At some point you’re going to get fed up of my inconsistency (if that’s not already a thing) and begin to understand why I have ten faithful co-hosts, the majority of whom are far better at actually DOING the hopping, unlike me, who seems to fall afoul of Real, and ends up just…not.
I’m sad for that. I used to love making sure I got to every single person’s post, and leaving them some encouraging words, but these days…I flake out and don’t make it and then end up drawing a line in the sand lest I get swamped by the overwhelming presence of all those posts I’ve missed.
I’ve always said this is a no-obligation hop, to anyone who’s asked. Either I need to extend that same ‘chill’ factor to myself and allow that I will always do what I can, or I need to stop joining in. At the moment I think I’d rather the former, though I understand completely if you want to take umbrage and ignore what I wrote, because I know I’ve been crap at ‘playing by the rules’ of late. In fact, my only constant is my inconsistency, so go figure.
So here are my attempts at thankfuls:
I’m really really glad to have the heartache and reality check of going to see Jenny each day. It gives a powerfully different lens through which to view my own self-pity, and reminds me that people have ACTUAL problems, and I need to just try to keep letting go of all the things which hurt. Please consider helping her…
With regard those hurts, I’m glad for alcohol. I’m *through gritted teeth* still grateful to Vince for hiding the strong painkillers. I’m glad I got back in touch with the eating disorder clinic, and that I’m going for an assessment after I get back from Murica. I’m also terrified of that, because I’m back in the position of not being sure if I want to be ‘fixed’ because last time that started to happen, I put on weight, and then that caused its own issue. Maybe one day I’ll figure out that whole ‘maturity’ thing, but in the meantime I’m glad to have so many examples around me to observe and learn from.
I’m pleased I was accepted to have a piece published on Club Mid at Scary Mommy; I’m very appreciative of the money towards my Murica trip, and I’m intensely glad for the children around the world who I consider a little bit ‘mine’.
I’m thankful for friends who send me music, and I’m particularly thankful for the following piece, which I’m beginning to hear as less a plaintive cry against someone else, but a lament of the soul, turned inwards. I love it, and at least the music is still playing.
I’m VERY PLEASED about the post this week – important murica-related things arrived, and beautiful, lovely, Murica-bound things were sent. I like that I can do that. It brings me great delight to know that i can have a tangible (and usually sparkly) impact on a friend.
I’m immensely thankful for the people who look after me, care about me and let me know, encourage me, and try their best to put me back together. And I’m SO looking forward to Murica, where I get to meet some of them.= In Real. It will be glorious.
And now I’m thankful for sleep, which is imminent. At some point I might be thankful I was too tired to care I was putting out such an atrocious post, but that time is not now. I’m exhausted and I care that this all a bit crap, but not enough to do anything about it.
See you around the hop, if I make it. Don’t hold your breath, but DO share Jenny’s campaign, if you can – if the breadth of things I’m capable of giving a fuck about is shrinking – and let’s give them a boost.