I’m living lighter, this week.
That’s not to say I’ve lost weight (I wish!) but rather my experience of life is more buoyant. Remarkably so, seeing as people have said things to that effect. It surprised me at first, and I felt very guilty because a marriage break-down is *meant* to be horrible. It is horrible, because it didn’t work and it was supposed to.
But not one person I’ve broken the news to has said that I’m doing the wrong thing. Even Husby says he can see the sense in it, and we’ve spent another week being reasonably good friends – far better than before I told him I couldn’t do this any more. So the pressure’s still off, and we’re ticking along quite nicely.
That said, I don’t feel as though my head’s in the game. Or any game.
It’s not that I’m sad or overwhelmed or in danger of being swamped by life, it’s more that…I think I feel a bit lost. Uncertain. Excited for the possibilities of the future, nonplussed by the way things are turning out, and just not sure I’m ready to take on life by myself. I think if I waited, I’d never do it. I also think I won’t BE by myself.
And here’s the first, EPIC thankful, which counts for all ten, and maybe a few more weeks-worth: I found my tribe. And I love my tribe.
It’s the people here – my ‘frequent fliers’, my companions in this weird world between the wires, and my friends. I’ve had some of those friends say they’ve noticed a change for the better in my character – that I’ve somehow developed into a better version of the ‘me’ there was before. And I can only think that the major thing which has occurred, is this gradual, slow, beautiful understanding – I belong.
There were other good things, too, but none really compared to that. Though I did write a kindasorta musical to share some of the songs I associate with some of the people in my tribe. And I adore them (the songs (and the people)) and loved sharing them.
Then I got to WRITE, because the lovely Roshni had asked me to write her a fiction piece for the Kick Cancer’s Ass campaign I had going. I *loved* writing her piece. And she LOVED sharing it on her site. And the people who read it seemed to really enjoy it, which is lovely.
And then…oh this was perhaps the most excited I got all week – I had BRAND NEW AUTHOR Mandi Castle over at A Slip of the Lit, and she was SUCH a delight to interview. And if her writing is as good as what she’s shared on her blog so far, then we are ALL in for a treat with her soon-to-be-released novel ‘Dear Stephanie’ (in the interests of fairness, in case you missed it, there is a chance for a FREE, SIGNED COPY of the book…
Ohhhh and THERE was another beautiful moment – Mandi sent me a new song (as she is wont to do, periodically, when she finds one she thinks fits me) and it’s GORGEOUS and I’ve been listening to it on a loop.
What else? What else? OH I KNOW!
20th April – 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion: Nurturing
Awesome cause; awesome topic. And I have to write for it ready for the link going live to accommodate those who get the first daybreak in the world. I HOPE that you’re going to be there, joining in with me and SO MANY OTHERS.
WISH ME LUCK. With everything. Because even though it might feel dark and empty and strange sometimes, I need to remember that sometimes even the moon gives silver linings.