Triple Threat – BOOM!

Have you ever had so much to do you wished you could split yourself into two or three separate entities to manage the workload?

In the Blogosphere, it’s entirely possible to marshal your resources, get down to typing, and pull off the above trick in most spectacular fashion. Let me tell you all about it…

Guest posts. That’s what I’m talking about.

I have been fortunate enough to enjoy a positive flurry of the things, all at once, and today (of all days, because why not?) the inevitable has occurred, and two published posts have collided.

Oh dear!

Fortunately for you, dear readers, the choices should be relatively simple, depending on what mood you’re in. And the most exciting part is that this is going to turn out rather like one of those ‘pick your own adventure’ stories I enjoyed so much as a little’un.

Threat #1 – Truth. My Truth. Or, rather, one of them. Another not-the-very-nice kind, as I share once more at My Daily Jenn-ism (who is running Mental Health March) about the ways Depression has kicked my butt, and this time, the ways I learned to kick back. Kinda. All I’ll say is that it’s NOT as raw as the first one.

Threat #2 – Fiction. MY fiction. Glorious, exciting, with a double-twist in the end of its delightfully cliffhangered tail. I left a few of you on edge last week, when Sandy invited me to share a story as part of her ‘Say What you Want’ series (yes – she’s still taking applications) and it turned into an epic adventure across two posts. We last saw our heroine drugged, in a car, headed she knew not where…

Threat #3 – Right here, my lovelies. Because you read this at least up to this point to discover that I have just made you eligible for a prize. And (if you’re smart) your comment will reflect that. I don’t ‘do’ Rafflecopter, but I do do fun. And *sparklytwinklyhappygoodness*, which can sometimes be packaged and sent in the mail. So if you want to get your hands on some of that, tell me about the last time you really laughed. Not a chuckle or a chortle or a giggle, but that wonderful, abandoned, belly-laughter, with tears coming from your eyes. The person whose story makes me laugh hardest will win, and I’ll contact you to send your prize.

Choose your own adventure:

To visit the first post I wrote for Mental Health March, click your heels and be off with you.

To visit the NEW post – An Acceptable Human – follow the yellow brick road this way

To read Doctor, Doctor (in which our heroine finds herself in rather a scrape): sparkle your fairy wings in this direction.

To learn how our heroine gets OUT of her cliffhanger ending, and discover that things are (twice) not what they seem; take the second star to the right, and go straight on ’til morning.

To leave me some love and laughter and bag a chance at a prize (winner to be announced in Quick Takes on Friday) comment below.

To show me you thought I just plain ol’ done well, and to let me know you’ll miss me on Thursday when I’m not here, because I’m going to be spending a delightful, tipsyish, late-night-chats and too-much-food, delicious time-slowed-down couple of days with my soulmate, ALSO comment below.

And if you really love me, share my guest posts all over social media.

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38 thoughts on “Triple Threat – BOOM!

  1. If I have a video of the last time I really laughed, can I email it to you? Explaining it just doesn't do it justice! And I used to LOVE those choose your own adventure books. Omg. Now you've made me want to play one! And I have visited,read and commented on all these I think. Hmmmm maybe I missed the fiction.

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  2. D'oh! Yea, definitely need more coffee. Brain is not computing a damn thing today.

    I'm not a niche either so I am also not the best platform. But I do like sharing my hood with other bloggers whom I respect and admire. (I know, I know…kiss ass).

    As for that third threat: Crap. I don't know. There have been some pretty dang hilarious moments lately but remembering them is tricky. Hmm. I have to think about this one.

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  3. Read the third Threat again, m'dear πŸ˜€

    FB me what you'd like to write for me, and I'll see what I can do. I'm not the best platform for sharing writers work as I'm not 'niche' in any way, but it depends what you're after, I suppose πŸ˜€

    I'm away now til Friday, but DEFINITELY we'll talk after that πŸ˜€

    (something with some of your beautiful photos? The non-whited out ones?)

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  4. You lost me at funny story in the mail. *looks at comment again…ummm…what?*

    Now, for the puppy dog eyes: I'd really really like it if I could post something on your blog my dear Lizzi. What, I don't know, but something. I mean, you are going to be getting cozy in my hood some time after April all. I'd love to make my presence known here too. See? Now I'm begging.

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  5. Soooo what you're saying is I'm going to need a LOT of coffee in order to have the energy to stroll around the web reading your awesomeness. Got it. But yanno…totally worth it.

    Speaking of guest posts…I need to write more. I need to get around a bit too. In a totally clean way of course. Yea. That's it.

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  6. Wait, so I'm plastic and available to anyone who wants me?

    *raises eyebrow*

    Hey…don't *I* make you laugh, at least? I did get told I look 17 the other day. By someone who doesn't yet know me well, and who has absolutely NO reason to flatter me (so I took it as a genuine comment).

    And anyway. Silly drunk stories are my favourites…

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  7. You're like Visa lately, their marketing campaign is “We're everywhere you want to be” and that is YOU my little typing temptress! I remove myself from you contest, because I don't remember what I laughed about, but it was probably something really stupid when I had too much to drink. This is what teenagers do to a person.

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  8. Well, sadly, I know I laughed so hard I actually did cry one night at dinner with my kids about two weeks ago but can't remember what it was that was so funny. I will have to ask them, maybe they remember.
    At any rate….whoosh!!!!!!!!!! You really are all over the place and why didn't I put together the hot Texas doctor with the story :/
    I just figured out why I can't remember what was so funny…drugged and kidnapped…

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  9. ok THIS IS NOT the last time I laughed, but it is one of the best laughs I ever had, and I woke up and three AM and it is what came to mind first! –jean

    ***

    When Dylan was small, he was a very determined kid. He had strong likes and dislikes.

    When you have a child with autism, you know that you are going to have double and oh what the heck, even quadruple the feelings and inexplicable actions expressed because of these feelings, especially when your child is non-verbal. Of course this is because everyone HAS TO EXPRESS HIMSELF OR HERSELF! Right!

    Keeping in mind that nothing makes sense, EVER, please picture a Fisher Price plastic changing table which has been used by plenty of now-grown older children. It's in use once again, by kid number four. That would be Dylan, our first son with autism. This ugly old changing table is battered and worn out. It has a foam mattress on top which is covered in flexible plastic which can be sponged clean. This mattress pad is around three feet by 1 1/2 feet. As it is so ancient, it has a vertical split straight down the middle of the soft plastic cover on the foam underside.

    The scene is now set for a memory involving a long ago Halloween night. Twenty years ago.

    Dylan, who was around two, was home with me while my husband took the other kids out “trick or treating”, dressed in their favourite costumes.

    I was doing something in the kitchen. Dylan was happily playing with the mattress pad which he had pulled off the changing table right in the adjoining room.

    I looked at him to see that he had stuck his arms in the split plastic underside of the mattress pad: one arm on each section. He sort of looked like he was wearing a flying machine contraption, a la the Wright brothers. Except it had printed lambs and flowers on it and was pale blue plastic. He was wearing this around for reasons of his own, and just sort wandering around and around the living room.

    Jim arrived back with the other kids.

    When Jim walked into the living room, he gazed upon our son. Dylan looked inexpressibly absurd wearing his mattress pad.

    Jim didn't turn a hair when he then said,

    “I don't believe it! TWO MATTRESS PAD COSTUMES IN ONE NIGHT! WHAT ARE THE ODDS???”

    I thought I was going to die laughing.

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  10. Yeah- I'm sure she LOVED that part about the “Dick coming back from war”… and such things. I couldn't help but still laugh my ARS off though!!! And my first message after her comment? I messaged her and started with “I'm not your typical Christian”…. HA! Thank God she was really sweet and wonderful!! WHEW! Oy. I can't believe God thinks He can use ME. I know He often just closes His Eyes and throws His Hands up in the air!! LOLOL

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  11. *snort* that would be an expensive trip just for a dare! But I think you know I'd totally do it. I think she's the doctor that saw me for my ankle a few weeks ago!

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  12. *eyes get huuuuuuuuge* OHHHHHHH MYY!

    WHOOPS πŸ˜€

    See, now, you should've just vlogged the alcohol and stuck it on Youtube and she NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN! And your nutty friend would have laughed herself absolutely silly.

    As it is…this was pretty good. I'm laughing, hun – I'm laughing πŸ˜€

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  13. WOW!! Now I am really overwhelmed!!! How can you throw all that THAT at me??? What are you, some kind of NINJA WRITER???? Oh that picture is HILARIOUS!!!! I love your cute little muscles too! LOLOLOL So freaking adorable!!!

    Gosh- okay what has made me laugh so hard that my stomach hurt like hell and my eye make up literally melted…. hmm….

    While I was promoting this amazing Christian author and seriously wondering if this was a blessing and led from God- (I mean how did they contact me? Could this be my ticket to being an author? Or at least a paid writer?) I decided to actually 'friend' this author and she ACCEPTED!! I was so excited! We began messaging and she asked me to write a review and do this and that and share this page and that and I adored her so I said I would do anything for her- because she is THAT amazing and I love love love supporting amazing people!! I also thought, gosh- maybe our friendship could be real and I could join her gang of writers at the Inscribed ministry? Maybe just maybe God has a plan that I am just going to trust and stay the course with what I believe to be my calling, my passion and my place in this world.
    Then, THEN I got this weird idea about my toe, from some nut across the pond- something about pouring alcohol on my toe- my wounded torn up toe that I shamelessly call “Toe Grind” because that it was….

    I also just got a new phone that lets me take pictures and post on FB!!! So, as my weird friend urged me to do a selfie, I thought to myself- “I can put my TOE as my selfie for my friend instead of pour alcohol on it in a vlog!!! YEAH!! I liked that idea!! I also thought it would be kinda funny…

    So I spent twenty minutes trying to take a clear picture and then another ten trying to figure out how to post it on fb…

    And then it happened.

    And oh my GOSH what a response!! Like I was seriously sweating and crying and my abs haven't had that much of a work out in two years kind of laughter. I COULDN'T STOP as each new comment flew in…. totally DISGUSTED with my Toe Grind!!

    Oh how hilarious it all was!!

    And as i kept getting comments, my new amazing author friend was still messaging me and I was still promoting her….

    Yeah.

    It hit me.

    She could see MY TOE GRIND and ALL the filthy awful and quite hilarious comments on my page!!! I DIED.

    Closed down the Toe Show and later when some friends were asking where it went I explained that my toe grind was going crazy while I was trying to support a wonderful Christian author- and I was terrified she would see my TOE GRIND within hours HOURS of meeting me…

    Next comment?

    “I did see your toe grind, and I seriously re-considered our friendship. ;)”

    Yup. It was her.

    Oh my….

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  14. *rubs hands* oh I have a doozie for you! The hubs went to the doctor yesterday for a bad cough. As she was examining him, she asked if he'd had any surgeries. He said, “just a hysterectomy.” She looked in his ears and then asked again, “What surgeries have you had?” He answered again, “A hysterectomy.” Finally she pauses and asks point blank, “You've had a hysterectomy?” He realized what he'd said and began bumbling, “NO! No I've had a vasectomy. Oh god. A vasectomy. My wife had a hysterectomy, not me.”
    He said he was SO embarrassed. But the worst thing was, when he came home he said, “I totally pulled a Beth today.”
    HEY!!!

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  15. Hells bells, you had to go and do the contest when I'm in a sense of humor slump and no one around me is being the least bit funny. :/
    I'm thinking on it…
    In the meantime, you are doing a fine job taking over the blogosworld.
    And the teeny tiny muscles in your drawings crack me up.

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  16. I wonder if that's why no-one's said anything yet *sigh*

    If it helps, I'm hugely grateful to you for breaking the ice with this, and might just have to send you big sloppy kisses anyway just for that…

    Your story, dude, is SO GROSS! And it DID make me laugh. I thought you were going to say that it turned out that you'd drawn poop on your OWN baby. That would have been Karma.

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  17. I am kind of regretting commenting first because it means everyone else just has to be funnier than me to win. However, I will give it a shot.

    When I was little my sister and I had the same dolls. They were these hard plastic baby dolls. I thought she lost mine and was SO VERY MAD. So I took hers and undressed it then proceeded to draw poop on its butt. Then I redressed it and put it back in her bed and waited and waited. She shrieked to no end upon discovering the odd shaped ovals drawn all over the doll's bum. I totally denied doing it. A couple of days later, she was sleeping in the top bunk and wet the bed- which meant pee dripped onto me on the bottom bunk. I learned what karma meant at a very young age. And I never drew poop on someone's doll again.

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