TToT 28:2 Yes, my heart’s still hardwired…

Firstly and most importantly, I *have* to share this with you.

Some of you will roll your eyes, having heard it a hundred times and not really listened to the lyrics. You may skip on to the rest of the post.

For some of you, hearing this will be a profoundly moving experience.

I was in the latter group, and can only once again express my delight and joy and HUGE gratitude to lovely Sandy, who shared it first, at her blog, yesterday, on this hop. The rest of her post is fabulous too, but this song made my day. I have been mainlining it ever since. I kid you not – I’ve listened to it on a loop for several hours straight (that’s how I roll…)

In a week which has been truly challenging, this song and its beautiful lyrics shot straight to my heart. It was an absolute bullseye. And a much-needed one. Because this week (at times) has been desperately, crushingly hard. To the point where the clouds have descended in front of my eyes, my breath has caught in my lungs, as though they were paralysed, and it’s been all I could do to put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

I was on my knees, floundering, nearly lost and swept out to sea (again) by the sneaker-wave of grief which thundered into my life last weekend, when I was already struggling. The timing truly sucked.

But. And here’s where the Thankful begins. I had so, SO many friends (and relations) both on and offline, who held me close, dusted me down and helped put me back together; back on my feet and kindasortanearly ready to go out and face the world again (1).

Which I did. With aplomb (2) (10 Awesome Points to anyone who referenced this, this weekend. 10 more to anyone who knows (without looking it up) what a ‘fortnight’ is).

I accepted a most beautiful ‘sisterhood’ blogging award, which lovely Cyndi awarded me because she likes me, and all sorts of other wonderful-things-that-she-said-reasons (3). And then because I wasn’t happy that I only got 10 nominations to make at the end of it (though I was HUGELY delighted to write about my beautiful friends and share their blogs, and their selves, with other people), and even though I broke the rules (because I can, and frequently do (4)) I wanted more.

So I created my own award (5) and handed out a load of Hardwired Hearts. And because it was late and the list was already SO LONG, I stopped. Ready to pick up again this weekend. Which raised no small amount of flak and aggravation from certain people who shall Mike remain J nameless Mele.

I went to my work Christmas meal, and had FUN (6). Slightly (but not too much, promise) drunk fun, with much letting off of steam and being silly together and eating good food, and gloating about the most GORGEOUS tiramisu (7), when others had ordered a not-nice cheesecake. I WON at pudding.

I co-hosted Finish The Sentence Friday (8) and in spite of the extra effort of another blog hop to manage over the weekend, it was such fun, and a real honour, as FTSF is the first hop I ever joined in with, and like your first Timelord, your first blog hop is not something you get over in a hurry.

I’m SO grateful that when you stop moving and interacting on Google+ video chat, it automatically ends your video feed and puts your profile picture back up for everyone else to see (9). Because I might’ve completely, totally fallen asleep HALFWAY THROUGH CHATTING with Clark, Michelle and Zoe. And I felt SO embarrassed when I woke up at 4 in the morning to discover myself ‘alone in the room’. And then I knew that THEY’D SEEN ME ASLEEP!

Fortunately, after much panicked messaging, I was able to ascertain the following

  • I’m great at sleeping sitting up whilst looking as though I’m deep in concentration
  • I neither drooled or snored
  • I’m “cute” when I’m asleep

 I’m thankful to the Nth degree for Husby(10), who got on and returned the defunct sledges (they were for Niece and Neff, but Grandma bought them one each and neglected to mention it to me), made the Christmas cards (and checked the list so I could see how many stamps I needed to buy whilst at the post office today (mailing out my lovely red package to Beth – remember?) and for giving such good hugs when I returned from my shopping trip traumatised by Too Much Christmas Everywhere, and a veryincredibly cute tiny girl who patted my leg and smiled up at me excitedly while I was in line at the greengrocer’s stall…

And because it’s MY HOP and I want to, I’m going to name a few more of the (still-to-be-finished) list of recipients of the Hardwired Heart…

Hardwired Heart Award
Hardwired Heart Award
Hardwired Heart Award

Remember the rules – it’s not just for bloggers – it’s for ANYONE ONLINE, this award. Anyone who means something special to you.

1) Nominate as many people as you like – but you have to say WHY they mean so much to you. Declare it proudly and shout it from the rooftops.
2) If you receive one, try to pass it on to at least one other person.

Katia – can write to break your heart in two, fix it together, transport you to another time or place, or speak so gently and personally, it’s as though she’s RightThere in front of you, showing you the world through her eyes. She’s also a really, really sweet lady, a gentle soul and a great offerer of support, encouragement and wisdom.

Mike – my constant pal and back-up (or grasser-up when shit goes down) in wreaking havoc and chaos whenever there’s an opportunity for silliness, irreverence or a wind-up. Especially on Twitter, where we have most of our fun and cause most upset and trouble. Which we love. We collect the number of times people *rolls eyes* at us.

Terrye – not around on the Blogosphere so much these days, but a consistent Bubbler, and very cool lady. We began rockily with the promise of a duel or evisceration of some kind (which never happened, by the way), but once I’d gotten to know that she’s not HALF the bad-ass she’s advertised as, and is in fact [Comment removed after a fight, which I lost an un-refusable request from Terrye was made, along the lines that over-saccharinity would ruin the reputation she’s worked so hard and given people aggro for SO LONG to build up]

Starr – *shrugs insouciantly* She’s brave, she’s fierce, the gloves are always off; she’s addictive. And I’m hooked. With all the related risks. Too much and there’s a very real possibility of ending up burned. But I can’t not go back for more because she’s so good.

Jen – Maestro of the Blogosphere (to me) – wonderful, open, friendly, awesome-mom with the talent and passion to start a music hop in the blogosphere and become instantly one of the coolest people out there. Her hop brings SO MUCH beauty in rhythm, harmony and melody. It (and she) makes the world a better place.

Kerri – absolutely straightforward, uncomplicated and very cool, Kerri is my constant supplier of ‘bitch-slaps through the internet’ for when I write something she fundamentally disagrees with or thinks I’m wrong on. She’s also wonderful, yaknow?

Joy (to the world) – mad as a box of frogs, hilarious, truthful, generous, and with a genuine heart for others…she’s just amazing. And has surprised me by going out of her way to provide that to me. I have lots of affection for this lovely lady.

Teresa – a dear and wonderful friend who Knows the path I tread, and who offers guidance and support from her own experiences, and encouragement and friendship from one of the biggest, most giving hearts I know of. She is a huge source of support to SO MANY.

Helen – okay, so Helen’s not strictly JUST an internetty friend. But she deserves a mention here because we’ve not managed to meet up in the longest time, but have had some fabulous chats and the feelings of mutual support and care are very strong.

SanFranFriend – another non-blogger, but supporter of mine, and has often been the one person I write for, as I knew he enjoyed my posts so much. Sadly his work has taken over his time, but we have wonderful, supportive conversations on Facebook, and as he’s In America, I’m so grateful for the opportunities afforded us by social media, to keep us in touch.

Kathy – my dear, wonderful chapter-buddy in Sunshine After The Storm, Kathy is almost permanently in ‘encouragement mode’ and is perhaps one of the sweetest people I know. She has such a warmth about her, and a presence of kindness and niceness with no edge or agenda. A treasure to know.

Alyson – she’s crass, she’s loud, she’s funny. She’s also good at bringing the Real, working through the nitty gritty and providing information from experience to manage those rougher patches. She awesomerocks and has had more influence on me than she probably even knows.

Lori – my fellow novelist, friendly critiquer, fellow ‘occasional snarker’ and really WONDERFULLY encouraging person when it comes to my writing. A way cool lady with a love for Truth, kairos moments and fun to rival my own 😀

More to follow…

Ten Things of Thankful
Ten Things of Thankful
 Your hosts


47 thoughts on “TToT 28:2 Yes, my heart’s still hardwired…

  1. Sorry Kate – I was in a rush and didn't get an updated pic of the dress. The dress is here –

    Brave is awesome. So poignant for so many.

    And don't worry about being out of the loop – the great thing about the Blogosphere is there's always time to catch up when you're ready.

    I'm struggling with Christmas. It's turned into a trigger for me this year, because we were meant to have at least one baby by now (had I not lost them both) and because shortly into the new year, a change of meds is going to render Husby permanently infertile and I'm panicked and terrified that we'll never have children (adoption under the British system no longer being an option open to us, at least for a goodly number of years yet, due to other circumstances). It's unbelievably hard, and I don't want to make any memories of this Christmas at home because the concept of it will (I think) taint every other year.


  2. I have naps. Sometimes when I come home from work. Sometimes on lunch break, tucked away in the back of the cosy van.

    And HA! Come to our next vidchat and you may yet get the opportunity! You're around Friday. Right?

    I'm unbelievably stubborn is how I stay up so late, so often. And a bit stupid.

    AND NO! Not tired of it. I've switched it out for now, but I ADORE it still.


  3. I was hoping to see a pic of you in your party dress and shoes? Where is it??? You do video chats with bloppies? That's pretty cool. Enjoyed the Brave song. I hadn't heard it before. As I've said before, I live under a rock. I feel so out of the loop – I don't even know what you were struggling with last week. It sounds painful though.


  4. Do you know how much I would have paid to have seen the chat sleeping?! Lots. In all honesty, I probably would have done the same thing…I don't know how you stay up all night like that. But I'm kind of old. I need naps during the day now, ya know.
    Have you tired of Brave yet? I have heard it three times tonight while trying to catch up on my blog reading. Still love it.


  5. *grins* Thanks. I totally won at pudding! It was so much better for the fact that everyone else's kinda sucked a little bit. That kind of mean victory, yaknow?

    You *tried* to guess fortnight 😉 At least you had a shot at it, right? And for reals? Never heard of….wow! Yeah. More English lit for you, m'gal!

    There are definitely some good ones there. I hope you like 'em.


  6. No apologies needed. Not. a. one.

    I'm so happy you like it so much. And I'm sure I'm just saying out loud what MANY people think of your writing. It's incredible and full of wonder. As are you ❤


  7. Awwwh I know you do funny so well, but you also do Real and True and Important and Wonderful. You're far more than court jester – you just like wearing the hat 🙂



  8. Awesome TToT #2. so glad you had fun at your Christmas meal and WON at pudding. For the record, I did guess Fortnight. Dammit. I just wasn't sure. I don't know those other words though. Never heard them in my life. I guess I need to read more English literature!

    Love your new nominees! Great ones on there, and new ones for me that I'll have to get around to checkin' out.


  9. So upon reading this I had a big goofy smile on my face, which my husband noticed right away and asked “what?”. I think it's one of the best compliments I've received because it addresses everything that's important to me and comes from someone whose writing I value so much. So sorry it took an entire day to comment, things were a bit crazy here during the day and this is the first time I've sat down in front of the computer. Thank you. I really cherish this.


  10. Thank you even so much for your kind words!! I'm glad to be of entertainment, even as court-jester 😉 you know they say laughter is the best medicine. After medicine. And alcohol. And….well Happy Holiday madness time. Thank YOU for all the thankful through the madness!


  11. What else would I call it?

    And The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe is absolutely, quintessentially English. And would of course contain those words 😀

    Aplomb just doesn't get said enough. And I'm STILL shocked at people not knowing 'fortnight'…

    I guess they don't read us Empire set…. 😉


  12. Can I just say how much I love that you say 'sledge'? Like in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe! And 'aplomb', of course, which is a delightful word. And, 'fortnight'! Does no one else read British lit?!?!


  13. Sorry to hear yours hasn't been the best week, Yvonne. I shall cross my fingers for both of us for next week.

    Katia's awesome 🙂 I'm glad you read her.

    I read fast, I write fast. I don't get enough sleep and I don't clean the house 😉


  14. I've mainlined that song all weekend Kate. I've really needed it. It has been PERFECT.

    And yeah. Pretty much, though this time I clearly started early! 😉



  15. Great song. Sorry to read your week has not been so great – neither has mine (again) but fingers crossed for a better one next week.
    I haven't read many of those bloggers you listed – Katia of course. I'm not sure where on earth you find the time, especially now you have a job! I bet there are really 2 of you, or maybe 10.


  16. WHOOT! So I see. Looking forward to reading it later, when I get back home. I'm glad you're here, too 🙂

    The song and vid are INCREDIBLE. I'm still mainlining them. I need them.

    And lol! Shame they weren't the same one! Would've been cool, huh? But yeah, a little excess now and again never hurt.

    Hope your week goes well too x


  17. I finally made it in to TTOT! And so glad I did! Loved the song and the video. I think I'd love more people – myself included – to be brave. Catchy too.

    And it sounds like we may have been at similar-type xmas parties this week. I think, once in a while, it's good for the soul 🙂

    Best for next week! – Louise


  18. OHMIGOSH I totally CAN! Wow!

    I so didn't ever think of it that way! *grins*

    And thank you. I have mastered the art. If you could've seen my eyes (which I was so carefully hiding behind lowered lids) you would've seen me go cross-eyed long before I finally dropped off…


  19. You don't cease to exist. I promise you. And sorry I haven't been entering into your most marvellous hop lately. I wasn't able to give it the attention it deserved in terms of going to other people's posts and listening to their songs and commenting, so I had to let it go. Sadly, with regret that there aren't more hours, because I did so enjoy it, and learned so much through it. And that's all down to you.

    But I think of you. I enjoy reading your updates. I know I'm not the most commenty chez toi, but you're there, not beyond the peripherals of my mind, held in thought.

    And yes, if you want to, that's lovely. Thank you 😀


  20. I definitely would, if people here even knew what it meant. To us here, weenie would be used in association with 'teeny', meaning that something is VERYverysmall. Teeny-weeny.


  21. “why I slept with three foreign people over the weekend, how was *your* weekend?”

    (optional Monday morning break room conversation starter).


    I am in awe of your sleep skills (in school I studied the 'rest the forehead on the hand, as if shading your eyes while studying' form…. important to have a pen in the other hand (taped there if necessary) to pull off the look.


  22. You are so awesome. Thank you so much. I am humbled (for real not for fake) I kind of think I cease to exist if I am not actively chatting. It's really nice to know you think of me when I'm not there. Can I give the award right back to you for making me feel so loved??


  23. Awwwwwwwh thanks 🙂

    Are you not a hugger? Wow I totally had you pegged as a rather over-the-top kind of 'hugs everyone' type person 🙂 Just goes to show…internet…yaknow?

    *HUGSBACK* You're very, very sweet to me 🙂


  24. It's AWESOME, right? I love it. I'll have a look at her blog at some point. Or, rather, I'll try to remember to….

    Great music is a good lure though.

    And thanks. And NEVER compare pain or hardship. My life is hard. Your life is hard. There is no grading system. It's ALL the 'tough to ME' stuff which is so relative for each of us.



  25. This is a great song – I've heard it and I loved it instantly. Where did I hear it? Hmm…possibly from Kerry over at Smiffbib. You should check her out – she posts great music and somehow I think you'd like it there.

    And you, my dear, are one of the bravest I've encountered in a long time. I was feeling mildly sorry for myself about ten minutes ago and then I remembered the sorrows your poor heart has endured and I felt like a weenie.

    Yup, I said weenie. That is a word that is used far too seldom.


  26. I've never been called “addictive” before. I like that.

    I've safely tucked this award away into my trophy case and I shall return in January to bestow it upon others. This far too an emotional time for me to get all mushy.


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