Ten Things of Thankful #86

I wasn’t ready to write this, all of a sudden, because my brain had a short-but-violent meltdown of the ‘disordered thoughts’ type, and I couldn’t see beyond the rim of my own navel, for an embarrassingly long couple of hours. Friday evening was spent in a mire of misery and self-loathing and the only thankful I felt was that there are people out there who are not only willing to put up with me in that kind of mood, but who are also encouraging and kind and want me to get through it, when all I wanted to do was wallow in disgust. I’ve not done brilliantly at shaking the feelings, and I’m still a little bit wallowy as I write this, but at least the panic and anxiety about all the silly-very-small-doesn’t-matter-anyway-not-really-because-it’s-lies-and-that’s-the-problem stuff has abated and I’m just left with a greasy sense of shame slopping against the insides of my mind, like the flotsamed, foam-spackled heavings in the corner of a harbour at slack tide.

I’m gonna write my wrongs though, and I’m hoping to take you with me. I need to distract, focus on the GOOD, and do my best to entertain and engage you, because that’s what this is about – Thankfulness as a way to connect with one another and share and celebrate the good things, because they ARE THERE – and to build that community I need to not bore you to tears. So Onwards and Upwards with the Silver Linings, Good Things, and *twinklysparklyshinystuff*

Soooo it’s gonna be a week viewed through Ten Positive Emotions (wot I felt at the time (cos it’s also all about feelings (because sometimes feelings are a bit too transient or easy to forget (or sometimes in *that* moment, too elusive (given that in large part, it’s not how we FEEL but who we ARE, that counts (but being able to Feel the Good Feels (not like THAT!) is important anyway))))))

Enjoyment
Somehow, whatever way it is that these things take hold and begin to weave themselves through our beings, there is poetry in my soul. I like to read it, I sometimes like to hear it read, I like to write it, and it is sufficiently powerful a force in my life (and has been since I was smallish) that after blogging for a while, I decided that there was little which would delight my soul better than to have a blog dedicated to poetry. Thus the Well Tempered Bards was born, and my fellow bard and I have a gorgeous little arena in which to air our whims when the urge to po an ‘-em’ strikes. But we don’t do it ALL the time, so it was my pleasure to start a ‘Guest Bards’ feature, and on Friday, my lovely friend Jess Scott (a.k.a. The Lunatic Poet) was featured, with her gorgeous piece about compassion, called We Are Fire.

candle_light

Determined
I’ve seen determination in action, in SO many ways. So many stories of people who have discovered themselves amidst storms of one sort and another, and who have kept going, kept fighting, and kept on making life better for those around them, because life lived in a way which honours, supports and cares for others, even when it is challenging to do, is a life well-lived. And you know something delightful? As I thought of this, I began listing the names of people (many IRL, but also bloggers) who I’ve see do this, who I know LIVE this, and I was going to share a couple of examples with you, but in actual fact, every time I thought of someone brave or strong or courageous or facing down the odds or helping someone else…I thought of another person and another person and another person, and the list of people I’d like to tell you about just grew and grew and grew. If you’re reading this and you’re a regular to the TToT, or to #1000Speak, or to my part of the Blogosphere in general, then just know that I’m probably talking about you, in some measure, and THANK YOU for your incredibly good example, and the inspiration you provide. You’re wonderful.

Trust
Trust is vital to healthy relationships, and I’m very blessed by the fact that I have several friends and family members (and Husby) who I can trust to respond with best intentions (even if they sometimes come across awry) and that there are people who I can explain my highs and lows to, and who understand (or try to) and support me without judging, and without telling me I’m wrong/bad, but who accept my failings and my achievements with equanimity, and who I know will remain steadfast.

Playful
After a bit of a sudden culture clash, I wrote FUNNY and shared it in one of the most fitting places on the Blogosphere for slightly risque hilarity chez Beth, where the post itself was well-received, and the comments section turned rapidly into a melee of amusement and bawdiness and high spirits. It has been a delight, through the latter part of the week, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed popping back to see the developments.

Ohmigosh did that REALLY just

Fortunate
This week my knuckle swelled up into a very painful Hulk-knuckle, and stopped working properly. It hurt to move, and crunched when I flexed it. It was red and hot and beginning to be a bit of an impediment, so on my ‘office day’ lunch break, I walked the ten seconds around the corridor to the walk-in centre, was seen within 40 minutes by a triage nurse and a man who took x-rays, and then left my extension number to be called when it was my turn to be seen, so that I could resume work for the afternoon. As it happened, I wasn’t called until AFTER work, at about 4.45pm, but the receptionist at the walk-in-centre was so helpful to me, in letting me know what level of queue I was in, and letting the nurses know that I would BE there, I was just working around the corner, when they almost discharged me…and the fact that in my working day I could go and get free x-rays and medical assessment to reassure me that my knuckle is NOT broken, it just needs a rest from punching things for a bit…that is amazing, and I was acutely aware of my good fortune of living in a country where the less-than-perfect NHS is still probably the best system in the world, for those who can’t afford private healthcare.

Excitement
My Soulie, Vince, is coming to stay for a few days, as I’m off work for a holiday, and he CAN. So we’re gonna. There will be fun and hugs and long chats and lots and LOTS of Real and Important…and I’m going to as close to love every minute of it as I can. All else be hanged! It means I won’t be around on the Blogosphere as much as usual, but I’ll be popping in and out. (Apologies in advance if I miss you on the TToT – will try to catch up later in the week)

Wonder
Husby and I went out for a date and as we walked along, hand in hand, under the cold, frosty sky, we rounded a corner and THEE MOST INCREDIBLE sight met our eyes, because in the sky, nestled amongst tiny, cats-paw clouds, was an AMAZING RAINBOW MOON! We stopped and stared at it, agog, and I took several very bad pictures, which didn’t remotely do it justice, and we just watched it become brighter and more beautiful, and more aura’d in rainbows until there was almost a circular rainbow around the whole outside of it…

We Sometimes Need to Stand and Stare

Encouraged
It’s been a week of awards and of people doing Good Things, and sharing important stuff, and trying to make a difference in their own worlds and in other peoples’. I’ve also been very personally encouraged by the willingness to share personal experience and support, which I’ve received from a number of friends. It’s really helped, and I’m hugely grateful. But the idea that anyone’s got challenges which feel insurmountable, and that they feel ALONE…that sucks. So I’m thrilled that the stories at SisterWives are still going strong and making a HUGE impact for positive in the worlds of both the authors and the readers, and I’m MORE thrilled that Kerri’s mission to spread awareness of the PACS1 genetic mutation (which affects her daughter – one of only TWENTY diagnosed people in the world) is receiving support. Learn more, and KEEP SUPPORTING IT!

Compassion
Last weekend a massive wave of grief hit me, and I wrote it out of me, and after a truly awful day, felt the wonder and comfort of compassion – of people reaching out to nurture me and offer me what they could in the way of care, and it made a huge difference, both IRL and online. Thank goodness for sources of compassion and love, because they keep us going, sometimes. I was rescued, AGAIN, by my ‘village’ and ‘1000 Voices Speak for Compassion‘ has its own video promotion out, with snippets from many about compassion, what it means, and why it’s important.

Anticipation
February 20th is fast approaching, and I *think* I’ve figured out what I’m going to be writing about for The Big Day (check back here next week for the reveal). Meantime, I have a new Tale From the Van to write up, and a couple of guest posts about compassion and how important it is, and I just LOVE that I can write and people will appreciate and interact with it. That, to me, is WONDERFUL. I love it. It makes this all feel worthwhile, because it’s not just chucking words into a vacuum – it’s writing things which have impact, which hold some measure of influence, and which evoke a RESPONSE. That’s amazing, isn’t it?

What’s been amazing you, then?

 

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71 thoughts on “Ten Things of Thankful #86

  1. I’m sorry you have to “stop punching things” which made me laugh, but glad it’s not broken so that one day you can again punch to your heart’s desire. You can “Punch Like Noone’s Watching” hahaha
    I love that rainbow moon! I know all too well about a sight being breath-takingly beautiful and the pictures are so ‘meh’ it takes away from the whole thing. Glad you just stood and stared and took it in. It’s all too fleeting, those moments.
    I had other things to say but I can only think about what funny thing you wrote, so I’m off to click on that! I could use a laugh. I mean, who couldn’t?

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. Lizzi, I am constantly amazed at how you can suffer such sadness and yet rise to the top once again. I think it must be all the good stuff you have knocking around in heart and soul and the amazing people by which you’re surrounded. You are an inspiration, friend.

    With heart,
    Dani

    Liked by 1 person

  4. AW!! This was wonderful… just lovely Lizzi!! You DID IT! You moved through those painful hours and into something beautiful- soulie and walking and JOY!

    I’ve never seen a moon like that…

    AWE-SOME.

    And I love everything you shared- all of it. Won’t recount it- it’s up there- but I love so much all the stuff about the blogosphere that YOU have involved yourself with…. and it’s all Important and GOOD. Purposeful, and worthy of attention.

    Gnight, love.

    (NOW I can… ___________________________________________________________)

    Liked by 1 person

    • *shakes head* Ohhhh Kitty. What are you LIKE! *grins indulgently*

      Thanks for the line, lovey – I’ll keep it just in case.

      I’m glad you like what I shared. It was an effort, but it was THERE, and so it counts. In spite of all the everything else of life, THESE THINGS were there, and they matter.

      The moon that night was AMAZING. I’ve never seen one like it before, either.

      I had help to move through it all. Poor Beth got an earful, and Samara. But I was got out in the end 🙂

      Like

  5. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a moon rainbow, except from your photo. I always get frustrated when I see a gorgeous moon and try to take a photo. I know before I even get the camera ready that it will not do the real moon justice, but I take the photo anyway. I just don’t have the time to set the camera up properly and in the right position. I just have to appreciate it while I am in the moment.
    I’m glad you are getting some fun time in with Husby and Vince. No doubt a weekend hanging out with Vince will be fun.
    The knuckle sounds hideous. Glad you got it checked out, but more so, I’m glad that it’s not broken.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ohhhh I know, I know, I know – moon photos are THEE MOST FRUSTRATING! And there are so many beautiful ones on Pintrest and I just KNOW that mine are never going to be so good, and AUGH!

      Fun time with Husby is important and we’re trying to prioritise it. Time with Vince is wonderful.

      So far this evening’s fun consisted of Husby managing to lock the key OUT on the front balcony, and me having to scale the OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING to our first floor flat to break in. *sigh*

      I bought gel hand wraps today, for my knuckle. It WILL be okay 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, that moon! Gorgeous photo, and if that photo didn’t do it justice, I can’t imagine how amazing it must have looked in person!
    Oh, those funks! I guess we have to have them to appreciate the good times more, but when you’re in the midst of one, it’s hard to see it.
    Have fun with your soulie! Hope the weather is as beautiful there as it is here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The weather here has been cold (WAY COLD) and cloudy, like someone left the cotton candy machine running, and it all piled up across the sky, but in leaden greys instead of pinks and blues and yellows *sigh*

      Hate funks. Not good with them at all, but they seem determined to bring me down periodically, so I’m trying to roll with it and remember that in X number of days time, it won’t matter.

      The moon was in. credible.

      Like

  7. OH! that funk. I don’t like swimming out of them, but it helps to know that I must collect thankfuls to share each weekend. Also naked silliness helps.

    Loved the rainbow moon. What a fantastical magical moment in the middle of a crappy week.

    Liked by 1 person

    • *grins* Naked silliness is great fun. Even when it’s with someone in Texas…

      The rainbow moon was INCREDIBLE. I’ve never seen ANYTHING like it. I am still a bit stunned by how amazing it was.

      Like

  8. Ahhhhhhh this was worth the wait!!! Tee hee hee

    I love this perspective. I am also glad things worked out so well with your knuckle… Stress balls for a while instead of punching things huh.

    SOOOO many feels! good for you sorting them out and immersing yourself in the good ones

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love moments like yours with the moon where I walk unexpectedly smack-dab into a miracle of nature. Those moments in my life, like the time I went down to the ocean and saw a phosphorescent tide–and I wasn’t even on drugs!

    Thankfulness often pulls me out of the quagmire of self-pity and self-loathing. And remembering how many people do care about me helps too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Last week I was pretty much rescued by the knowledge that people care about me. It was powerful and I was hugely grateful for their love, even though they didn’t know at the time how much it mattered.

      Miracles of nature are INCREDIBLE to suddenly come across. And this one was particularly gorgeous. I’m envious of your phosphorescent tide though – I’ve only read of them, described by one of my favourite authors (Gerald Durrell – “…like ribbons of cold fire…”) but never seen them myself.

      Like

    • Not romantic, really. We were just both really taken with it, and how cool it was (til we got cold, cos it was a freezing night, and had to move on).

      The vid is awesome. Tamara did such a gorgeous job of it, and I LOVE hearing the voices from all over the world talking about compassion.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Sorting out emotions – what an excellent way to write a post, and give yourself a little therapy at the same time. I learn so much from you, Lizzi. I’m happy to say I was able to read every single one of the links in your post during the week. May your week be full of rainbow moons and ****^^^^^*****++++{}{}{}{}{}{}{ happy stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    • YAY! Punctuation sparkles. Thank you Val 😀

      And bless your boots for reading all the links! You rock 😀 I try not to go TOO overboard with linking other things, but there are times when it’s inescapably pertinent to do so.

      And…I needed the therapy. It helped 🙂 What this hop’s all about, right?

      Liked by 1 person

  11. You are such a shining star! I love this list of emotions. You’re just so darn clever, even when you are feeling down. I know I haven’t been around much this week, but I am hoping to get caught up on a lot of reading this weekend, especially about the PACS1 thing. I hope you and Vince have a blast this weekend, and I’m looking forward to getting back in the swing of things next week and “seeing you around” on Facebook.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I tried really hard to come up with something which felt a bit meaningful. I think these things (usually) help when I’m feeling down, and I wanted to be able to AT LEAST set some kind of good example with this hop. I feel a bit accountable about it, and I think that’s a good thing.

      Don’t worry about being around less, though I think I read that you’re feeling better about being online, which is awesome.

      The PACS1 thing is very cool, and great to be part of.

      Vince and I are having SO MUCH FUN already. I love having him around 🙂

      See you in the week, around and about the place 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. You always have great things on your thankful list. I notice a theme in most of your writings where you have a great ability to find the good things or silver linings in many things. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tamara did an amazing job on the vid. And you’re welcome for Bards. Take it as it suits you, for real. I’ve got a couple of things I want to put there soon. I hope you feel better too ❤

      Like

  13. I want to see a rainbow moon. I bet it was fabulous!

    You are always so good about writing things out and making this happen even when you just don’t feel like it. You are a shining example of grit and heart, two of my favorite things. So, at the risk of sounding like a big ol’ copycat YOU are amazing me.

    I clicked over to read the post about Kerri and Bridget in the middle of this and hopped on board and shared the mess out of that post. Such an amazing story and it was terrific of you to put it out there. Amazing thing #2.

    In the middle of all of our personal bad stuff there is so much good happening. It really does my heart good to know that people care so much for you and for others as well. In all of my life, I don’t think I’ve ever been part of something quite like the sphere. It has its share of drama and BS but there really is so much more compassion and camaraderie than I would ever have imagined.

    Keep doing what you do, dear EG, even in times of trouble. Especially in times of trouble. I, along with many others, care very much and will be here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The rainbow moon was stunning…we just stopped, several times, absolutely transfixed by its beauty, until we got too cold and had to move on. I want everyone to be able to see one. Wow! Certainly a moment I’ll remember!

      Kerri and Bridget…just…they get to me and make me want to change the world, in the same way that Tucker and Kristi, and Kerry, and Husby make me want to change the world, because we ALL face such challenges sometimes, and theirs are more complex and complicated than most, and the fact that the world is often such an unempathic, unforgiving place, particularly for people with special needs or medical issues makes me very upset and frustrated and need to DO something. This is something I could DO, and thank you so much, my DA, for getting on board with it and sharing the message. That means a lot to me ❤

      And your point about the Blogosphere…yes – it's amazing. If someone had once told me that I'd feel such depths of despair I was ready to end things, and that people on the other end of a screen would be the ones to pull me back, I would have given them a very condescending snort of laughter, but actually, the people here have become kind of central to my life and my world, every bit as much as Husby and my family and my IRL friends. It's souls connecting, and it doesn't really matter HOW, I guess. I know that used to bug me, but I'm learning to roll with it. In spite of the occasional drama/BS moment 😉

      Heart and Grit. That should be a slogan for something. That's awesome 🙂 Goodness me, would that EVER make an amazing blog name!

      I'll keep doing what I do. Because I want to in the good times, and because I need to in the bad times. And it is wonderful to know that you'll be there, and that you'll care. And btw, it's February, so….EIGHT MONTHS! *grinning like mad*

      Like

  14. “Write my wrongs”–love it! Determination is what speaks to me tonight. There just might be a very small something headed across the ocean in your direction. I’m just sayin.

    Liked by 1 person

    • *twinklysparklysmiles* Ohhhh how wonderful! That’s so exciting. I have a burden on my mind because I KNOW I’ve been really bad at keeping up with my glitterbombs. I’ve got an actual LIST now of people I want to get, and am slowly getting things together for them, but just…keep running out of energy on it! RUBBISH! I need to get that sorted. Am gonna make it a priority to organise this week. I’m so cross at myself for being lax.

      Determination is good. And necessary. Keep going, warrior.

      Like

  15. I had to peek before I turn in…good for you. I love the list of feelings…that’s good. That was quite a funny post and subsequent banter. Highly entertaining. I was going to say “you and all the great people I’ve connected with this wee” for what has been amazing me, but dammit Scott! Took my answer.
    I’d love to was prosaic with you but I am merely waiting for Zilla to finish the chapter of her book that she’s reading and turn out her light and then I’m off to my own room and snuggly blankets and warm cats.
    Get you later.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhh I hope that you had good sleep, and that you’re feeling a bit better when you get back to the Blogosphere. The post and all the banter was HYSTERICAL! It’s a very different ‘feel’ over at Beth’s, probably because she manages the whole ‘light-hearted and slightly risque’ so much better than I do, but there’s that kind of silly-fun attitude and I adore being part of her comments section. It’s just…lifting, somehow.

      All the great people to connect with…are amazing, and as valid for you as for Scott and for me. We all keep each other going.

      And yeah – this hearkened back to the beginnings. I needed to remember that there WAS good, and it WOULD be okay. And there was, and it is, and it will be 🙂

      Like

  16. What’s been amazing me? You. You and other peeps ’round these parts who are the best sort of people. Just knowing good people are out there (even if none of them are near me) makes it all a bit easier to bear.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yep. YOU have been amazing. And you’re doing it again RIGHTNOW. Definitely 🙂 And yes – knowing (and being able to talk to, in spite of Geography) good people, is WONDERFUL and so helpful. *hugs*

      Like

  17. Oh well, ANYway….lovely way to do the TTOT, and you DID IT, despite the funk you were in earlier!! YAY YOU!!

    The post on my blog was wahaaaay fun! You can write silly for me Any Time!

    Ohhhhhh a rainbow moon! How magical!

    Liked by 1 person

    • *grins* I did it. I’m mostly funk-free (kindasorta) but yeah, doing this definitely helped. YOU definitely helped, too, and thank you SO MUCH for that.

      The post on your blog STILL IS fun. I’ll make sure I write silly for you again. And you write something thinky for me 😀

      The rainbow moon was INCREDIBLE.

      Liked by 1 person

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