Ten Things of Thankful 115 #10Thankful

At some point you’re going to get fed up of my inconsistency (if that’s not already a thing) and begin to understand why I have ten faithful co-hosts, the majority of whom are far better at actually DOING the hopping, unlike me, who seems to fall afoul of Real, and ends up just…not.

I’m sad for that. I used to love making sure I got to every single person’s post, and leaving them some encouraging words, but these days…I flake out and don’t make it and then end up drawing a line in the sand lest I get swamped by the overwhelming presence of all those posts I’ve missed.

I’ve always said this is a no-obligation hop, to anyone who’s asked. Either I need to extend that same ‘chill’ factor to myself and allow that I will always do what I can, or I need to stop joining in. At the moment I think I’d rather the former, though I understand completely if you want to take umbrage and ignore what I wrote, because I know I’ve been crap at ‘playing by the rules’ of late. In fact, my only constant is my inconsistency, so go figure.

So here are my attempts at thankfuls:

I’m really really glad to have the heartache and reality check of going to see Jenny each day. It gives a powerfully different lens through which to view my own self-pity, and reminds me that people have ACTUAL problems, and I need to just try to keep letting go of all the things which hurt. Please consider helping her…

Shanty Town

With regard those hurts, I’m glad for alcohol. I’m *through gritted teeth* still grateful to Vince for hiding the strong painkillers. I’m glad I got back in touch with the eating disorder clinic, and that I’m going for an assessment after I get back from Murica. I’m also terrified of that, because I’m back in the position of not being sure if I want to be ‘fixed’ because last time that started to happen, I put on weight, and then that caused its own issue. Maybe one day I’ll figure out that whole ‘maturity’ thing, but in the meantime I’m glad to have so many examples around me to observe and learn from.

I’m pleased I was accepted to have a piece published on Club Mid at Scary Mommy; I’m very appreciative of the money towards my Murica trip, and I’m intensely glad for the children around the world who I consider a little bit ‘mine’.

I’m thankful for friends who send me music, and I’m particularly thankful for the following piece, which I’m beginning to hear as less a plaintive cry against someone else, but a lament of the soul, turned inwards. I love it, and at least the music is still playing.

I’m VERY PLEASED about the post this week – important murica-related things arrived, and beautiful, lovely, Murica-bound things were sent. I like that I can do that. It brings me great delight to know that i can have a tangible (and usually sparkly) impact on a friend.

I’m immensely thankful for the people who look after me, care about me and let me know, encourage me, and try their best to put me back together. And I’m SO looking forward to Murica, where I get to meet some of them.= In Real. It will be glorious.

And now I’m thankful for sleep, which is imminent. At some point I might be thankful I was too tired to care I was putting out such an atrocious post, but that time is not now. I’m exhausted and I care that this all a bit crap, but not enough to do anything about it.

See you around the hop, if I make it. Don’t hold your breath, but DO share Jenny’s campaign, if you can – if the breadth of things I’m capable of giving a fuck about is shrinking – and let’s give them a boost.

Love however it happens

Your turn…

 

Ten Things of Thankful
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57 thoughts on “Ten Things of Thankful 115 #10Thankful

  1. You know, as someone who’s battled eating disorders for years (and was scared to learn how close to the surface they are still hiding), I realized that assessments really don’t help much (at least to me). It took me to realize that I needed to use the incredibly strength of will and discipline that I used to make myself sick to make myself well again. It took years, but I managed to get to a stage where I feel comfortable and secure – at least most of the time. Hugs to you, and many healing vibes across the Channel!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The beauty of this beautiful thing you started is that it is just here when you’re ready. It isn’t “tit for tat” kind of empty vase of a promise of connections. It’s good people, REAL people, with real lives, who do when they can, and just read when they can’t. I hope I can again soon.
    I can’t wait to see you in the REAL. Less than a month!
    You’re doing such great beautiful, important things for Jenny. Reminding us ALL that good people exist in this Crap Sandwich of a world. Even if they’re FAR AWAY!
    *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

    • Right this second, that ‘far away’ is killing me.

      But thank you. I try. I so try. And I can’t fix everything and it sucks because so much needs fixing, Joy. SO MUCH. But thank you always for your encouragement and example. I can’t WAIT to meet you ❤

      Like

  3. This summer I have taken a hop/comment sabbatical. Which made me laugh when I saw you have the same struggle. of wanting to be supportive but having to draw a line to save yourself from over commitment.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so jealous of your trip and all the amazing people you’re going to get to meet! I spend my life falling behind with blog visiting and feeling guilty about it – but I’m just back from a break so raring to go for one! Have an amazing time, and I hope you manage to catch up on some sleep before you go – or at least hope you conk out on the plane if not!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I’m rather relying on the plane trips to give me sufficient energy to sleep very little for the rest of the trip. I’m not going to want to waste a single moment! I resent sleep enough as it is!
      It’s such an incredible thing. I can’t believe it’s nearly here! I’m astonished.

      Don’t beat yourself up about blog visiting. Draw a line under it and start over when it suits you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sleep is wonderful, and vacations are wonderful, too. The planning is fun, too–though not as nice as the actual moment of the trip. I am so excited for you and hope it is a happy, happy time!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have been terribly absent from visiting you here…and I know you’d say worry not so I’ll say the same to you. Shit happens. Life happens. If you don’t get around to everybody, well, apply the chill factor you mentioned.
    Crap. Dinner timer is beeping…great timing, eh? You know I’ll talk to you later at some point in some place. Can’t wait till you’re here!!! XO

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: * The bleeding edge | Teachezwell Blog

  8. I’m only halfway through my first cup of coffee. So my comment machine isn’t fired up.
    It’s too hard to read every post in the blog hop. Maybe you want to be outside a little.

    Who says we’re not sharing a bed? 😜

    Liked by 1 person

    • *MY* turn to go tingly!! 😜

      In fairness all I said was that you’re not scheduled. I’m anticipating surprising amounts of ‘unscheduled’, given the enormity of the trip.

      I have spent lots of time outside, watching, playing, nibbling ears (and having mine nibbled) and kissing small faces as I hug ‘my’ kids. Today I had four of them together and it has been BEAUTIFUL 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Thanks for sharing the song, Lizzi. I tend to agree with you about what it really means!
    I’m glad you’re getting excited about your trip – I’m sure every one beyond the pond must be looking forward eagerly to your arrival.
    Have a break from commenting and from anything that causes you stress! ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have a tendency to twist songs so they’re absolutely all about me. Lol. I do it with Nirvana’s ‘All Apologies’ and Muse’s ‘Madness’ too.

      The trip is giving me SUCH excitement. I spent a couple of hours yesterday with WonderAunty helping me to organise the itinerary and important things about flights that I’d missed.

      I DO want to come round everyone, and I’ll try, but…eh. Life’s taken over again.

      Like

  10. I love you and love your honesty and am so proud of you for little steps.
    Be good to you first and foremost friend. It’s hard to do but necessary.
    There’s a world of support around you, even if it’s not “physically there”. It’s there always. Remember that mmmmmkay?
    xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    • Awwwh thank you. And I know it’s there and it matters SO SO much even if it’s not physically ‘right there’ it still counts and helps. Promise. I’m trying to be good to me – I’m going to the gym and eating well and all that 🙂 I’m glad you like the honesty – it’s kind of the best policy for me.

      Like

    • I don’t feel like I do much – certainly not more than I feel an ordinary human person would. But I just talk about it more, perhaps. I’m glad you think I’m sunshiney. That’s awesome 🙂

      And YES! Here’s to most definitely staying healthy for my trip! Thanks Vidya 🙂

      Like

  11. I am glad you credited my prevention of your developing a codeine addiction as a thing of Thankful, even if you did do so reluctantly.

    FYI, at some point those pills are going back to the chemist.

    Liked by 2 people

    • No, because I don’t want to pay again for if I get shingles again. They can go to Mum’s if need be but I don’t want them gone gone. They cost.

      And yes. I know. You keep me safe when I don’t want to be, and that DOES matter, and on good days I appreciate it hugely. Thank you.

      Like

  12. Gah, I love that song. Also, I can’t wait for you to get to America. It’s going to be so good for you to get out of your head a little bit and into the worlds of your kids because Tucker has YOU for an auntie, no matter that he’s never met you. He already loves your Rooster Hair and we can’t wait to have you here. I can’t wait to have you here. I’m so proud of you too for doing so much for Jenny. That’s big huge Our Land stuff there, you. Big. Huge. xoxo Love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey, can I write an Our Land post about Jenny? That would be possibly a thing which might be a good thing.

      And YAY to being in Tucker’s world and him seeing my Rooster hair In Real, and to seeing YOU In Real and just…BEING! 😀 I’m so completely ridiculously excited it’s NOT EVEN WORDABLE!

      And YES to out of my head for a bit 😀

      Like

  13. I’m glad you get to come to the USofA — it will be a whirlwind, exhausting, exciting adventure for you! I’m wish I was close enough to one of your waypoints to meet you in person!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I have only been doing this for 3 months really. I have been doing well to make it around to all the blogs, but that might change, depending on my life going forward. I can’t let it bother me and can only do what I can do. Congratulations on your post being published also. Read it. Well articulated.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Kerry. It really mattered to me (as you know) and it’s been a post which has been sitting around in my heart for a while now. I’m gonna try to take a leaf from your book in my approach to getting around… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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