Been staring at this for about an hour, in between zapping through tabs of other things because I’m tired and can’t focus.
I can’t write right, right? So I’m gonna shorthand this, because it’s STILL a TToT weekend, even if 1000Speak is happening, and my brain is utterly full of ALL THE THINGS.
So full I’m even gonna recycle a picture, because I just cannot even…
People died this week in another senseless attack. You know this, unless the rock you live under is bigger than the one I try to stay underneath. It’s senseless bigotry gone violent and it’s never, ever okay. Bigotry is never okay. Violence is never okay. And the one, tiny silver lining I can see in this situation (and believe me I had to look hard) is how united so many people are coming, to stand up and say that they are NOT cool with this – that togetherness as HUMANITY, without the distinctions of race or gender or age or sex or any of the other silly things some people get worked up about – and that we should all be part of addressing the problems.
All of us. Together.
Right. Gonna let the brain lead the hands, cos I’m late-late for this, and also have yet to go to the store to pick up cardboard boxes for my Sis, who’s moving house soon. Ergh. NO – I’m young and strong and a midnight trip to the shops is FUN. Right? Right?
Thankful for…friends who scoop me up (figuratively) and hold me when I’m a quivering mess on the floor. When you have a particular kind of past, there are things which trigger, and sometimes they can be utterly innocuous, and the situation which sets you off bears no responsibility for the crying ball of pain, misery and self-doubt you become. Maybe for hours. So yeah, that people stuck with me through the darkness and held my hand and brought me out to the other side…that’s HUGE.
My mum, her perspective, her wisdom and understanding, her clarity of memory and her ability to help me identify the areas of my past which still impact me, and to talk me through gently whilst still acknowledging how dreadful I sometimes feel. She is the wisest person I know, and I’m truly, truly blessed to have her friendship and constant support.
Thankful that I learned how to make accidental cookie balls which aren’t cookies at all but rather like choc-chip, pecan, oat and banana breadlets. They’re yum though, and they made tonight’s movie night and our celebration earlier this week of our One Monthaversary of Flatmatiness, very tasty affairs.
Poetry. I sometimes think my heart beats in poetry, and whatever else I write or don’t, the thing which grabs me back and holds me every time, striking deep into my core and taking up residence, is poetry. The good stuff though. Like this, which just…happened (poetry often seems to happen around Hasty – she’s rapidly turned into the person who most inspires me to poetry, and I loveLOVElove her way with words, and the incredible way she weaves truths, fantasies and nightmares with rhyme, rhythm and (often) a wry humour), and is so, so beautiful (I also read it out loud, if you want to go and hear me).
Friends who have the gumption and kindness to call me out when I go off the rails. It makes me feel cared-about and genuinely important to someone to know that they are prepared to take the step of telling me they think I’m acting out in a manner which is other than I purport to prefer. I am often too willful or too distracted to notice anything beyond what I’m thinking at the time. I’m so grateful for an alternative perspective now and again, even if it’s one which makes me see the plank in my eye. Christine is one such friend, and if she’s one of yours, YOU ARE LUCKY! Hold onto her. She’s a gem.
I’m having a teeny-tiny piece published next week in a national homeless magazine called The Big Issue. It’s a professional reminder for people with diabetes to get their eyes screened. I also sent a ‘healthcare’ piece to HuffPo UK, and they want me to be a regular blogger for them, which is exciting, and a HUGE platform for things which I want seen by a different audience, so I’m VERY excited about that.
I got Mandi’s book Dear Stephanie in the post, with the sweetest note in the front. It’s going to go on my ‘signed first editions’ shelf once I’ve finished sleeping with it (I have lots of space on my bed and I like sleeping with books next to me – they all get to take turns. It’s cool – I don’t mind you knowing I’m a book hussy).
I had a GLORIOUS afternoon this week, on my phone intermittently, as Samara sent me update after update as her son (Little Dude) graduated elementary school, and was lauded and honoured, standing time after time on the podium to receive accolades for his outstanding involvement and contribution within his school community, as well as for his intelligence (he came first in the science fair with a glorious project about how colour can affect people’s moods) and his care of others (he was part of a safety club looking after other children). I got a video of him singing ‘The Best Day of My Life’ with his whole class, and him shaking hands to receive his diploma (COOL AS A CUCUMBER, that kiddo) and I got a little teary-eyed at how wonderful he is, and how utterly, completely beautiful it was to be included in such incredible, milestone moments in his life. I’m so, so thrilled to be able to call him one of ‘my’ kids, and I completely adore him, and can’t wait to meet him IN REAL in September.
Soulie made Frittatah, and wrote a recipe which made me nearly die laughing. His promise that this would be like a sleepover which never has to end, has been pretty much spot-on so far.
…and too many of my friends are sad because Bad Things are happening in their lives. If you have a friend, let them know you care – send them a quick email or something, just be in touch, ‘kay? We all need to know that we’re held in the thoughts of others, sometimes.
And YES there’s a winner for the new banner, but I haven’t gotten that far yet, so a la Clark, it will be an update later this weekend, and then I’ll get the button sorted for next week, ‘kay?