I probably won’t have children of my own

After everything which has happened, and all the complications, health, mental-health and relationship challenges I’ve faced, I feel (right now) as though if I were going to have kids, I’d need to meet someone worth having them with yesterday.

I checked yesterday – I didn’t meet anyone. So I’m over at Club Mid @ Scary Mommy to tell you precisely why I’m SO SO grateful for my part-time, borrowed family.

Come on over and read me there: My Part-Time Borrowed Family

Love however it happens

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29 thoughts on “I probably won’t have children of my own

  1. I feel your pain, and want to tell you never say never. Yes, you may indeed revel being auntie to many beautiful children. And who knows, you could still have your own little one. I met my husband at 30, married at 36, had our son at 38 after losing the first one, and then began to learn about my dreams being dashed upon the rocks. My whole life, it never occurred to me that I would have a child who would be different from what I knew. I had lots of dreams for us that included things like playing a musical instrument, sports, maybe martial arts or scouting, and a love of reading and writing. It never occurred to me that I would bear a child for which just being in the world was overwhelming and painful too much of the time. A child with dyslexia and other diagnoses, for whom school is his absolute least favorite place to be (and can be overwhelming). I never thought childhood would be speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, vision therapy, and energy therapy. I have had to radically adjust my expectations in life. But because of doing so, I’ve learned that my son has brilliance, just not the norm. Whether you pop a child out of your body or not, I have no doubt that your love does and will very positively affect children in your life. Besides, everyone needs a special auntie in their life. I never had that relationship, but I get to be that for one of my nieces in particular.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re right – there are never any guarantees in life, and as you say – even having a child doesn’t mean that you necessarily get to ‘live the dream’, as it were.

      I have a suspicion that anyone who isn’t a parent can only dare to dream of the highs and lows that the reality brings, and I suspect it’s vastly different than anything we could conceive (pun not intended but apt…).

      I’m glad your son has you, and you him, and that you get to be the aunty you wished you had πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It was absolutely beautiful… and I am SO glad you got on Club Mid to share your voice, your heart, your message… and even more than that? I am SO GLAD MY KIDS ADORE YOU AND YOU ARE OUR FAMILY!!!!!!

    Your love overflows through the distance… nothing can stop it. How BLESSED my kids are to have you in their lives. How blessed I AM to have you in my life. REAL HUGS SOON!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awwh thanks. And YES – I love that they took my quite unusual viewpoint and let it be published. I do so very love ‘my’ kids. I spent today with four of them and it was wonderful.

      And YES! I cannot WAIT to see you and yours IN REAL! *runs around in excitement* πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

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  3. Lizzi, life sometimes can feel so unfair, but I hope in the meantime, those little children you are able to be around will bring you some degree of joy. I’m sure the attention you show to them is appreciated. You are one of those precious people. Some day we will understand the “whys” of the timing of events in our lives.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Pat. I think you’re right, and at this stage (looking at divorce and trying to leave this whole rather sad stage of life behind me) it’s really quite freeing not to have children as a factor in something already raw and difficult in its own right.

      This weekend I’m basking in the presence of two of ‘mine’, and later will add two more of them to the number, so I’m rather enjoying myself πŸ™‚

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  4. Nicely put.
    πŸ™‚
    I try to hold onto hope, but I am 31 and nowhere near being in the kind of loving and supportive relationship I would need to be in for children even to become a discussion. I have way too many medical issues and disability related concerns to even consider doing motherhood alone. This leaves an every day struggle to accept the alternative. This is made easier by being an aunt and getting to know a surprise newborn little girl of an old friend of mine. I hope this means I can be the best I can be to the children I am lucky enough to have in my life, no matter what happens. People try to offer hope and say not to give up, but what they don’t always understand is that it’s a battle just to try to accept, often on a daily basis, over and over, that what will be will be. Life is just so unpredictable.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Ten Things of Thankful 115 #10Thankful | Considerings

  6. Wonderful post Lizzi. So sorry to hear about life’s problems throwing you a curveball. You’re a lot stronger than you think, and still very young. You can surely still have kids. Just scoop up Mr Wonderful out there waiting for you!

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    • I am. I hope I get to keep being one. I know I will to Niece and Neff, but truly they’re the only ones ‘stuck’ with me, and the others are ‘mine’ through the generosity of my friends.

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