Ten Things of Thankful 113 #10Thankful

Understandably, the first week back after a debilitating illness like shingles was never going to go all that smoothly, but I had absolutely no idea the troughs and peaks which awaited me this week. And thank goodness, too – I sometimes think that if we had access to a functioning crystal ball, we’d none of us ever get out of bed!There’s always merit to acknowledging the troughs – their depth; their colour; their seeming insurmountability and aptness to swamp one completely – but it’s also (for me) important not to dwell too much (though I’m sure I do, anyway) on looking back and going over things or re-running the scenarios in my mind until they drive me absolutely crazy. I’m perhaps (finally) beginning to develop an attitude which finds a way to embrace the bad things which happen, and then leaves them behind.

I sure hope so, anyway!

Onwards and Upwards!

I realised on Monday that I have ONE MONTH until I’m in ‘Murica, and all-of-a-sudden got absolutelyvery excited about it, and had to text Samara about a bajillion times to make sure she knew it was just one month, and that she was definitely still going to come and pick me up at the airport (she is).

There were a couple of points in the week (work-wise) which tried me to my limits and allowed me to be pleased that I hadn’t resorted to swearing (or ended up having a meltdown), and even though at one point I seriously considered quitting, I know that I won’t, because this job and my team, are so great, in spite of the occasional lousy day. I still managed to remain the consummate professional as far as my patients were concerned, and I survived adverse circumstances, so…I guess I at least exercised the opportunity to practice patience.

I had one absolutely massive dip into the abyss, but in spite of feeling incredibly low and crying to several people about how awful everything was, and how useless I was in the face of adversity, I still didn’t fall into some of the old ways of thinking (like *I* was to blame, or that *I* was a worthless piece of crap) – I was just terribly, terribly sad and lonely and disconnected, and it took a day or so to come back to ‘connected’ but as ever (for an extro), I bounced back and jumped back into people’s lives with gusto, and am beyond thankful to the few people I felt safe enough to cry to, and who all helped and supported me, and listened to my anguish, and just…accepted and acknowledged it, and tried to do what they could to make it better.

HomeForJenny

I wrote my dip, and it’s worth a read. It was triggered by meeting with Jenny and realising the extent of my own abundance compared to her utter lack, and my inability to help her in any real BIG way, in spite of my trying to get the GoFundMe campaign promoted and engaged with. But still, even in the midst of the dip, I did my best to redeem it by encouraging people to support the campaign by writing poetry and sharing an incredible (but violent) sunset which occurred at the time of my emotional wibble. A couple of days later I discovered that Jenny had some good news. REALLY good news. Pop over to GoFundMe to see what.

I also made a button (which was fun to do) so if anyone wants to steal it, link it to the campaign and bang it in their sidebar to help engender support, that would be fabulous. I also need to take my hat off and do the world’s biggest ever bow of thanks and kudos to Kimmie, who blogs over at Stuck in Scared, and who has taken Jenny and Gabriel into her heart, wrote a post for them, and pimps their cause daily. She’s a brightshinywonderful human bean and I’m so lucky to know her.

HomeForJenny Button

In spite of not making it back to boxing yet, I’m trying to see the positives in that I can cycle again without too much fatigue, and that by taking it easy, I’m hopefully not going to exhaust my body into another quickfire round of shingles. It really was so awful I’m keen not to have a repeat of it, and hope that being far, FAR more gentle with myself than usual, will help. I’ve also managed to be less anxious than usual about the less-exercise-more-food dynamic, and am kinda pleased about that, but am aware that my anxiety is bubbling away in the background and Murica’s moving ever closer (not helped by the fact that my London friend gave me a very pretty bikini she didn’t have use for, and if I wear it in Murica, well…I’ll be contributing to the crowd who get a bikini body by putting a bikini on their body (no, you can’t see a pic of me in the bikini (probably (and now I don’t think I can say bikini in this sentence any more before the word loses all meaning (bikini – see? meaning gone! (bikini)))))).

There is a perfume I fell in love with a while ago, and kept going back to the department store to spray on some of the tester and luxuriate in the scent. I was determined (in spite of the exorbitant price) to own a bottle of it, and after selling my wedding and engagement rings, I had enough. So that was LOVELY and kind of felt like closure, and a bit like redemption, because the perfume is beautiful but transient, and I know that from the offset. I’ve been waxing lyrical to Hasty about this scent, and I’m going to take it over to Murica with me and show her in person how good it is.

Parcels arrived for me this week – one from Ivy with my prize for the poetry competition, and one from Mandi, with a couple of ‘I love you’ presents and a card full of words which made my heart glow. I loved opening them and getting in touch with my friends to say thank you, and to show/tell them how much they (the friends, not the parcels) meant to me. That’s the special thing about glitterbombs (even if there’s no *actual* glitter) – the entire point is about deepening and strengthening friendships, and having a tangible impact on someone’s life. It matters, because friendships here ARE real, and they do count. I guarantee it. Love, however it happens, counts.

Love however it happens

In other news: Sarah sang to me; beautiful, heartbreaking country songs, over WhatsApp. I had a gorgeous journey back from a clinic (so beautiful I had to poem it, because taking photos while you drive is frowned upon illegal here). I got to attend a games night for a friend’s birthday, which was wonderful fun, and we laughed til we snorted, and indulged in huge, defiant-in-the-face-of-life amounts of hilarity. I also finished off my final unit of the diploma I’ve been studying for, for work, and it went into the post on Friday and should soon be marked and I will be DONE with it, which is awesome. I did some fun, fun flirting, and had some long, wonderful conversations with a variety of people (one of whom DID get the bikini shot hehe). I was given some very generous advice about the best way to try to minimise scars by another customer at the shop I was in (when the assistant I asked really seemed a bit clueless). I managed to entice Michelle Terry to write for Sisterwives, and I SPOKE her introduction. And I’m pretty sure that’s more than ten, and currently the most you’re going to get.

Except no – because Vince’s kids will be here for the weekend and I adore them to absolute pieces and I’m going to SEE THEM! And hug them. And chat with them. And love them like the almost-not-quite-auntie they let me be *delighted*.

And also, in case anyone missed it – LESS THAN A MONTH TIL MURICAAAAAAAA!!!!

 

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70 thoughts on “Ten Things of Thankful 113 #10Thankful

  1. Pingback: Ten Things of Thankful 113 #10Thankful | ladyleemanilasphotos

  2. So excited for your trip, Lizzi. It’s so good to see someone finding the silver lining. Mathair and I are horrible pessimists so we visit your ten things of thankful posts to remind us that there’s always something to be thankful for and to stop being so grumpy all the time. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! In that case, my dear, I challenge you to come up with five things each, for next weekend, and join in. The more you think about them, the more you find them – I promise 🙂 You can be thankful for each other, and for your house, and your writing, and for thankful posts which inspire you, and that’s five already!

      Like

  3. Love seeing the light through the darkness and you have a lot of things to be thankful for. I’m assuming ‘Murica is America… I really need to catch up. I took a good portion of this summer off so that I could give my attention to my kiddos. Love ya!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks April. And yes – Murica is America (I’ve been told that’s how you say it) and I’m SO SO SO VERY EXCITED!

      Sounds like you had really good priorities 🙂 Welcome back 😀

      Like

  4. It is awesome how you are trying to help Jenny and I love your shoutout to Kimmie. I adore her so much! It is so fun that you are coming to America and meeting up with friends, I’ve thought many times that I’d love to do that too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kimmie is a delight, isn’t she? She’s one of life’s good people, and I rather adore her 🙂 Jenny became part of my Village the second I saw her rapture at the scent of a fresh apple, on the day we met. It matters so much to me to help her.

      And DO IT! If you can – just DO IT 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  5. As far as the bikini goes, wear what makes you feel good. I can’t wait for the one month’s congregation of blogging soul sisters (and maybe a brother) in Ocean City. Glad you health is mending, you’ll be back to boxing soon. I’ll be by to read your links a little later. The fact that the darkness came and you didn’t beat yourself up,you felt it and let it have it’s way with you and then you recovered is a growth and a strength. Have a good week.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes. No beating up was FAR better than my usual pattern. And I’M SO EXCITED FOR THE MEET-UP! It’s going to be utterly incredible. Wow. Even thinking about it is making me feel like there are bubbles of joy rising inside my chest…

      YAY!

      Val. This is me we’re talking about. NO swimwear will make me feel good. Being covered up will make me feel safer.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. you know there’s a practical side to the bikini and air travel…. (no! wait! hear me out! ) it’s the darn security checkpoints, yo know empty your pockets and put all foreign objects in the tray (you’re way ahead me now)… I just thought, given the weather shouldn’t be too cold, you might consider “…voler dans un deux pieces”

    weight loss?? come join us at the Gravity Challenge!! it’s fun and effective…. ask anyone!*

    *provided ‘anyone’ is defined as: Christine or Kristi or Lisa or Val or Joy… lol

    Like

    • Yeah I know I know but I’m SO rubbish at commitment to doing it every day and I absolutely point blank refuse to publish my weight, added to which we don’t have scales?

      Are three excuses enough?

      Like

      • I wasn’t suggesting you wear it to work everyday, just the airport… oh, wait, you’re talking about the Gravity Challenge! lol
        (We have Kristi to thank for a very key modification of the original idea of the Challenge, she’s the one who said, ‘hey clark, is this is all about change and not a set point, then two digits on either side of the decimal point is enough, ya know?’ and so that’s why you see different readouts, Kristi’s Rule)

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Ten Things of Thankful 113 #10Thankful | The Te...

    • It’s less than 100ml, and I guess I could always find a tiny travel bottle and decant some…they’d better not keep it! Everything’s going to be in hand luggage – do you think it will be okay?

      Like

  8. Bikini. Bikini. Bikini. Bikini. Bikini. Bikini.
    🙂
    I love the scent of a favourite perfume. Nothing else makes me feel so good about myself as that. Certainly not any bikini I’ve ever worn.
    🙂
    It feels great as well to have things like vacations to have to look forward to. Gives something to work toward, even if it can seem like it takes forever to arrive sometimes. It always does.

    Liked by 1 person

    • HAHAHA! See? Word just lost all meaning again. LOL.
      I’ve only ever had perfumes I’ve been given before, and I can’t remember precisely when the idea crystallised, but I decided that I wanted one *I* chose, so I went out to this department store and wandered around for a bit, smelling the different ones, and this one INSTANTLY grabbed me, and I sprayed it on and then spent the rest of the day sniffing my arms where I’d sprayed it. So I knew it was ‘The One’.

      YES to having things to look forward to. I need to schedule things to look forward to for when I get back, otherwise I’m gonna feel really bleak about it :/

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I love that you care so much about Jenny and Gabriel. I love that you bought the perfume, that you’re moving forward, that you are coming to freaking America!!! I am ashamed to say that I’m missing SO many good posts by so many good people…I just can’t read much right now because the days are so full. I actually owe you a package – seriously. And I feel terrible that I haven’t sent it or any of the other things I’ve meant to do or send lately…life, you know? Lots brewing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I PLAN TO RETURNNNNN! I must! I have so many people on the west coast who also want to see me, and who I would LOVE to see… *sigh* If only I had the funds to take an entire year off and see EVERYONE!

      I think the best thing to do will be to keep an eye on my Instagram, cos I won’t have time to write while I’m there, but I shall hope that each person writes ABOUT me (gosh that sounds arrogant!) once they’ve seen me 🙂

      Like

  10. Hello, love. I am going to bed–big weekend ahead with all sorts of in laws in town for FIL’s headstone unveiling (Jewish tradition to do one year after death). I got my post in tonight after ages gone. Thanks for not berating me about that.

    Liked by 2 people

    • My sweet, this is a no-obligation hop, even for us lot (peers around and tries to remember the last time Kristi was in the TToT (the weeniebutt… 🙂 )) so I hope you sleep/slept well. and that your big weekend goes well. And THANK YOU for your beautiful songs and explanations and the lovely way you involved me in your roadtrip 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. AW!!! I just LOVE all your amazing thankfuls, Lizzi!!! Good for YOU for not having a meltdown at work and rising through it all!! And I just love how incredibly active you are in so many lives through your abundant amount of writing!! You are ON FIRE GIRL!!!

    ONE MONTH!!! ONE MONTH!!!!

    Pace yourself. Take good GOOD care of yourself. Okay? I just am so so happy you are handling the exercise/eating thing well, honey. And that perfume? MARVELOUS. ❤

    SO much good in this post…. so much. SO much good you are GIVING and GETTING. That makes my heart SING!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Not sure I rose above it so much as had an actual, rational thought which allowed me to see that the bad days weren’t happening AT me – they were just happening. lol. I’ll take it though – YEEEAAAAAAAH I rocked those days! Hahah.

      ONE MONTH! I can hardly believe it’s so soon. Is it ridiculous that NOW I’m looking at the calendar and thinking “well in one month’s time, I will have seen X and won’t maybe see them again” – I think there’s going to be a lot of heartbreak on the flipside of this trip.

      I’m trying to handle the eating thing well. I guess I’m not letting it bully me, so that counts. And the perfume is utterly delicious, so YAY!

      *grabs you for a MASSIVE hug just because* 😀

      Like

  12. One month! I can only imagine how excited you must be. I know I am.
    I’m so glad you’re feeling better and continuing to take care of yourself. Keep it up! I haven’t gotten to read Michelle’s post on SW yet but I love her and am sure it’s wondrous. Kudos to you for getting her to do it.
    I’m so proud of you for helping Jenny. I’ve already told you that I think it’s wonderful she has you at bat for her. I’m sure she’s very grateful.
    Have a wonderful weekend with those kiddos!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michelle’s post is going up NEXT week – I just intro’d her tonight and OHMIGOSH it’s a great one 🙂 I’m so looking forward to sharing it.

      ONE MONTH BABY! WHOOOOOOT! I can’t wait. I’m gonna say that all the way til I arrive.

      And thanks – I’m not doing anything special for Jenny, *I* don’t think – it just seems obvious to me to try to help. I dunno. Maybe I’m just an oddball 🙂

      Hope you have a great weekend too ❤

      Like

  13. If we never had troughs, we wouldn’t notice the the peaks.
    I think you are a wonderful person for what you’re doing for Jenny.
    ONE. FREAKING, MONTH!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s true enough about troughs and peaks. I think my peaks are pretty damn excellent though, when I think of the people I’d put up there 🙂

      And fanx. I just want it to be okay for her and Gabriel…

      And YES ONE MONTH ONE MONTH ONE MONNNNNNTH!

      Liked by 1 person

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