Flat Sawyers Adventures in England

My doctor insisted I walk each day, to assist the internal healing of those delightful surgical scars (btw, for anyone who ever wondered, Bio-oil really DOES work to minimise them – HUGE thankful, because they were livid and ugly, and now are much paler and less horrific looking) and the only thing which has peeled me from my sofa-shaped-slough some days, has been the determination not to let Sawyer down. So I have walked, and we’ve had all kinds of interesting adventures (including Flat Sawyer being taught by a Time Lord how to split himself into three, so that he could visit Weston Super Mare, Haye-on-Wye, and remain in Southampton, all at once).

Sarah, then Jeri, tagged me for the 7-day nature photography challenge, too, and that’s also helped immeasurably, knowing that I’m letting them down if I don’t GET OUT THERE and find something lovely to share of my Springtime. I suppose, in a way, I’m most thankful for Instagram and Faebook, which is where most of this has taken place, allowing me to share photos of my adventures and findings, and join other people in, and do just enough connecting that I haven’t felt entirely lost.

Beauty in brokenness - summat2thinkon.wordpress.com

I’ve also been thankful for the (probably related to my new perspective) Erma Bombeck blogging workshop, which looked like GREAT fun, and a setting for huge, wonderful connecting and networking. After being scythed by an intense envy, just as everyone was getting worked up to go, I’ve settled again and realised that it makes no difference to me, whether I’m here or there. My people are still my people. My friends are still my friends. I don’t get to go and do the in-person, delightful, giggly, meet-your-idols-and-reconnect-with-lovely-friends thing, but…it doesn’t matter with regard to the core stuff. That remains true, solid, and dependable (if a little fuzzy around the edges at times).

I’m thankful for Katharine, who is a staunch member of the TToT, but who takes time to share wonderful things and seems to really appreciate what I put ‘out there’, which is lovely, and we have some awesome little chats in the comments. I’m thankful for Kerry, who is another staunch member of the Thankful gang, and who uses her experience as someone whose sight is limited, to open my eyes to the challenges and unfairnesses of the world around us (there is more entrenched ‘ableism’ than I ever thought). I’m thankful for Lisa, who nominated me to participate in the ‘Music and Words Awards’, which will be something for me to think about and craft this coming week, especially as I’ve been without music for so long (never a good idea when it means so much). I’m thankful for Hasty, my Person, whose birthday it was this week, and for a world, and all the lives (especially mine) SO much embettered by her existence. I’m thankful for Vince, who I get to see In Real, and whose friendship and company (and the great cooking we do) is a high point, especially as I’m recovering and get to see him a bit more often. I’m thankful for Kristi, who makes me laugh at stupid’o’clock in the morning, when conversation about the lateness of the hour and my inability to sleep (whoops, late-night caffeine) turned into an impromptu poetry-jamming session (TOTALLY AWESOME). I’m thankful for Abbie, for her friendship and understanding, and for checking in on me. I’m thankful for Samara for giving me the ‘behind the scenes’ at Erma and for wishing I could have been there. I’m thankful for Denise, whose quiet words of encouragement have been a real boost this week. I’m thankful for Val, whose competition on Words With Friends has kept me feeling connected in a manageable way. I’m thankful for Dyanne, who has such a history of being able to help me cheer up when I’ve been down, it only takes one line from a song about ants to remind me…

I’m thankful for so, so many more. And for you, for reading this.

So it’s been a week of flatness, and a bit of brokenness. But there has been beauty in the brokenness, and no, those connections aren’t going anywhere.

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69 thoughts on “Ten Things of Thankful 146 (Feeling Flat) #10Thankful

  1. He hee stupid-o-clock. Those are the best kinds of people. The ones who are up at that time.
    I think that’s the time I’m up because I look at the clock and say “sweet f*ck, now what do I do” and normally, I poke my dog to see if he’s still living because he’s old.
    Random comment of the day goes to….
    Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL there’s a series called ‘Vicious’, which stars Ian McKellan and Derek Jacobi as a pair of *incredibly* bitchy queens, and they have an old dog which is half-dead, and the shenanigans they go through to keep it ‘alive’ are quite hilarious. It’s well worth a look 🙂


  2. Oh sweetest Lizzi… I understand that disconnect so well- that angst and that feeling of letting go and ‘what ifs’ that come with it. Of wondering if there is true worth of our words and our connections and all we do to stay “IN. IT.”- I understand. And I SO celebrate these thankfuls with you- the really beautiful friendships that endure everything. The realization that life surely carries on without us- yes true. BUT- when we are added to it, there is more richness in the lives of many. YOU add that to an incredible amount of people everywhere. Including me. You will ALWAYS be important to me. I can’t imagine life without you, lovey. And I’m so grateful for us.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We touch the lives we are meant to touch by putting our words and selves out into the world, whether it be via social media or the “real” world. Some connections stick more than others is what I often remind myself, but each one leaves a valuable impression. Your words and general presence online have indeed left a valuable impression on me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, I really appreciate that. I’m in a low place today and these words are really helping – that what I put out there isn’t just so much the e-equivalent of hot air, but that some meaning from them condenses and is left as droplet-thoughts in other people’s minds and lives. That matters, doesn’t it. Thank you for reminding me.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lizzi – Thank you for stopping by my blog. Your words here are beautiful and poetic, so much so that I urge you to believe that you must still put them together, when you have energy, and believe that they can make a difference. And never stop finding things to be thankful about. Thanks for the inspiration…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much Julia – it’s hard to believe what I write makes any kind of difference, some days, yet…you remind me that even now, my words have impact, imprint themselves in tiny ways on peoples lives, and from there, friendships and connections can grow, which is really the whole All of everything in life.

      Thank you 🙂


  5. I hope you do realize that not only do YOU matter but your writing here does. So very much. I don’t know anyone in the blogging world who has touched more lives on a personal level than you. And I’m not exaggerating or blowing smoke. I truly mean that.

    Yes, people’s lives move on and we are all off and on FB and we can often be like ships passing in the night and miss each other but then go about our days. But that does not diminish your friendship or your influence and impact. What I’ve had to understand (and I’m still working on it) is that life seems to inexplicably be getting busier each year. I am constantly feeling like I’m letting down friends and family and not staying in touch with anyone enough. It’s constant juggling of keeping contact and mostly I’m failing. I feel this way with online and blogging friends too. Some times it keeps me up at night worried that I might be forsaking friendships that matter to me. It doesn’t help matters that I’m flighty and forgetful too. Sorry, I didn’t mean to go off on this tangent but I just so want you to know that you matter to me, even when I’m being a slacker friend. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love you, G! ❤ Your words have come at JUST the right moment, and thank you so much for reminding me, this morning, as I lament again over being absent, that the true and real, wonderful friendships, won't fade or diminish just because I don't write here for a bit, or lose touch on social media. Thank you. Thank you. And for your friendship, ALWAYS ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. hey, you know I’m a clark, right?*
    in any event, we loves to share experiences, because, well…knowledge is power (at least it would be in our reality)… so after surgery, the body totally says, ‘what?!?! what the hell did you just let happen!?!?!”

    seriously, (on previous surgery adventures, I happened to take note (well, because I’m a clark! duh!) in any event, I happened to notice that my posture was kinda closed in or something, bad posture**
    and it occurred to me that my body was reacting defensively to what someone had just done to it! (doesn’t matter that what was done was for the good of the body, the fact was, it was assaulted and it reacted as any injured lifeforms will react… it closed down and went into defensive mode.
    (I have presented my clarklike credentials, yes? ’cause to the casual (or, as I’ve been cracking myself up with lately, ‘to the causal’) observer, I may seem to be pretending to know about medical things. But, then again, I am a clark, so it’s ok)
    where was I?
    oh yeah… this defensive reaction on the part of my body. definitely believe in it. and being a clark, to know is better than to not know… and it helped (me) at the time to be aware of it, so that, as I recovered physically, I didn’t remain in a posture of an injured lifeform (at least not any longer than was prudent)

    thought I’d share that little adventure in ‘shit-we-let-strangers-do-to-our-bodies’

    *of course you know that.
    ** by ‘bad posture’ I mean worse than normal for a clark lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • **LOL! I’ve been deliberately looking in store windows as I’ve walked past, and trying to resemble an ‘l’ rather than a ‘)’ *sigh*

      My body is apparently STILL going through the “what the hell happened” and today is refusing to co-operate, but later I will take it out (once the rain has stopped) for a walk, and I have TWO useful things to do, which every clark knows is the best motivation a person could possibly have.

      If only I could find a way that me being less affected by gravity was USEFUL to someone else. Lack of self-esteem takes more energy than I have to spare at the moment.

      I’m always glad for your insights, Clark. Thank you 🙂


  7. OH, Flat (Fill in the Name)s are so much fun. All three of my kids sent them out when they were small. One became a cowboy at a Nebraska rodeo!
    I am glad you have been getting out into nature. Vitamin D and just the pleasantness of spring buoy the spirits. Hope you are feeling yourself again soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • A COWBOY?! That’s so SO cool! I wish I could do something that cool with my Flat Sawyer, but I’m having fun with him and he’s definitely getting me out and about. Here’s hoping the sun shines again this afternoon and I can get some more Vit D going!


  8. You are too sweet, Lizzi! I think you ARE making a difference with your blog. As much as I want to be thankful, your example encouragement have actually made me START the habit of being thankful. It’s telling that gratitude is difficult for me, so this is great practice. Also, if you were here right now, I would offer you some tea and tell you that feeling flat is a natural side effect of all that your body has been through. Even so, your honest sharing will help many of us who worry about whether it matters if we write a single word…. Love you, wild one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I realised I spelled your name wrong! I do apologise! That explains why I couldn’t find you forever on Facebook to tag! I will change that errant ‘e’! I know how they grate.

      I’m so glad you took up the challenge of gratitude. Your posts so cheer me, and it’s so hugely encouraging to know that what I’ve done and what I say each week makes a genuine difference 🙂 If I was there right now, I would LOVE a cup of tea (in fact, that’s next on my agenda, along with lunch (which makes it amusing that I typo’d ‘fact’ and wrote ‘fat’ instead)) and I would try to listen, because today is another day of feeling flat, and it’s raining out til later, so I will have to find magical ways to amuse myself. Maybe a movie 🙂

      And trust me – what you write matters 🙂 It does. It must do. Because people tell me mine does, so surely it applies to us all 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. “too overwhelmed to write, too exhausted to go out, too jittery to sleep”

    Welcome to my world, Bezzie. I hope you don’t have to stay in it too long.

    I am thankful for you too. I should probably rejoin this blog hop, but every time I write thankful things they end up sounding overly saccharine when I read them back to myself. I have definitely entered a cynical era in my life, I think. Hopefully it, like most of my moods, won’t last.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hopefully not! And…am going to try to get some sleep *sigh* Here’s hoping for peace.

      (probably is a bit like ‘should’ – do what works for you, when it fits to do it)


  10. Sorry you’ve had such a hard time. I didn’t know you had surgery. Love hearing about the Flat Sawyer project. My youngest sent his to our son in college and Flat Joe went everywhere. Hope things get better soon. Here’s to the week ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ohhh I bet Flat Joe had a BLAST in college! Wow! So many things to do and see! I hope he didn’t get up to too many shenanigans though! Lol. I’m being careful about my language as I write these adventures up, cos I’m trying to remember it’s going to be displayed as a project in a class full of young kids!

      Surgery sucked but the pain before it was MUCH worse. Here’s to healing and a better week for everyone, everywhere! 🙂


  11. I love the story and concept of Flat Staley! Years ago we made a “Card Barb” of my Aunt Barbara, who lives in Surrey, thus we don’t see her IRL much. Total fun.
    Sorry you were couch-flat, that’s not a fun flat, hopefully you’re feeling more 3-dimensional these days 🙂
    Your words and your encouragement mean SO MUCH to so many, I hope you do know that. Truly, deeply. My words are nonsense marshmallow fluff that barely make sense and Blogger won’t even LET ME write them the way I want because they’re so idiotic! It keeps just changing them and slapping a big white word cloud in front of me to tell me how crazy my words are. I apologize in advance for the choppy nature of my TToT, I gave up fighting it’s changes, and it looks kind of crazy. But I finished! It was not easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is, is it?
    Glad to hear you’re walking, you were SO ACTIVE before this yucky painful sickness.
    You have amazing connections, because YOU are amazing, and that’s a beautiful thing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m intrigued to know what on earth kind of word cloud Blogger keeps chucking at you! I can’t envisage it but in my imagination it’s something like little cotton-wool balls being thrown at you from the screen, each with a suggestion of a proper word being squeaked at you (kind of like the howlers in Harry Potter, but smaller and floofier) as they bounce off your head. And no, nothing worthwhile is easy (was gonna make a crude joke about making babies before I remembered that personal experience taught me even THAT isn’t easy *sigh*). I’ll have to remember that nope. NOTHING worthwhile is easy. And keep plugging away at trying to achieve the things I hope to achieve, and somehow make myself lose my laziness along the way.

      Thank you, though, for your kindness and encouragement. It’s good to know that in spite of how little I write, when I do, it means something to a few of the people who matter to me, and I’m glad you’re one of them, Joy-to-my-world 🙂 (Yes, much more 3D – it’s all the eating I’ve done whilst lying down…)


  12. I am thankful for you Lizzi! Your adventures with Flat Sawyer have been filling my England dreams and once the 60 mph winds die down I am looking forward to getting back into my walks again so I can heal fully and get some nature shots. You convinced me quite readily that my shoes do not need to go to shoe heaven ;-). Your shine and smile cheer me. Though we haven’t met (yet) I feel your presence in me.

    I don’t write nearly as much as I wish I did- just my long status updates. Instagram has become my second home instead of between the pages of my blogs. But I am totally thankful for it giving me a chance to still cherish the moments and find the positive where, as of late, I have been only finding negative.

    You are awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gretchen, you have been a little light on dark days for me, and I’ve so enjoyed our exchanges. I’m particularly pleased you’re keeping your shoes!

      Instagram is wonderful – it seems less taxing than creating an entire blog post, but has a similar effect. I barely post anything on facebook now, bar stuff I’ve shared from other people, and my lack of ‘greasing the wheel’ has made a difference – I feel almost lost there now.

      I hope you get better weather soon, so you can go out, and here’s to full healing, good health, and good connections 🙂


  13. Ah, I posted on Facebook, my question to the flat thing, but I realize I really should have come here to read this first. All my questions would be answered and they were.
    Glad you get to take up the challenge to show him around like that.
    That writer’s workshop sounds interesting too. I’ve also seen posts about it on FB for a while now and wondered about it. Didn’t know anone before who went to it though.
    Thanks for the mention. Ablism, definitely a problem, but how big of one is the question.
    You have a hard time of it lately. I said how wonderful you are to me, that you dreamed it all up, but just because you did so doesn’t mean you are always up and positive with finding thankfuls and don’t need others to take it up the slack of it sometimes. You deserve to write and post when and where you can, sometimes, to take a smaller role, if that’s what you might need. You know what online has given you still, through all your friends, even if sometimes you might feel distant and separate from time to time.
    I know what you mean about scars, but unfortunately, mine are so big and so many that I’ve worked so hard, to no avail, to do anything to get rid of them with creams or lotions. It is nice you’ve had some success with that.
    I hope nature continues to help you. Snow here, but spring is still not far and I am happpy to say it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ergh. BOOOOO to snow and cold 😦 I wish I could send you some of our sunshine. It was WARM yesterday (though today was chilly and it rained).

      I still recommend the bio-oil. It’s faded some old ones I had as well. If you haven’t tried it before, it might still be worth a shot. BUT, as I wrote on a photo which was doing the rounds on FB the other day (a young boy who looked as though he’d had some pretty major surgery had cried when his dressings were removed because he thought people would find him ugly with all his scars) – these are visible signs of courage and of determination to beat that which seeks to destroy us. So, I don’t mind mine too much, but…it’s easy to say that when they’re small, perhaps.

      And THANK YOU…I don’t usually take much truck with the word ‘deserve’ because I always find it ties into obligations and earnings, but…perhaps in this case I’ve earned the right to be slack when I need to. And I have been, and it’s been okay, which is awesome. I love that this community is so forgiving and so welcoming, no matter how late you come to the hop 🙂 We have a great bunch of people here. Truly 🙂


  14. I’ve been reading Anne of Green Gables to youngest daughter lately, and your description of “Slough of Despond” reminds me of something Anne would say. You do have a way with words, and once written, those words remain whether or not you are feeling flat or fully, engaged.

    I’m sorry that the slough of despond is larger than you had hoped, but agree that sleep must be a good thing for healing. I’ve often wondered about how to best balance time spent connecting online with time spent connecting irl, and still come away feeling like I’ve fallen short on both counts.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that your words do matter, you have made a difference (and continue to do so), that taking some time to heal is understandable, and you won’t always feel flat.

    Sending you sunshine from California. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you always, always, ALWAYS for sunshine, Kristi, and for saying such helpful things. My ‘slough’ has become a lot smaller in the last few days, which is a HUGE relief, though I still miss the impetus to write and be part of this, I also like that I’m lazily appreciating life as it unfolds, not hankering to be back online, wondering what I’m missing. I wonder if that’s the balance – more apathy on both counts!

      I’ve never read Anne of Green Gables. I’ve heard it’s a classic though, so I might have to give it a try at some point 🙂 I’m currently half way through The Sword in the Stone (having now read two entirely separate books which referenced it).


  15. Hello from flat Sawer #3
    Since he arrived in Weston-super-Mare he has been very well behaved.
    Today we visited the sand sculptures
    I’ve spent two and a half days in bed with my ill health, so I enjoyed getting out and enjoyed the sea air

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was SO SO IMPRESSED with the sand sculptures! WOW! I couldn’t believe they were just SAND! Surely they put glue in there as well, or SOMETHING to make it hold together!


      • The ‘sand’ at Weston-super-Mare is special. Under the microscope it is irregular shaped bits of shell and rock and estuary mud. Mixed with water it forms very strong bonds. Proper sand aka silica dioxide is smoother, so bonds not as strong.
        The final pieces are sprayed with a solution of watered down pva to give some rain resistance.
        There is damage to repair most days.
        Season ticket means I can observe it.

        Liked by 1 person

        • OH BOOM! I GUESSED THE GLUE! Still, that’s very cool that the sand is so cohesive at a microscopic level. Wow…I guess sand is different in different places and does different things!


  16. I had heard of Flat Stanley, but I never knew it was a kids storybook the inspired the visit.. What a wonderful project and how cool that Flat Sawyer had some adventures across the ocean. The teacher in me is excited about the opportunities for learning in so many areas. I’ve enjoyed our games and our messenger chats as well. You can write about lying on a couch like no other. Have you read Eckert Tolle/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mr and Mrs Lambchop, and their sons Stanley and George. It’s a classic (English, almost certainly, with those names) book, and goodness knows how it ended up being an American school project, but I’m loving being part of it.

      I have not read Eckert Tolle but I’ve heard the name. Are couches featured?


      • I haven’t read much of Tolle but people have shared his interesting philosophy of the mind with me. Your SC post reminded me that I wanted to read his work

        Liked by 1 person

      • I only knew about flat Stanley from the American cartoon that was on British tv.
        No idea it came from a book.
        I’ve always enjoyed kids tv as an adult!

        Liked by 1 person

        • As someone who’s about to watch a Disney movie with lunch, I can agree with that sentiment.

          Didn’t know Flat Stanley was an American cartoon though!


  17. Your words connect with me too, and it always good to have that nodding thought of, ‘oh, they feel like me too’. It helps the isolation to evaporate a little. I had a proper crises earlier this week – one in IRL, not just the usual downward spirals of my thoughts. And I sorted it out very quickly; which is remarkable in itself. Also a little scary, because you know, it must be too good to be true, right?! During a rollercoaster period of 24 hrs three people remarked on how calm I was; one of them doesn’t even know me. Perhaps I’ll do a post on it all 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sorry I missed it and wasn’t around to bolster you! I’m glad you had the people you did, and that it worked out okay, and that you were calm and managed well. *HUGS* Good for you 🙂

      I’m glad (and not glad) my words resonate with you. But you’re right – the “me too” feeling counts a LOT, and I love finding that in other people’s writing.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. So much resonates (for me) in your post Lizzi. I “hear” you loud and clear. And wish there were magic words to “explain” it (the first part).
    I appreciate the shout out 🙂 I believe that it is not a matter of frequency so much as the affect one’s words has on another. Power, connection, identification.
    Yes, you “matter to the people to whom I matter”. Always 🙂
    Write on Lizzi. Write on.
    P.S. Sleep now while you can! When you’re older you will want to but won’t lol (but should *wink, wink*)

    Liked by 1 person

    • HA! I have new plans for making sure I get to bed sooner (they’re not working so well tonight, but never mind!) Once I’m better and back in my routine, I hope my other new plans will kick in and it will all come together in a glorious way. We shall see.

      As to the first…*sigh* I’ll send hugs for resonance and connection, because both things matter, and for us, both are good things, even if one is something of…an un-ordeal.


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