Ten Things of Thankful 109 #10Thankful

Well…it’s another week where I’m going to probably be utterly rubbish, as I have been the last few, at coming round to see everyone. I give you fair warning, so you can decide whether or not you want to bother reading further πŸ™‚

For me, once again, it’s a week of knowing beyond shadow of a doubt that there are many, many things I am thankful for…and I guess the beauty of this hop is that I can celebrate the things which have made my week better, without having to actually *feel* them. Which would be a welcome relief, as I’ve been feeling TOO much and would dearly love something to numb my brain a bit.

No. Scratch that. Too much hurt happening here to be able to write, and in the interests of being real for #BeReal or just because I always tend to mostly be here, and I always expect you to read, utterly fascinated by the internal workings of my mind, I’ll tell you that I’m feeling apt to dissolve into a puddle of tears in spite of the large number of people who have been trying to boost me along…just because in many many ways it’s been a day of utter agony, in all manner of ways.

I think I need to borrow Beth’s outlook and realise that all of the pain and hurt (self-inflicted or not) is here to teach us a lesson (or it can be, if we choose to learn from it) and that even the crap can be redeemed if I frame it right.

Lesson 1: Self-nurture matters
In order to carry on, I got up off my ass and set off across the flat, gathering things to me – I’m wearing a bracelet from Sandy, necklaces from Mandi and Michelle, and a neck-scarf from Beth. I felt surrounded and protected by the love of my friends, and as I remembered and cherished each friendship as I donned the bling armour, I realised that my low mood was beginning to lift on the wings of their friendships.

Lesson 2: A problem shared is a problem halved
Or, rather, it’s not technically halved and nothing diminishes, but it IS useful to have some outside perspective and a clear head to look at a challenging aspect of life, especially when the person is someone you trust not to feed you any BS, and who cares enough about you to want things to be better for you. Thank you so so much, to my Best Trooper Friend For Fucking Life (BTFFFL), and my dear LA-Boy, both of whom had shoulders to cry on, ears to listen, and sound advice to feed back.

Lesson 3: Loss is love
That I miss my online friends when they’re away for summer, and my world just keeps ticking over how it always does. I guess means that they’re so firmly inside my heart that their absence leaves echoes, and I miss them. I’m not one to wish away good weather, but if it came down to people or sunshine, I’d take people every day! I like that they’re busy having fun, but I miss them. I try to cheer their day with summery songs, if I think they’d like them.

Lesson 5: Snail Mail Matters
I’ve been atrociously lax at organising glitterbombs lately. I don’t know whether to blame my low moods, or distraction, or sheer laziness, but they haven’t been done, and when I think how vital it was to me tonight, to be able to hold actual pieces of paper written full of words of love, by people who care about me…I feel the pinch of conscience, and also overwhelming floods of gratitude that my lovely friends would take time to send me written treasures I can store in a box within arm’s length of my end of the sofa, so that I can just get a ‘hit’ every now and again.

Lesson 6: Snail Mail Matters (ii)

Snail Mail MATTERSLesson 6: Honesty helps
I cannot, cannot, cannot rate highly enough the treasure which is having friends with whom one can be absolutely honest and know that they will be, in return. Get close to people. People matter, and when they become friends, they matter more. And sometimes when you speak with them every day, they might decide that you somehow belong to them a little, and that your future and theirs will be somehow confluent. Samara has been my rock this week, keeping herself in the light and dragging me there with her as often as possible, and it’s helped so very much. Sunset is ever my friend, encourager, confidante, day-brightener, and my 1000mile heart. And Beth is on holiday but will return soon, and in the meantime there’s instagram.

Lesson 7: Say “Thank you”
I had a rather lovely moment earlier in theΒ  week when a patient looked at me as I was halfway through her appointment, and remarked “You look very young to be doing this job…” She totally made my day, and I couldn’t help but squee a tiny bit out loud as I told her that I’m in my 30’s. I think it’s because I have goofy hair and teenage skin, but it was a gorgeous, utterly candid compliment, and I made sure I said thank you, very nicely *still glowing a bit*

Lesson 8: Crowdsourcing isn’t always a good idea
I goofed and asked in entirely the wrong way, for some constructive feedback about ways I could be a better person. I ended up with a variety of opinions, statements, pre-discussed suggestions and it all devolved quite badly, because as was pointed out to me – the people who are in a position to offer constructive feedback are unlikely to do so candidly in a public arena – and from there, the entire endeavour spiralled downhill and two people I love got hurt. I went through the phases of assuming blame and feeling terrible for creating the situation in the first place, and after much self-flagellation and reassurance and discussion and tears and wavering…I’ve decided not to do it again. It’s dumb. I’m passing the lesson onwards to you, and if you’re NOT like me, you might heed. (Otherwise, go forth and make your own mistakes)

Lesson 9: Bandwagons can be worth jumping on
I know that the Semicolon Project is a bandwagon, but it was one I had long considered jumping on. And after an absolutely abyssal day on Friday, I decided that rather than go and do anything silly, I would take a leaf out of Lindsay’s book and get a tattoo instead. The semicolon is a personal favourite of mine as a punctuation mark, as well as the meaning it holds in terms of solidarity and choosing to continue with life’s story at a point when it might have been a consideration to end it.

SemicolonProject TattooLesson 10: Accept it – Kismet happens and sometimes things just ARE meant to be…
About two hours after I shared a pic of my new tattoo, my Darling American shared that she was about to get tatted. Lo and behold – what had she ever had done, but A SEMICOLON TAT! And it’s beautiful. She hadn’t seen mine – she just had it planned, and mine was pure serendipity, but I still rather love that she and I had these meaningful-to-us inks on the very same day, within hours of one another, across half the world. That helped.

 

New banner, yo. I did it.

Onwards.

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73 thoughts on “Ten Things of Thankful 109 #10Thankful

  1. I love your tattoo, and I’ve been a supporter of the semicolon project for a while. I wrote an entire book about mental illness and its stigma, as you know, so this hits my heart in a good way. I’m proud of you. I’m giving you terrible comment because I”m also chatting with you on whatssap and I can’t multitask very well with words…apparently.

    Maybe if Paige comes back, she gets a tattoo…hmmmm.

    Liked by 1 person

    • *heartsqueeze* don’t even START me on what you did to Paige, missy! I’m still hungover about that. :p

      I’m so glad to get your ‘terrible’ comment here, which is so much more lovely for the chat we’ve had around it, and how much I’ve missed you this summer. SO glad I persuaded you into WhatsApp πŸ™‚

      And thanks. It’s an important tattoo, and a FAR more important project. And yet in spite of DS, I somehow didn’t think it would be on your radar! Ha! Oops.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The new banner is absolutely lovely!! πŸ™‚

    Lovely list Lizzi. I’ve missed TTOT. I need to get back on track..

    I owe you a letter dont I 😦

    Dad’s been unwell and a hell lot has been goin on and I guess I just got too hooked up to do the stuff that matter despite having a wonderful, patient friend remind me about it regularly…

    Hang in there Lizzi. Life goes on. No matter what.

    Stay strong. You are stronger than you know.

    Trust me on that πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am definitely absent a lot this summer and it BOTHERS me. I mean, I’m so glad to be with Zilla and the Hub doing grand things and not-so-grand things, but I do miss the blog people I love and I feel so very out of touch. No likey.
    I’ve been bad at getting around to the TToTs…I finally get finished around mid-week and then DAMN it’s time again. And very little else gets written in between, but…I’m just choosing to go with it. I’m working on other things and I hope it will be all exciting to share in the end.Life happens.
    I liked the song. Happy sounding.
    I now have What’s App? but have NO IDEA what to do with it. I think you are a user of that, so you’ll have to school me in yet another social media outlet. πŸ˜€
    Miss you bunches! XO

    Liked by 1 person

    • YES LISA ON WHATSAPP! I’ll send you my number on fb and you have to send me yours and we get to TALK THERE TOOOO! *squeeeeee* πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

      Sorry. Excited about that.

      Your priorities are good, but yes – more isolating than you’ve been used to, and it’s hard to ride that dip in interaction when you’re quite comfy being a usual part of the Sphere. I miss you too, but glad you’re getting to the TToT. I need to make it round to the rest of those.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love the new banner and I’m happy to be using it on my blog. It’s the one I voted for too. πŸ˜‰ Sometimes those sucky weeks show us so much about ourselves even though going through it just feels harsh and like a double edged sword. I love your gift armor that you were able to reach for and help sustain your heart and mind when you were hurting. I always learn so much from reading your writing. No matter what you rise above everything that threatens to drag you down. Very inspiring indeed dear Lizzi. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • So far, so good, right? I’m still here, still breathing, and very much aware of how lucky I am that I have people who love me so much. Truly.

      I think the sucky weeks show I’m not that great, but perhaps getting through them shows I’m at least on the right track.

      It’s a lovely banner – such a beautiful idea πŸ™‚ I can imagine the thankfuls flying off a quill pen and up towards the sunshine.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes that’s a beautiful description of the banner. Sucky weeks happen to empower us I’m sure of it! I have had sucky years to attest for my theory, and lots of notebooks full of my grieving heartbroken thoughts. You are very loved and that right there is a testament to how much love you give out. What a wonderful gift to have and cherish. πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈ

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ohhh I have the same – reams of bad poetry. Hehehe. Ah well – it helps us through, right? That’s what we need in the moment – that release and somewhere to concentrate and organise our thoughts.

          I’m sorry you had such sucky years but I’m glad you’re through them.

          I hope love generates love – I think it does most times, and it is my delight to contribute to an upward spiral of more and more love in the world. Cos in the end, Love wins ❀

          Liked by 1 person

  5. I honestly doubt you have any fair-weather blogging friends. Of course we’ll read your post, regardless of whether or not you have time or inclination to read ours!
    What a wonderful compliment that patient gave you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I just felt like such a skeez for doing that the last couple of weekends – I hate being a taker rather than a giver, too, but I just haven’t had the capacity.

      And yes! WOW! I was blown away πŸ™‚ I’m cherishing that one.

      Like

  6. That’s a lot of lessons, Honeybee. It takes people lifetimes to learn just a few of those! I like that attitude of leaning from our experiences and believing that there is a reason for what we go through. I went to a memorial service for a friend today and it was absolutely beautiful and life-altering. The message I took was to live in the moment, appreciate your surroundings and #BeReal! You are doing all the right things, Honeybee. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ xxoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so sorry you lost your friend, but I’m glad the memorial service was so beautiful – that helps a tiny tiny bit with the grief.

      I’m determined to get this ‘life’ thing more and more sorted as time goes on, and I think learning from people who are wiser than me is a fairly obvious thing to try.

      That said, identifying the lessons and actually LEARNING them may be two different things. I expect to not get it all right, all of the time, but perhaps that’s a lesson in itself.

      I love the message you took away from the memorial. A really important one. Thanks for leaving it here πŸ™‚ *HUGE hugs*

      Like

  7. semi colons!! (in the first year or so of the Doctrine, I would make a point of using at least one semi colon for every paragraph (or 500 words, which ever came first). They are …. the tuxedo of punctuation; on to other matters, my dear Ms Rogers…. (segueissimo!)
    I am glad I know you and can follow you adventures through the medium of this here blogosphere here… I benefit from both your ups and your downs simply because I identify with you.
    thank you;

    Liked by 1 person

    • They are rather delicious, just as a punctuation mark!

      I thought of you yesterday when I ended up having a looong and involved conversation with Jenny about astrology and personalities, and I wished I had a book copy of The Wakefield Doctrine to show her – yaknow – that ol personality theory which doesn’t rely on the far-off movements of the planets to determine our character.

      THAT SAID, sir – how DO you account for lunacy?

      Like

  8. I ran into my tattoo artist from way back when a week ago while out and about in town with my gang of kids. We talked for a while, caught up on each other’s lives, and once he’s settled into his new shop, I’ll definitely have to pay him a visit to have kiddos two and three (a violet and the Calvin cycle) added to my tattoo of a lily flower that I got when I was 19 years old. And I’ve been thinking about other things too; thought about getting a semi-colon, but not quite sure on how to do it right for me. Hugs to you, Lizzi, and much strength getting to the other side of this hole. Shoot me an email if you want

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks – getting through it well. Gonna be a tough week but I’m prepared for that.

      So glad you found your old tat artist! I’ve never built up a relationship with one, as a result of only having had the few tats, but I might go back to this guy – he was nice and professional and I was happy with what he did, even if it was only small.

      I like that you have your children as tattoos. That’s lovely πŸ™‚ ❀

      Like

  9. First, I just have to say that I love the new banner! LOVE it!! I hope that this comment finds you in better space today. In all sincerity, I think every lesson listed above is a positive one. Life keeps moving and we move with it. If we’re very lucky, we learn a lesson or two (or ten) and we are better for it. I feel like I make a mistake, overstep a boundary, don’t do enough….every single day. It’s what I take away from it that matters.

    I love my tattoo. And yours. And all the #semicolonproject tats I’ve seen since. It’s a wonderful thing, a beautiful reminder that life goes on and the demons don’t always get to win. It was a lesson I know all too well this past week and weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know. And I’m so sad you had that lesson but I love your tattoo and that we got ours the same day for the same reason – we are determined to continue and see what the future has to hold.

      The new banner is lovely and I’m so glad we held the contest and that there was (eventually) such a great response.

      And yes. I’m in a far far better place today thanks, my DA.

      Like

    • It really truly did! I think I’ll treasure that moment for a whole yet. Though to be fair I’m 80% sure it’s due to goofy hair and teenage zitty skin, I don’t even care πŸ˜‰

      Like

  10. Pingback: * Ten Things of Thankful | Teachezwell Blog

  11. Love the new banner, love the tat, love you miss Lizzi! Summer has me blog-slacking but I Instagram πŸ™‚ yeah, I know. Lame!
    Hope to be back in the swing soon. Or at least have Skype cake or something.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like the Instagram. It was good to chat. And I love you too, Joy-to-my-world πŸ™‚

      Get back in the swing when you’re good and ready – there’s never any rush nor obligation.

      Skype cake sounds great πŸ™‚

      Like

    • Honesty matters. Truly. I’ve learned that, and slowly it’s begun to make sense to me. There is no point trying to hide, because the truth will out in the end.

      And the cloaking. That was necessary, and wonderfully effective, thank goodness.

      Like

  12. ((((hugs))))) Lizzi. It is so much harder to forgive ourselves for our faux pas than our friends. I LOVE the semi-colon, in the context or mental disharmony, and in the text of writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Pingback: Ten Things of Thankful 109 #10Thankful | The T...

    • There were many reasons which made it tough – some I could identify, others were just…*shrugs*…anyway. I’m increasingly on the UP, and getting back to okay πŸ™‚ Thanks for the hugs though, and YES there were some beautiful gems πŸ™‚

      Like

  14. Pingback: Ten Things of Thankful 109 #10Thankful | ladyleemanilasphotos

  15. Reading this makes my heart hurt… I feel I am one of those ‘busy’ ones as summer often leads me away from my computer longer than I’d like. When I read posts like this, I imagine so many things that could be going on in your life and I wonder what happened this week? I saw your post on FB and wondered why you would offer that invitation, but assumed you were on a mission I was unaware of. I feel so disconnected- and I do hate that so much.

    I never heard of the semi-colon. It sounds both interesting and beautiful. ❀

    I'm so glad those precious friends were there for you, Lizzi.

    You are always in my heart and on my mind. I hope you know that. Praying your sadness ends…

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are, but I always know it’s for a good reason and a better priority, yaknow? So I try not to gripe too much. Y’all’s families have to be #1 and it makes me happy that so many of my friends DO prioritise spending time with their children. That matters πŸ™‚

      The post this week was cos there have been a few times lately where my behaviour has caused upset or offense, and I just wanted to see whether anyone had pointers they could offer so that I would be aware of what things I do that piss people off. It backfired badly. Lesson learned.

      ME SO VERY TOO glad they were there. What I should have done is have a cup of tea in my Kitty mug. I still use it nearly every day, and think of you and smile for our friendship ❀

      Thank you for your prayers. It's lovely to know you think of me. I miss you but I'll get you back in Autumn, ready for snowball fights in winter, and FOR REAL IN SEPTEMBER!

      Like

  16. Unfortunately, you and I don’t talk as often as we used to. My circumstances have changed and I simply don’t have the free time I used to. However, you still have a special place in my heart (which I won’t charge you rent for πŸ˜‰ ).

    I know you’re feeling down this week and you’re upset with yourself for some things you did. I’ve worn that particular pair of shoes more times than I care to admit. You know what, though? You can’t have a rainbow without the preceding storm. Weather the storm, dear, and life will be beautiful once more.

    Liked by 1 person

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