So, my lovelies. Tonight is a night of NOT so much the night, and of very much whine, and also very much WINE, which means that this may not be as coherent a post as you’ve come to expect, although I suspect it will be delightfully rambly and have a whole HEAP of those glorious run-on sentences I know you love so much. *breathe*
So. The week. Rain. Whine. Broken vehicles (seriously, four on the same day, all of which gave me MASSIVE headaches of Trying To Sort). Whine. Customs charging me an extortionate amount (which I still have to pay) just because they’re greedy, moneygrabbing bastards. Whine. And completelyfuckingridiculous day of a Friday which just should have been erased from the start. Whine.
Except it’s ended with wine. And wine is good, at least for mitigating some of the whine. Until I remember about the calories (and the bar of dark chocolate), but yaknow what? That whine can be for tomorrow, because tonight I’m buzzed, and I’mma write for you.
This week was a week of dim mists and trying to convince myself I was coming out into the light and beginning to be okay again, and perhaps I was until today hit, and my mood took several knocks with a sledhammer of stupidity (mine) and orneriness (technology’s) and simply the unjust factors of the day (rain, I’m looking at you here), which added insult and mocking to injury.
Not that there was an injury, thank goodness – I was spared that. But there was LOTS of noisy swearing and gritted-teeth-patience. Which was honestly the best I could do. Until wine, and now I’m TOTES chilled and giggly and happy to reflect on the very DONEness of the week.
BUT. Because here at this here hop we KNOW that even the bad times have silver linings, I KNOW I can find some things for which to be filled with all kinds of gratitudinal feelings. So there. “Chin up”, as my darling Sparkly One, Ra, says.
THANKFULS! (in spite of, or because of, or around and beside, wine)
Every single of the wonderful, wonderful amazing people who made my Friday tiny bits better with their sparks of light amongst the extreme frustration of four broken vehicles and lots of lateness and lack of patience. Shout outs to A (my new and wonderful OceanHeart friend (yes, I found another one, Val), and Hasty, and Kristi, and Beth, and Mandi, and Erin.
Special Shout-out to Ra, who left me a beautiful message of encouragement.
Special shout-out to Vince, who got me to and from work in the dry (in one of the dumbfuck cars) in spite of ALL THE THINGS (and believe me, they were many and varied, and every single one was a total pain in the ass).
Happiness: Wearing jewellery bought for me by people who have their own spaces in my heart, because it reminds me of them, and that makes me smile on the bad days, because I remember. And even if I don’t wear the jewellery often because it’s so SO too special for me, and I just keep it in a box within arm’s reach, so I can always hold it and look at it, and marvel that you thought I was worth it…it matters. It armours me and helps me feel capable.
SUCCESS! No matter how minor, beginning to take on work (ok, two bits of) as a Virtual Assistant, and the idea that I could make that an effective little side-line for myself, as well as exploring other options, is very…achievey feeling. And I’m very thankful for all the help and input I’ve had to get me to this point, particularly for the encouragement from Piper and Katie.
Happiness: Finding a new person in the World Between the Wires, with whom you feel an instant connection and find many shared parallels. Who understands you instinctively, and whose writing, viewpoint and intellect you respect immensely, and whose company you very much enjoy. Who checks in and makes a difference to your day with the nothings and somethings and shared minutiae of life. (Yes, I’m being intentionally vague, and there are a few people generally who fit this mold, but one in particular, and I’m not ready to share yet (because reasons)).
BUZZED: Nice bottle of rose and some bawdy talk (online and off) to accompany it, and the dark chocolate which somehow ended up gone, and the evening meal of veggie goodness, and the AFTER feeling of the day of shittiness and all the bads, and how it was OVER AND DONE WITH, and I could relax. It *almost* made the badness worthwhile, to have the AFTER. But not quite.
TRANSCENDENCE: Music. Music to lift you away from the world and send you into another plane, where all that matters is you and the notes weaving their way around your neural pathways, tracking galaxies of beauty in their wake. Coupla pieces like this, this week. I’m very happy about that. And also so happy to share them with those who feel the same way.
Perspective: On the Nows and Nexts and goalposts shifting every day, and changes upcoming, and shifting sands beneath the feet, and points of perfectly wonderful constant within all of those, because of hearts aligned for good.
Ships, which I’m continuing to send out, in spite of a notable absence on return, the point is in the sending. So there.
And the thing it all comes back around to: LOVE.
❤ ❤ ❤