I realise this is something of an ‘open letter’ format (a vehicle I’m still not entirely sure I like, though I admit it serves its purpose) but in writing this post in this way, I have the opportunity to spin words around you in a shimmering cloud, creating the illusion of intimacy, and just-the-two-of us, whilst still allowing anyone else who visits to read about my thoughts on your birthday, on you, on our friendship, thus giving them the opportunity to sit back in wonder, and hopefully learn to fall a little bit in love with you, too.
First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
By the time this goes live, I will already have left you messages (and birthday boobs, because you asked) wishing you many happy returns of the day, but allow me to do it again. Probably more than once – HAPPY BIRTHDAY – not necessarily because the day will be perfect, or because anything other than it marks the day you were born, and that’s something I’m immensely glad happened. I want to celebrate that, out loud, noisily, and with all the fanfare I can possibly generate. Because you’re worth it. Because I get to choose that you are, and act accordingly. Because to me, you are family.
Anyway, the brief was to add a song to your birthday mix-tape (because mix-tapes are so adorably thirteen, because you love music, and because it’s something we could all do together), to write about why we chose it, to explain a little of why you matter, and what we love about you, and celebrate YOU in a way that leaves no doubt at all – you are loved; you matter; you are valued very, very highly; you are part of us.
Naturally, I’m going to do it a bit haphazardly (as is my wont to do).
Firstly, lovey – LOVE! I think I’m probably in danger of paraphrasing Roger Rabbit if I try to properly count the number of hows and ways “do I love thee”, but I’ll try to explain some of them. I HOPE you know already, and that this is for the benefit of those vicarious readers of this very meaningful piece…that they should learn how wonderful you are is a desire of my heart, for today.
ONE (one thousand) – Your PASSION
It’s overwhelming, sometimes, just how very, very much you CARE – about your son, your friends, the state of the education system, music, your writing, the mission with Sisterwives, living life to the fullest, living in a state of abundance…I could go on – and it’s a wonderful, glorious, breathtaking dunk into an endless ocean of pitch-and-neon spangled depths, rip tides, sparkled sunshine, incredible azure blue, and the desire that if this is what it’s like to live WITH FEELING, I never want to breathe again.
TWO (one thousand) – Your DETERMINATION
I’ve read, I’ve heard, I’ve seen for myself and known the results of, your absolute balls-to-the-wall determination to achieve the things you set out to do. I know it can prove an exacting, double-edged sword, but your commitment to a plan or idea once you’ve decided it’s the right course of action, is inspiring and wonderful to see. I’ve seen your stone-cold certainty that you WILL achieve something (whether practical/physical/mindset) and MAKE IT HAPPEN. And I’m immensely, endlessly glad about that, because I think there are relatively few people in my ken with the ability to get their tunnel-vision on, and work it to their advantage in quite the same way. The thing is, Precious – and this is where I stumble and wish I could show you how amazing you are, and have you SEE it (though I think I’d have more chance of that, these days) – I think there are times when you just don’t comprehend how RIGHT you’re getting it.
THREE (one thousand) – Your FRIENDSHIP
I could write you an entire book from sheer love and happiness at having been bestowed your friendship, and STILL not be able to contain within it the myriad ways you matter to me, and how much I care about you, and about having you in my everyday. I adore that we talk every day; that you let me be part of your Real (as referenced in yesterday’s post, for LD); that you are interested in my everyday; that you want us both to become better and better people – more competent and capable of functioning in this world, with all its traps and pitfalls – and that you’re determined to see us both succeed in as many ways as possible. I love that we can talk at length on most subjects under the sun, and that all moods are acceptable, as long as we communicate through them. I’m so relieved that you don’t object to my dorkiness or snobbery, and I think that you might just be helping to rub off a few more of the rough corners I know exist.
I’m honoured by your trust, fireworked by your friendship, thrilled to be part of your Real, and forever thankful for you.
Now to your song, Precious, and I think it’s one you’ll like, though I don’t know if I will have picked it for the ‘right’ reasons – I’ve chosen it simply because it came to embody meaning to me, and that meaning was you. I’ve listened to it on a loop as I’ve written this, and as I’ve thought about it over the last few days, and even as I wrote my piece for LD yesterday…the very chords now exude an aura of you, and the complexity, beauty, deep meaning and wider context of the song all seem to fit.
Yes, the initial connection occurred when I read something beautiful you had written, though I loved the song long before that. But when you wrote, it became something which ‘tagged’ onto you, and then the more I heard the song – the number of times it came on the radio as I was texting you (remember I sent you a snippet of it?) is UNREAL – the more I felt as though it was utterly right.
Now it’s a total Samara-trigger, and I can’t hear it without thinking of you, getting goosebumps, smiling and remembering how very. very lucky I am to have you in my life. Thank you again for your friendship, and one final time, I want to wish you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, and to tell you I love you. And tomorrow I will really for real hug you tight, and tell you to your face how very, very precious you are to me.
Know this, lovely – I don’t want to know about you in simple terms or convenient definitions; I will never tire of hearing all the things you think you could be: a brain, a princess, a poet, a musician, a basket-case, a parent, a perfect example of life’s challenges being risen to, and met – I CARE, and I will never, ever forget about you.
*punches the air and walks out*
To see the other tracks in the mix, or to write your own post and join in, click here: