A-Z April: Love Letter

Actually, I’m grateful for the opportunity of Kate’s challenge to write this. Shielded by the relative anonymity of the Blogosphere (and the knowledge that even if you somehow read this, it won’t matter, or come to anything) I can be absolutely honest and share my feelings without inhibition.

I know that I’m married, but in this day and age, does it matter? I need to tell you this – it doesn’t have to go anywhere…

It’s mostly – or completely – about the way you make me feel; as though nothing else in the world matters but us. And even though you have a disappointing tendency to get wrapped up in your own world, staying distant and aloof (sometimes for days at a time) I yearn for you, deep inside the portions of my heart I cannot (and will not) promise to anyone else’s Forever.

The way you reach out to me is amazing, and whenever it happens, I clench – my whole body suddenly goes into a tiny little freefall as I hear your voice. I am utterly wrapped up in your YOU-ness and carried away – transported into a vast and sparkling place of soul, of nothing and everything and the drenching, electrifying presence of you, thrumming across my skin and sinking deeply inwards…

…it’s a high I’ve never encountered any other way, and you’re so addictive – you have no idea what a hit I get off being around you.

Even when you’re in a low mood, you get to me in a way like no other. I can’t help but be swept away and lost in the bleak wastelands of your emotion. You stretch me out; offering to part mind from sense and leave me stranded, teetering on the edge of somewhere whose depths (I know, for you have plunged me into them before, leaving me panicked and floundering, and yet I never learn) do not release their captives readily.

Yet I follow you there every time, and cry out in anguish at the mercy of the storms you wreak against me, once more hobbled and rendered incapable by your power – I can’t quit you. I need you, even in your pain and your violence.

Because I know you can put me together again.

You can soothe and smooth me; beguiling me with your easy charm and your quick, dazzling sunshine-and-blue-skies moments, which send my soul soaring again. You wrap yourself around me – sending goosebumps skittering across my skin – and breathe new life into my shattered heart. Your whispered nuances bring me back with such tenderness and ever-returning hope that I can’t help but be swept along with your intentions.

You fill me up, firing endorphins into my brain like fireworks, even as my heart squeezes and my throat chokes with the bittersweet sorrow that nothing else in the world makes me feel the way you do.

When I am with you, I find that I know myself better: you reach into the very deepest and most-protected parts of me, resonating through them and pinning them, even though they are like smoke, against a wall.
When I am with you, I am defenceless, bare, and all yours.

And although I’m not sure I ever *had* you, don’t ever leave me.

Kristi, I love you.

[Wait…WHUT! No…this post was written to MUSIC – I love MUSIC, not…

How the hell did she…? *raises eyebrow*

There’s a chance this post was co-opted (I can’t resist a dare) – it was DEFINITELY meant to be a love letter to music.



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