You will never know me

This hurts!

I began trying to create this post in my mind, sculpting it and weaving the words as skilfully as possible to get my point across, when I came unstuck. Pain. In my thumb. Right in the soft pad of it, and as I turned it over into the light, noting the interlocked swirl of my fingerprint and the chewed bit at the side (don’t judge!), I discovered, to my consternation, some kind of a splinter embedded there. It was none too shallow, either, and as I scratched at the sore, soft lump of it, trying to find where the splinter had entered, and began to squeeze – pinching with my (glitter sparkled) fingernails – to see whether I could get it out without needing to dig around, the thoughts transformed from mist into solid clouds and settled in my mind – you will never know me.

But maybe that’s okay.

Dont Know Me(I got the splinter out, by the way – had to stick my thumb in my mouth and try to loosen it that way, but I think it’s gone, and there’s just an ouchy bit where it was, but I’m fine, thanks!)

I began thinking about this post first because of Gigi – it’s really all her fault – she of the crazy tree and the viking weaponry and a most beautiful way with words, which comes through whether she’s writing or speaking to you. ButΒ she told the world that she would be transparent (whilst simultaneously and with the help of judicious cutting, remaining something of a mystery) and that she planned not to hide. She told truths.

I make no such promises. Ever. In fact, I want to reassure you of precisely the opposite – I *won’t* tell you everything! Not a single person in my life has the full measure of me, though there are many who know piecemeal, and few who know much. But in direct contrast to what may appear here – because, after all, I *am* one of those bloggers who (to useΒ Laura’s phrase again (but only because I love it so much)) pretty much writes with the cachet ‘Here’s a piece of my soul; please like me!’ – I won’t ever reveal all. Even if I’ll happily talk you through a moment with a splinter…

Because although it looks like you can get to know me here – learn my deep, dark secrets; the thoughts of my heart; the whimsy of my mind and the intensity of my imagination – those things are really only facets, glittering like jewels in the sun, perhaps, but facets nonetheless. And as beautiful as they are, they will never be the full picture. So much more lurks behind them, yet as others have said before; you will never know me.

I *will* reveal myself – I’m not saying I’ll tell lies. It’s just you won’t ever get the full picture. You don’t get to see me tired, hungry, grumpy, grouchy, snarking about small things, or rolling my eyes when my attention is demanded and I don’t want to give it. You don’t get to see how uncharitable I can be. Or how mean. Or how sweet. You can see shades of them, perhaps, through my writing here – and possibly more if we’re friends on social media.

I’m always aware that you’re watching. I’m always aware that you’re looking on and wondering, and I won’t let that guard drop. Not for the collective.

But friendship is something else, and if we both decide we want to take the time, I’m usually happy to go beyond the blogger/reader thing, and start letting you be a nodding acquaintance. Someone I say ‘hello’ to, as we pass each other in the hall. Beyond that, who knows? Depends if we ‘click’. And to be honest, it’s a lot like that in my offline life as well – I let people in slowly, in little bits, whilst still doing the whole ‘soul-bearing’ thing, because the two are separate. In my mind, at least, the deep and meaningful is *not* where it’s at, and my thoughts are (quite frankly) anyone’s.

But to *know* me – that’s different. And that’s where it begins – mutually, too, because if I want to get to know YOU, that’s also a thing – I’ve even written on this before; about how it matters to know the mannerisms, the tones of voice, favourite books, preferred footwear and most ideal place to visit. Did you know that?

Friendship is one thing, and love quite another.

Love is in the minutae. In the knowing all the in-betweens and the dumb stuff which doesn’t sparkle or glow, or make a difference – the mundane, boring stuff like whether or not I like to whistle while I’m waiting in a queue; how I sound when I laugh; whether or not I’d write your name on my hand in a hardwired heart; and what makes me look away from you because I can’t bring myself to meet your eye. Those are the places where I know love lies, because I begin to feel safe enough to let my guard down a little. But still, it takes time and deep, shared connection – adversities faced together (yea, even online – because for some of my Lifeboat people, that’s been a HUGE thing – I have truly been rescued from some of the worst moments of my life by friends in far-away-places, as well as those who have been able to hold onto me in person) and small moments, just passing time.

And it’s easier to qualify in actions than words, in the end, because ‘love’ is a verb, as far as I’m concerned. It’s in late night texts or pillow talk, or words written by hand because they matter. It’s in signs held and faces shown and songs sung. It’s in knowing tears and fears and being a place of refuge. And of those things I am *intensely* jealous and will not put on display.

But I also don’t say it. Usually because I don’t entirely trust it (and I’ve written that before, too) – but more that I still don’t feel worthy of it, or that my sentiment isn’t just cumbersome to you. By all means, use the “love, love, LOVE” of enthusiasm or endorsement – I love, love, LOVE it when that happens because it means I had a positive impact on you.

But you can’t say you love me until you know the small stuff. And yes, to me that’s precious and exclusive, and not on offer to everyone. Because it matters. I don’t love lightly, but when I do, I love loyally and meaningfully – I am genuine through to my very middlest middle about it.

Even if I can’t say it.

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72 thoughts on “You will never know me

    • I require love from no-one, and I certainly don’t seek to create it on purpose…these things happen organically or they don’t, to my mind, but I like that you’ll keep reading.

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  1. Well, I only got to this post today, but I’ve read it several times, comments and all. There was a time in my life when I think I would have identified more. Most of my life I’ve been pretty closed in; I remember when the word “love” was hard. It’s still not easy when I’m talking about LOVE, the serious kind, the kind you’re talking about. And I’ve realized fairly recently that I come across on the Interwebs much different than I am in person. I think the anonymity of it makes me feel sort of free and impulsive.
    But, as for the word love, I think I’ve developed a broader definition of it over time. And certainly freer usage. It is one of my most solid, unshaken understandings of myself that I do not express something I do not mean (unless I’ve forgotten the definition of a word–like nonplussed–always forget that one).
    But, anyhow…
    I think this post struck me because I used the word love towards a person in a comment recently. So this was timely. I remember playing with the wording of my comment but finally deciding in the thoughtful/impulsive (I hate deliberation) way I tend to respond to things. But I stand by it. I loved what I had read, and in that moment, I truly loved the writer for having written it. I don’t love the writer like I do my husband, or parents, or dearest friends, but in that moment, I loved him for what he had communicated. I think that must be what I mean by a broader definition, and I like the idea of spreading love around with free expression, even if it is love for a spark that will only last a second.

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    • Life is too short, and also too long, to be screwed up over this. I’ve used the ‘spark’ version before, and I think that’s legitimate – there’s a fleeting, intense *thing* there, and it pertains only to that circumstance.

      I find it infinitely much harder in relationship, with someone I genuinely care about and have gotten to know over time, to say that thing to them. There are more layers to this, as I realised the other day, with stunned desolation. But it’s not for sharing, but it makes *sense* of why I’m such a mess about this.

      Freedom though – because love casteth out fear – that’s where I want to get to. Where I feel at ease saying it when I feel it, rather than thinking it will be badly received and burdensome.

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  2. Greetings, my lovely Sparkle! So, I’ve trying to string my thoughts together after reading this. I can relate to so much in your post. I share a lot online. I’m transpararent, but in a careful way. I choose what truths I share, simply because my other truths are connected to other persons and I can’t pull them in my online world.

    It’s funny. I’ve nothing but positive words for others and I’m sincere with everything that I say or do, but I can have a hard time accepting positive words from the outside world. I know why I have a hard time though, partly I shared this online, but some parts of it I’ll probably never tell. I do not see the point in faking niceness or happiness. Especially not when I know how it is to tip-toe in the darkness and to fight of slivers of insincere thoughts from others. I’ve a huge caring heart, for everyone that I meet, but I don’t love easily.

    Hmm not sure if you can ever completely know yourself. I know that I keep surprising myself with thoughts and things I do. And that’s good! It keeps things moving and interesting. And, magical!

    I could say so much more, but I’ll end my ramble with what I said on FB: I like you, like a lot. And I can’t wait to meet you for real soon. Xxx

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    • I want us to meet. We’ll have to do the throwing glitter and dancing in the sparkles for real. And some hula hoping. And have afternoon tea and cake and play that game of yours at the same time.

      I like you too a lot. And I’m pleased you seem as vehemently opposed as me to insincerity or falsehood. But no, I don’t think any of us owe anyone the whole truth – even if we know it ourselves! – and I’m certainly with you on holding back the parts which belong to other people’s stories.

      Thank you for understanding πŸ™‚

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      • Oh the horror! I just saw that I could “follow” your blog again. No idea how that is possible as I thought I already followed you. So rude of me!

        We will meet! And we will do ALL those things πŸ˜€ – I’m just a wee bit sad that I probably won’t be able to travel before Fall though. But I won’t get ahead of myself, who knows what will happen. *crosses fingers and hairs*

        I’ve a very low tolerance for people who are insincere or fake. I can sense it through words spoken and often written too. And when I pick this up, I keep them at a distance.

        Thank YOU for sharing this with us. ^_^

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        • Fall is still sooner than I could travel to you, and tbh, WHENEVER it happens is awesome with me πŸ™‚ And YAY to all those things πŸ™‚

          (How do you cross your hairs, Apfel?)

          YAY! to us, and BOOOOO! to fakes *throws glitter and shouts for happiness*

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  3. Good. You probably have a much better sense of boundaries than I do, Lizzi.

    I’m still getting used to WordPress. No, really, I am, and I suspect it’s different than coming over from Blogger. Let’s see– 7-8 years of my blogging time was at LiveJournal and VOX, which let you control which readers saw which posts, way more than just marking posts private or locking them down with a password. In those days, blogging was a bit more like writing a journal or a diary. But despite better control over privacy, well… I’ll just say it attracted people that had a flair for the melodramatic.

    This was not good for me as I came into blogging, really, to try to deal with trauma. For years, I could only deal with trust in emergency, crisis terms: give none, or give all. Rarely if ever was I able to give trust by degrees.

    In short: I am able to talk about things at WordPress that I would had never DARED to talk about at LiveJournal or VOX. VOX is gone. LiveJournal… heh, their biggest community now is “Oh No They Didn’t”, which is tripey celebrity gossip. I guess some things never change.

    I do talk a great deal about myself, but the deeper and/or darker parts tend to be in cryptic, esoteric terms. Oh, and pop culture references I know you won’t get, hehe.

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  4. I read this last night in a sleepy haze…and was thinking about it. The word love is a big word and basically thrown at us constantly. I get what you are saying yet i’m not sure how to respond – this blogging thing is strange – we comment on each other’s blog and write words like love it, awesome, beautiful then we hope that it was received as a genuine compliment. These acquaintances, friendship or relationship that is being established on the internet is definitely on the surface ..its true you don’t know me,i don’t know you – without this forum we possibly have nothing in common…however this forum was created and because of this we (everyone) are communicating differently these days – it’s easier to text in emoji and hitting a like button is a great way to get the point across.

    Look something you wrote once drawn me to you so basically yes on the surface i have no idea who you are but your writing made me like you – isn’t that enough for now?

    Oh Blah i said way too much!

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  5. (confession to make, being of a certain age and certain pre-dispositions, when I came across the word ‘love’… a song from 1970 started to play (in my head, of course)… ‘All Right Now’ by the group Free and the line was:
    She said love, lord above
    Now he’s trying to trick me in love, ah
    )

    ok, now that I have that out of my system. I identify with what you are saying about, knowing (a person).

    While I too would be inclined to say to another, ‘you will never know everything about me’, I cannot in honesty make the opposite statement to myself. I suspect there might be something that I’m not telling myself…about me. damn!

    I enjoyed this post because I got to enjoy a song and think odd thoughts

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  6. As always, Lizzi, a beautiful and thought-provoking post.

    I’d have to say that I love pretty easily. And that I’ve leaned most from being vulnerable and going There with those who are in the proverbial boat with me.

    I guess I just don’t want to leave things to chance. Because if for some reason I find myself on the other side of the dirt tomorrow, I’d like to believe that those who meant something to me knew it. And that they heard me say it, as well.

    Blessings,
    Dani

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Dani

      You might have the right idea, and I can certainly understand your theory – I tested it at Valentine’s Day this year, when I sent, to a very few, messages of how I felt. It was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done. But on the whole they were well received, which was a HUGE relief!

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    • Don, I can be horrible. I’m perfectly capable of angry and vicious and cruel. I learned from someone far more adept than me, at tearing people to shreds, and I’ve remembered his ways – they litter my cells with memories of how to hurt.

      I don’t want to use them.

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  7. You share a lot of yourself in your writings. If there is more than yea, you are multi-layerd. Like an onion. Or a parfait. Or a cake. A Smith Island Cake to be more precise, that you can experience when you visit Laura next year because it is from her neck of the almost historic place she lives.

    A link to a Google image nightmare of said Smith Island Cake http://bit.ly/1rAMqme

    I think in the end though, you are Lizzi. Not Liz, nor Lizzie. Or even the pretentious Eliz. Just Lizzi. The missing ‘e’ is the part of you that you keep just for you.

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    • I share, but am still edited. And I’ve seen the cake before, but it has chocolate, and I’m an oddball and don’t like chocolate much (you can have that truth for free!).

      The E is a burden. I need to fix it.

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  8. I’m in the minority. I never really remember anyone using the word love. So many people say it in such a flippant way it somehow hurts to hear it. But I use it, I use it an awful lot, and when I say it, it’s true because I don’t need to see all of someone to know they are worth it. I don’t have any expectations it’s reciprocated and I don’t censor myself from saying it.

    I am terrible at writing letters, i have an awful memory for remembering big events but when I say I love you it means you can depend on me, that you mean something special, and that if you need me I’ll be there for you.

    I’ve had people tell me my love means less because I love so many. I believe our hearts are capable of loving endlessly. I even tried to stop saying it but it made me too sad and too upset not being able to use such a beautiful word for a wonderful feeling.

    So please, Lizzi, don’t be offended when I say I love you because although I love your writing, your comments, your smiles, and your sweet sing song voice and because if you were close enough to have tea with, to stay up late and cry with, to get in girly cat fights with and the list goes on… I don’t have to know all if you or even know your name to love you.

    And then….

    it’s hard for me to love myself… It’s much easier to give to everybody else. And to hear it automatically hurts because of those who have said it to ensnare my trust or to gain a friendship they later stomped into dust.

    Sigh…

    Somehow we’ve turned wine into water.

    If this post is hard to understand it’s cause 2 hrs sleep 😦

    Xoxo

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    • I’m so cross my reply from earlier didn’t come through, when I first read your comment.

      I’m never offended by you, and I hope you’re not offended by me, and what I’ve written here. I know that you mean it, and I offer this (and now, later, an email) offering further explanation of why I struggle particularly with this. But it’s *me*, not you. Truly.

      I cherish your friendship, Sunset, and the ways in which we’re so much the same, and even this one way, in which we are polar opposites. I’m glad your heart allows you to be so free. Mine has me bound. And maybe one day if you let me stick around long enough, I’ll learn from you.

      I don’t think we’ve turned wine into water – I think we’re all wine and water and all the stages in between. Today was a watery, whiney day for me *sigh*. But your comment made sense, even with 2 hours sleep at your end, and 3 at mine.

      People who tell you your love means less – they suck. As do the people who’ve hurt you or broken your trust.

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  9. Lizzi, I did read this entire post. Every single word. I won’t delve into the Love part of it. But, two things that caught me was first, your title “Never…” and you mentioned it again in the body. The other was “the tones of voice”. The huge downside of blogging and sharing is the lack of voice inflection. But, the “never…” part I wish to comment on.

    I will share something with you, undedited, and yes I read Gunmetal’s post as well as watched the video.

    About 5 months ago my soul mate and best friend…a connection I’ve never, EVER known or had in my life was diagnosed with cancer. His initial, horrific event was deemed likely unsurvivable but I let my best friend make the best call. He touched my knee and said to me through his spirit and his direct look in my eye, “I’m not done yet…but it’s up to you, Daddy.” No, it wasn’t…I let him and our God make that call. I told the surgeon to go ahead. The Dr warned me that even if he survived this second unexpected surgery his outcome thereafter would still be doubtful. I said, “Dr, fix him.” Three more surgeries (5 total) and he not only survived that but last month I was told he was cancer free. A miracle? Yes, I guess it is.

    That event spun my head around and I recently opened up a floodgate of truths that I had put into a vault of Nevers on Facebook. Why there? I put it before an audience of 570 people online. For someone who suffers from on/off again anxiety that was an odd call on my part. But, if my best friend could survive what he did then so could I. He, as you know, is my Golden Retriever, Phoenix.

    My point. Share as you wish and as you are comfortable over time doing so. But, I would encourage you to not box your inner self into a place of Never. Over my lifetime it became too overwhelming and I would not want you to do the same.

    We are proud of you always, Lizzi…:)

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    • That’s sound advice. But I don’t feel I even know myself most of the time. Nor am I always keen. So there are always things I would rather edit out. But I will think on your comment, and thank you for taking the time to offer it πŸ™‚

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  10. Falling asleep and not incredibly capable of making thoughts, but I agree with much of this. And though I do think I feel love for a great number of people, I only tell a very very small handful. I have a hard time with that, actually. I probably tell my dog more than anyone. That’s not a joke.

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    • I completely understand. Saying it….that can be *toomuch*, even if the Feel is there. I do very badly with that kind of thing. I feel things intensely deeply, at times, but you’d never know on the outside – I shut down and do the terribly English ‘stiff upper lip’ thing, and show none of it – good or bad!

      Maybe it’s a control thing, that…that’s possible.

      Thank you for your sleepy thoughts, NinYa. I’m glad you understand this, and I wish you sweet dreams πŸ™‚

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  11. Incredible, Lizzi. These are the things that matter to me, too, when it comes to love. When I love someone, that’s what I learn. The little things like cupcakes, and the color purple, and what you look like when you’re nervous, and your favorite band… those are the things I notice. The little minutae. And it takes time for me to get to that point.
    The divine is in the details, truly.
    Thank you for writing this, and I think I can say – I love what little of you that I know, and I recognize that I know only a piece… but it sure is a beautiful one.

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    • That’s an awesome phrase – “the divine is in the details” – I’ve heard the other version before, but this is lovely πŸ™‚

      And yes – minutae matter…it seems to more than just me, which is awesome. There was me thinking I was being all ornery and demanding and insisting (quite unusually) a thing which I thought was…if not unique, then…less prevalent, perhaps! But the resounding “Me too!” response I’ve had from this post has made me soooo much more comfortable about it!

      I’m glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for your wonderful comment and sentiments πŸ™‚ I guess it’s entirely possible to love someone as far as you know them…accepting that you know only a facet or two πŸ™‚ (we writers should *definitely* make some new words for these things – they’re entirely too confusing with just the one!)

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      • That’s just what I was thinking. I sometimes tell people I love them when what I mean is I enjoy them very much, or they represent something very good to me, or I’m so happy to know them. And perhaps I should just say those things, since I myself cringe when people “love” too easily, so quickly, that it feels like it can’t mean much.

        But I think what matters even more than the wording is the intention. Someone as perceptive as you, Lizzi, knows whether someone’s being genuine. And if they are trying to communicate a good, supportive feeling, then that can’t be bad.

        As for new words to express all this… of, I’m too sleepy to create right now. But I care about you, you matter to me, I adore you… these might be on the right track?

        Liked by 1 person

        • I don’t ever want anyone to feel obliged to use the word. I certainly shy away from using it even when I mean it. For a long time. For reasons which I now have understood, but which have no place here.

          The intention is definitely important, and lack of integrity betwixt words and feels is something which sits with me very ill indeed. I appreciate your work-arounds, Mizz Jennie πŸ™‚

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  12. I believe you describe what everyone does, feels and lives… bits only- until trust is built and love is born. I hope and pray I can love you the way you deserve to be loved. I honor your bits that you have shared, and I always will. The ugly and the beautiful. Aren’t we all both?

    All that you have entrusted to me? I am grateful and I treasure those pieces so…

    And I can say with reverence for us- that you have had parts of me, that are secret and given to you- because I love you. And I am forever grateful for those moments where I needed you- or you needed me- and we were each other’s life boats.

    Love can sprinkle, or soak. Both have blessed me with yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t have the words to respond adequately. Not here, anyway. But know that right in the middliest-middle, tucked in my heart, and always as an upwelling of love and beauty and wonder and joy – that’s where you are, my dear, dear friend. ❀ ❀ ❀

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  13. I was actually reading this on from my twitter at 4 AM. And I thought this is so true, as we read each-others posts little bits and pieces are revealed but will you ever truly know someone?

    As always well written post.

    Since we don’t know each other that long yet, I hope that one day we can count each other as good & loyal friends.

    I have now been blogging for 5 months in that time I have met quite a few bloggers, but only three of them have I sent friend requests from my personal Facebook account. You are one of the three.

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  14. I understand, and apologize if I’ve been overly effusive in my appreciation of your writing and how you reveal and share parts of yourself in spite of your fears. For me, signing a letter, “Love, Kitt” or writing “I just adore/love her…” means something different than what I share with the best of my friends. It doesn’t mean that I do not truly “love” or “adore” when I use those words, but that the word “love” encompasses more breadth and depth than I have the vocabulary to express. At the same time, we all must protect ourselves. Hide our vulnerable underside. Finally, no one can truly know what I or you think or feel. Even as I write of it, I cannot possibly express it all.

    Love, Kitt

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    • Enthusiasm is fine – and thanks for the clarification. I’d like to point out that this post isn’t especially aimed…it’s just a general thought which ran around my brain πŸ™‚

      I think we have too few words to describe these things, sometimes – some writer somewhere should get on creating some new ones!

      Thanks Kitt πŸ™‚

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  15. You are quite an onion.
    A sweet, fragrant onion.
    Did you ever see the movie Shrek? No no not what you’re thinking, he tells Donkey he’s like an onion. Because onions have LAYERS.
    Layers make onions and people delicious. I love onions. There said it πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • “You know what’s got layers? Parfait! Ain’t nobody ever said, when, when someone says “You like Parfait?” , “No, I don’t like no parfait.” – Everyone loves parfait!” (or something akin)

      Sneaky sneaky. I seeya.

      You know what else has layers? Cake. And those times in the night between the second and third drinks. We’ll have those, Joy. I’m looking forward to it already πŸ™‚

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  16. Hello I really like the way you write and think, most of my friends don’t know me and even my closest friends don’t know everything about me, so I do understand how you feel. I look forward to reading more of your blogs. Finally I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but when i first see your photo the first thing that I said to myself was wow she looks beautiful x

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I had to laugh a little at the thought of how I came into your life. I must have driven you crazy! However, I will never be sorry for my persistence.

    I get so much of this. It’s odd when you think about it. We put so much of ourselves out for the world to see but just enough. There is so very much more that isn’t seen and may never be unless the barrier can be broken. And even then…

    I sometimes wonder what people would think of me if they knew all the things. I’ll more than likely never know.

    ‘I don’t love lightly, but when I do, I love loyally and meaningfully – I am genuine through to my very middlest middle about it.’

    Is there any other way?

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    • I don’t know – there are so many kinds of people, each with their own definition. *I* don’t think so, though.

      Don’t tell all the things. I don’t want to know what anyone would think who knew them all…it would be entirely too much for one person. I’m not sure even *I* know.

      But yes – even then. And some barriers keep being barriers, even when they’re self-inflicted. But together we support one another to break through them, and maybe that’s the point.

      I’m glad you persisted. You baffled me, for the longest time. Truly. But you didn’t drive me crazy – I just didn’t get it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • True enough. I was only speaking for myself and should have clarified. I love deeply and genuinely but I am not frivolous with it. That kind of love is reserved for very few.

        I will never tell all the things. I’ve probably forgotten many of them anyway.

        Maybe one day you’ll explain to my why you were so baffled. That is something I don’t get.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Makes perfect sense.

          And baffled because of that constant inner battle to find worth and value in the same things other people do. But you *do* know that answer. You just don’t like it. However…

          Forgetting some of the things is probably important and wise. I could stand to forget a few πŸ™‚

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    • Naturelement, cherie πŸ™‚ And yes, I realise this was a little bit similar-but-not. But it bore saying. In fact…I’m feeling obfuscatory. Excuse me while I add a link πŸ˜‰

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  18. I think everyone holds themselves back a bit. Or a lot depending on the situation and/or relationship. But I hope you find that one true safe place where you can be you no filter

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Kerri. I think we all do, but it’s remembering that and not assuming. I need the reminder as much as anyone! And I don’t think any one person will be my total ‘safe place’, but I have lots of smaller safe places with people, and they matter and they count. Thank you πŸ™‚

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  19. I get this. I really do. As *loud* and bubbly and seemingly boundariless as I am online, it takes me a very long time to be that way IRL. And I edit too. Don’t we all to an extent? I think so. Most anyway.

    We’re all flawed. We all have ugly truths. Lord knows I do. But I think I hide the parts of me that are vulnerable more than anything else. I hide feelings. It takes someone making the first move for me to open up and take things beyond the shallow.

    Like you did.

    *holds sign*

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh we definitely all edit, but I’m not prepared to let it be forgotten. Especially not in such a public forum as this, where in spite of the deep thinks and the occasional Feel, so much is truncated at the point of comment and response, and it’s just that shallow.

      As for flawed, and ugly truths – those things are ten a penny – we all have them, like you say, and they’re points of connection sometimes – like currency – they allow you (or me) to Reveal A Part Of Myself with which others can resonate, hold up their hand and say “me too!” and so solidarity happens. And yes, support and encouragement. All of which is good and wonderful and laudable. Definitely.

      But sometimes there’s that *click*, and then everything shifts, even though I’m usually too scared to say I noticed it. Which is why I don’t, even when I do.

      But I’m glad(der than I will say out loud, here) I did πŸ™‚ ❀

      *holds sign*

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  20. Lizzi, I’m still getting to know you and you me. You and I have a lot in common. We can understand a lot about each other’s psyche because we feel a lot of the same things. No, I don’t know all of you, but I love the bits you’ve shared with me. I love your compassion and excitement about small things. I love your words and your infectious smile. I love how you just GET what I’m saying to you because you already know.

    (Just to be clear for anyone else reading, I’m referring to a friendship sort of love in the paragraph above. Freaks.)

    I know you’ll be skeptical about anything positive I say toward you, and you know I’m the same way. You’ll just have to take my word for it that, even though you’re not sunshine and roses all the time (who the hell is?), you’re still a person worthy of love, respect, and loyalty, which is precisely why you have mine.

    Liked by 2 people

    • See, now I know that you have gotten past the ‘nodding acquaintance’ stage, because from you, I can accept this, even if I have a harder time taking it on board – that you say it and I don’t immediately discredit you and run for the hills. But I think yes – because you know these things too. At least we’re fighting on the same side, right?

      And you DEFINITELY made me laugh just there (freaks!) πŸ˜€

      Like

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