In Which I Realise Something SHOCKING About Murica

There has been the odd occasion in life where I haven’t displayed the best powers of observation or Thinking Things Through, in fact, amongst those nearest and dearest to me, the stories of my ‘lack of grasp of matters’ are rife*.

A thought occurred to me the other day, as I was mulling over my forthcoming (VERY EXCITING OMIGOSH *squeeeeeee*) trip to Murica to see some of the people to whose hearts mine has become hardwired over the years of our acquaintance, and it pulled me up full short and threw me into an absolute panic.

You will not BELIEEEVE

In fact, it was such a panic I nearly called the whole thing off!

Only for a milisecond, though, because then I realised that I love my people, and they (for their own reasons entirely) seem to think I’m worth their time, and so I AM GOING, forsure and for definite…


The UNBELIEVABLY obvious thing I completely somehow missed, which shocked me to my very core:

My people don’t exist in a vacuum. They will have families there. Friends. Neighbours. Daily lives which carry on without the isolating-bubble of social media, where my egocentric mind sees them outside the context of their Real Life.

But that Real Life is what – or rather, WHO – I’m going to be inserting myself into, like a giant, English pass-the-parcel (a suggestion which incited one friend to remark along the lines of ‘If each person you stay with gets to unwrap a layer, at what point will you end up naked?’).

For almost every person I’m going to visit, there will be one or more fully cognisant, critically-thinking humans, who haven’t even met ‘online me’, and who (presumably) are still willing to allow me to come and gatecrash their lives…which is WONDERFUL and so kind of them, but it’s only in the last few days I’ve really thought about the implications of this.

I won’t have the years of history to fall back on. I won’t be able to sprinkle them with glitter (real or virtual) and have them automatically understand that this is A Good Thing. I won’t know any stories we share, or any of what makes them tick, or what makes their soul soar, or what delights their heart. Or what pisses them the hell off.

I will be staying in a house which is as much theirs as it is the domain of my Good Friend Who I Adore.

And I will be a stranger to them.

A peculiar, eccentric, adorkable, but definitely quirky, English stranger.

In. Their. House.

I know – how did I not see THAT coming.

(I’m amazing, right? Veryveryvery skilled at avoiding acknowledgement of the extremelybloodyobvious)

So…I have a plan. And the plan is MAN!

Specifically, VINCE (you know him, right?)

My best friend of 16 years, new flatmate, humour blogger, and all-round awesome dude, who is absolutely familiar with ALL the behind-the-scenes snippets you could ever wish to know about me.

The mask is coming off – YOU get to interview him (respond with your questions in the comments for his upcoming guest post) and uncover the details of what I’m like In Real…because if you’re serious about meeting me, forewarned is forearmed, lovelies.

*deep breaths*


I’ll just be here, panicking, hoping you still want me to visit after you hear the TRUTH!


*Like the time I stood on a twig and saw fit to remark upon it, because (apparently) it surprised me. Or the time I got SO excited about Vince being able to reverse in a car that I squeeeed out loud (even though he’d passed his test and was by then a fairly competent new driver). Or the entire five years of my marriage. Or any of the times I couldn’t even…


156 thoughts on “In Which I Realise Something SHOCKING About Murica

  1. I’m very jealous of all the lucky ducks on your itinerary so next time you MUST come to California! Everyone is dairy-free and/or meat-free and/or pick-whatever-you-want-to-be-free-of free. And please bring glitter πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, I wish you were coming this far west. You can stay at my house whenever you want. I have a guest room that is fairly comfortable. I have no man to contend with anymore or β€œask permission” of. My daughter would love you, as she loves all things British. My son would nod at you and disappear into his room – but that is what he does with us, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. One Hundred and thirty eighth!

    I can’t possibly scroll through all these questions to see what’s been asked- I started to and it was just overwhelming!

    The good news is, with me you only get me and LD who you already know. No surprises here!

    I’ll drink some coffee and try to come up with a question. When is Vince posting?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Next Monday he’s going to guest here, so he has the weekend to get his answers sorted (and not throw me under too many buses!).

      Just ask what you want to know. It doesn’t matter if it’s been asked already. V will answer anyway πŸ˜€

      And YES – you are going to be my point of relief – you and LD and no more, and the most perfect beginning and ending I can think of πŸ™‚


  4. I was sure you were going to write something about being afraid of being shot.

    Just to put you at ease, I’ve lived in the US almost 44 years and have yet to actually be hit by any bullets. (And I’ve lived in New York City, across the street from housing projects in Boston and even The American South. So, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to be shot.)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I got Lizzi GOOD the other day. She asked me, in her sweetest, breathiest, eye-fluttery-est way, “Maaaann…will you unscrew this saucepan lid and get the water out of it, please?” So I picked up the screwdriver that I’d left on the kitchen counter TWO WEEKS AGO and had been sitting there in plain sight ever since and set to work, to a screech of “OMG! How did you get hold of a screwdriver SO QUICKLY?! You didn’t open any drawers or go to your tool box or ANYTHING!!!”

    I let her be amazed at my mystical tool powers (fnarfnar) for a good twenty minutes before giving her the very boring, real explanation.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. OHMAHGAWD. Where do I start?
    1. what is her favorite adult beverage?
    2. what must I have in my house to make her happy and comfortable?
    3. Is this where I’m supposed to put my questions
    4. there’s more. I know I have more questions. I’ll come back.
    5. shaddup

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You have nothing to worry about…I live with two teenagers, so I am prepared for anything! And frankly, with school, sports, work, and homework, you may not even see the rest of my family!

    My question: Does Lizzi take long showers? Does she sing while she’s in there? Just wanna be prepared.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. From the moment you come into my house, you will quickly learn that you absolutely belong to our family. You will immediately realize that you know so much more about our family, my kids, our goings on- than you actually anticipated. You will melt into the comfort of our loving arms, and we will eagerly embrace every single new thing we haven’t had the chance to learn about you…

    That’s how it’s gonna go.

    Vince- what are the most important things I can do for Lizzi to make her stay most comfortable? What kind of tea should I get? I’m a coffee girl- and I need tea assistance!!

    ****Tell me what she really needs to feel at home. Okay? THANKS!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Awwwwh Kitty I can’t wait to meet you all – I already feel like I know Cass and Cade a little bit, and though I don’t know Derek yet, he’s seen the fun you and I have sending parcels and videos, and I think your family is one of the ones I feel most as though are going to be okay with me exploding into their midst. I absolutely cannot wait to meet you all, and spend time with you talking for hours and hours and hours in Real, and I’m SO GLAD you think it will go well πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ ❀


  9. Pingback: SPECIAL BLOG ANNOUNCEMENT! Also, me snarking at my own dating history. | Becoming Vincent

  10. I’m stressing about the live chat on Saturday, so . . . . . And hey, I know you are coming to NJ. Jen and I would love to drive to meet you, even at a pit stop on the Turnpike or Parkway or something, just for a hello and a hug. Think about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think that would be fabulous. I’ll have to have a chat with my NJ person and see what can be done. It would be amazing to see you both In Real πŸ™‚ Live chat is this saturday? I keep asking Clark and he tells me it’s Tuesday my time, but I’m busy all day saturday til halfway through the avo, and I don’t want to miss it, but I GENUINELY DO NOT KNOW WHEN IT IS!


      • I believe the live chat is at 10 or 10:30 on Saturday morning EST. I’ve never done it so I don’t know how but I am willing to learn if I get some info on it

        Liked by 1 person

  11. YES! The ‘stepped on a twig’ got in there! Hehe! Also, the time we were about to cross a busy road. The green man had just started beeping. My dearest lizzi remarks “quick! We’ll miss the boat!” xx

    Liked by 2 people

        • That sounds amazing. And I’ve always wanted to go to Kashmir (I know that’s bound to be AAAAAGES away from you) but I’ve read about it and heard that it’s like Shangri La. And I kind of wanted to see what the houses were like up in the mountains. And monsoon. And holi….

          What about Mumbai? Is it Mumbai which has all the Lutyens architecture? I want to take a picnic in one of the parks.

          I may have read too much and now have a HUGELY romanticised version of India in my head…


  12. Do you like your toilet paper to roll over, or under?

    Do you turn the bathroom exhaust fan on when necessary?

    Do you wash your hair with shampoo or bar soap?

    Do you sleep walk and eat?

    Will you require a lot of snacks in the house?

    What side of the bed do you wake up on?

    Liked by 1 person

    • YES! I feel as though I know their hearts and souls, and in many cases, their voice and their humour and their laugh…but I don’t yet know how they move or what their eyes look like when they reflect the sky, or what they do with their hands when they’re telling an anecdote…

      I can’t WAIT to find out and fill in all the gaps πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

      Liked by 3 people

  13. Oh! What is your favorite adult beverage? Do you run hot or cold? Does it disgust you to sleep in my very clean birthing bed?
    I am somewhat curious about the twig story and why driving in reverse was worth a squee.
    Does she need to be spooned to sleep at night? What music does she like to listen to on car trips? Is she scared to drive with, not aggressive, but motivated, drivers?

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Immona pull out all my Southern lady charm and simply ask what I can provide to make her stay more comfortable. Brian will pretty much leave us alone, but the kids will be all up in our business. Don’t need to ask if you’re good with kids. Maggie wants to know if you’ll read her a book.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhhhhh but you see (and this is something I’ve come across lots – the ‘what are you going to see/do?’ query) I’m coming to see my PEOPLE, and I think they’re some of the most wonderful people in the world, so I shall be perfectly happy.

      πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Hehehe I plan to FLOOD Instagram though. DEFFO loads of pics.


  15. I’m more worried about how you will handle my husband when you meet him. He, unlike his wife, is an extreme extro and loves to be a shit. In a good way of course. I think. Nikki will probably just try to steal you.

    Do you like dogs? Like, a big 85 pound dog that thinks she’s a person?

    Liked by 2 people

    • You’re asking the girl who acts like part Golden Retriever most of the time if she likes dogs? πŸ˜‰

      Also…Sandy…*I’M* a huge extro. And I LOVE pranking people. And being kidnapped (though Nikki might have to fight Hasty for me (apparently ms H has a plan, even!)). I hope we’ll get on fine πŸ™‚


  16. You will be loved by all! I have NO doubt!
    We already spoke and I know that your travels won’t bring you to KS, but maybe you can wear red heels–with one click, you’ll be on my front doorstep in no time!
    Hmmm….a question for Vince….I gotta think on this. I just want you to read me a nursery rhyme in that glorious voice of yours πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I think VINCE should come to Murica with you so he can answer our questions about you in person. Kind of like an interpreter or like a service/guide dog that protects you from harm if we get too close to you! He could wear the service vest and follow you around! There are plenty of weirdoes her in Murica that he can fend off! Good news, my nest is empty and I have plenty of room for you and your guide!!!! LOL.

    ps. I’m not calling VINCE a dog. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 4 people

  18. good Lord, I thought it was something REALLY important like” I thought I could walk there and never got the plane tickets! “THIS is nuthin’! NO WORRIES! ANYWAY I think the way its planned on the eastern coast you are meeting a few of us at once …. and besides I cant even think up a question … hmmmmm…. Does she have smelly feet or is she particularly gassy? Naw… Will the spiders be coming too? Naw…She doesn’t have a penchant for liverwurst right???? Naw… I gotta work on this….I’ll be back…

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Well, my family is becoming quite familiar with you. As in, “My friend Lizzi, from England…” Would they think you’re strange? Probably. Do they think I’m strange? Yep. Especially when I’m being silly with my friends. Joe handles visits from my friends like this: He’ll say Hi, maybe sit and have one drink with us. Then he disappears and leaves us to talk and laugh and be crazy and stays out of our way while taking care of the kids. I imagine a lot of the significant others will do something along the same lines… I don’t know if I have any questions for Vince… I’m gonna have to think about that one…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Fortunately I get to meet you in a different kind of isolated bubble of SisterWives, which I think will make things easier. And you and I already have our game-plan for that (even though it involves talking nineteen to the dozen and upsetting the introverts and trying to be veryverygentle with them (and probably failing)) I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET YOU ALL!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Well, since I crashed your place first, thus giving me the chance to get to know you in person before you meet my kids and husband, I have no doubt all will be grand. And, since the majority of my kids are quiet and/or teens, you won’t see or hear much from them. They tend to avoid adults and our conversations. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  21. … those who we, (those of us who are not you), share the inter-world life with do, in fact, know you…

    but I should amend that statement with a simple fact of ‘the life blogistic’… spouses and immediate family don’t necessarily share the interest in what we spend so much of our lives doing/being/living and that is a thing that we have all of us managed to reconcile ourselfs to, in our own individual ways.

    then again, think about how, if as a child, you had a favorite book or story or fictional character that your parents knew was a part of your developing imagination and one day you announced, (in a 6 year old voice at the dinner table) that ‘Peter and Wendy are going to stop by, would it be too much to invite them to dinner?’


    we’re all, kinda fictional…up to a certain point, here in the land of the internet, no?

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Well IF you were coming to stay at my house…. I do mention you in real life conversations. So it wouldn’t be a worry. However you will just have to take all my intensity because I am willing to travel to see YOU! So not much real life will be intruding. See now look what you got yourself into.

    Liked by 1 person

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