7 Quick Takes #50 (yay!) x FTSF

— 1 —
Finish the Sentence Friday

What Actually happened:Once, on Halloween, I…set a trap and found a scary-ish )but probably pretty crap, really) outfit.

I waited in all evening, like a goon, and no-one came. Not. A. Single. Person.

The end.

What should’ve happened: Once, on Halloween, I…made sure I was prepared really early in the evening (after all the sweet little kiddies in their costumes had been round). I took a strong piece of rope, and tied it straight across the pathway to the front door, just at ankle height. Because I knew that soon enough, the hoards of obnoxious teenagers and students in their skanky costumes, with their bags full of eggs and toilet paper, would be making the rounds.

Determined to beat them at their own game, I donned my terrifying outfit, complete with zombie make-up, fake blood and white-out contact lenses, and lay in wait in the hallway, with a book (just to pass the time).

It wasn’t long before I heard the squeak of the gate and the noisy voices of the first crowd of yobs as they came towards the house.

I held my breath…

THUD!

(and, very satisfyingly) “OW! What the %@£# is this?!”

At which point, I leaped out of my chair, flung open the front door and lurched down the path, uttering a truly horrific shriek.

Cue MUCH more swearing and cursing as the teens scrambled over themselves to escape as fast as they could (one, very gratifyingly misjudging the angle of the front gate and giving himself an accidental nut-shot on the corner of it as he tried to barge through alongside one of his friends).

I giggled in a most un-zombie-like fashion, and returned to my book to await the next set of victims.

The night continued until the wee hours, when the last gaggle of drunken university students ended up in a pile on the front path, too limp from alcohol to do anything but try to crawl away in a would-be-scared-if-not-so-sozzled fashion, and hide beneath the azaleas as I came shrieking down the path for the umpteenth, triumphant time.

The next morning I went out early, sans zombie get-up, to untie the rope before it inadvertently tripped the postman over on his morning rounds.

I discovered one, lonely student still passed out in the flowerbeds. And by the look of things, he’d pissed himself.

I cackled with glee at the best post-Halloween moment ever as I fetched my ‘just-in-case’ airhorn and gave him a blast to wake him up before unceremoniously ordering him off the property, ready to face his walk of shame home in his soiled clothes, as I wandered back indoors, light of heart and ready for breakfast.

The end.

What probably would’ve happened: Once, on Halloween, I…set an amazing tripwire across the pathway to the house, ready to topple those cocky trick-or-treaters (not the nice little kids – the loutish teens and drunk students who’d think nothing of sending banners of toilet paper across the house and garden, smashing eggs against the front of the house, or peeing through the letterbox and vandalising the cars on their way out).

I put on my scary outfit and sat in the hallway in wait, and I finally heard the front gate squeak open, then footsteps, then a THUD! Then crying and yelling.

I ran out, with a fearsome banshee wail which got strangled in my throat as I saw the burly, mad-as-hell rugby-payer dad picking himself up off the floor, and trying to scoop up his little girl, who had two bleeding knees, had lost her sweets all over the path, and was sobbing inconsolably.

He shouted at me for ten solid minutes, about what a bad citizen I was, and how dare I spoil Halloween for his precious child, and even MORE SO how dare I intentionally set out to injure and upset people who were just trying to have a bit of fun with their children. He got out a notebook and pen, took my name, and wrote down my address.

A month later I got a letter from his solicitor, filing against me for breach of the peace and general asshattery. I’m still paying the fines now…

— 2 —
Pay attention – it’s COMPETITION TIME!
Pay attention – it’s COMPETITION TIME!
Pay attention it’s COMPETITION TIME! 
I hope you noticed that!
I’m running a competition. (Didja guess?)
I have a post to write soon, which will be (I am reliably informed, unless something horrendous goes wrong) featured on Scary Mommy (y’all have heard of her, right? Ma-HOUSSIVE website, tonnes of followers and subscribers and all kinds of bloggy goodness? HUGE readership views…yes?)
It’s going to be to do with infertility (natch) and I want to include the perfect image of one of the things which bugs me MOST about it. (well, one of the side-effects which bugs me most about it)
And that is The Pity Face.
The expression which often happens when someone hears for the first time that you’re a member of the ‘Can’t Have Kids’ club. The head-tilted-one-one-side, corner-of-mouth-tucked-in, eyes-slightly-crinkled, attempting-to-understand-and-convey-sympathy-but-ohmigosh-just-so-SORRY-for-you face.
That one.
So here’s the deal.
You post a photo of yourself doing The Pity Face on the Considerings Facebook Page (yes, of COURSE you have to ‘like’ it first!), and include your name and (if applicable) blog name and URL. 
I’ll pick a winner, and when I submit the post, I’ll include your awesome photo and credit you, and link your blog. You will be seen by THOUSANDS and I will guarantee you a BARE MINIMUM of one extra visit to your blog afterwards (that’d be mine, to say thank you so much).
— 3 —

If you’ve not seen this yet, you are TOTALLY missing out. Take five. Watch it now. You won’t regret it. (And I challenge you to find someone who doesn’t completely adore watching Ellen laugh til she cries…)

— 4 —

This week was very guest-post-y. Which has been super fun. If you fancy following further into my psyche;

Join me at The Epistolarians for my post The Fat Kid

or at Kissing The Frog for Waves of Grief – part of Kathy’s ‘Grief Stories’ project

— 5 —

I’ll announce it here and announce it there, and announce it and shout it EVERYWHERE – my run in the dark total has been GROWING and has now raised £700 for Cancer Research UK, which is AWESOME, and makes me so happy that so many people have been moved to contribute towards kicking a disease which affects far, far too many people.

— 6 —

This week I discovered (and have been listening obsessively ever since to) China Crisis’ ‘King in a Catholic Style (Wake Up)’

It’s awesome.

And as a treat, here it is, for you 🙂

— 7 —
Come back on Saturday for a VERY MUCH NEEDED Ten Things of Thankful. It’s gonna be awesomerockin’.

Ten Things of Thankful

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

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40 thoughts on “7 Quick Takes #50 (yay!) x FTSF

  1. I really feel that life should have at least a couple of sub-narratives going on, at times!

    And the cartoons – yes, I've finally begun to take on board that Stealing Images From Google is Not Cool. And have been 'told' on more than one occasion, by more than one person. And I figure that if Kristi and Christine can do it, who am I not to be inspired by their brilliance?

    I just hope the pity face competition works! So far no dice…you up for it?

    Like

  2. I love the 'what happened' vs. 'what should have' and 'would've happened'. This is so life. There's always such a big difference between the actually and the should and would. I just love that you include cartoons now AND the pity face idea is just BRILLIANT. You are brilliant, Lizzi.

    Like

  3. Hehehe! I love how creative you are with your writing – always inventing new ways to tell a story. And white-out contact lenses?? Just as well no-one did knock on the door … you might have scared them to death! LOL

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  4. I certainly think so. There are lots of parts of life where I think “Shoot, I could definitely have written this better, given the chance”

    Thank you 🙂 So far I've been liked twice, and I hope the third will be a success.

    HA!

    See you tomorrow 🙂

    Like

  5. love the three way Halloween! it totally should be allowed for (to make the necessary adjustments mid-stream) a proper outcome.
    very cool news on the SM Guest Post…they gonna love you.

    would love to submit a 'pity face' photo, but as we all know, being from the YChrome side of the fence that will not be possible, men not being capable of that particular emotional state.*
    thank you for offering, of course

    See you in Thankful-ville tomorrow!

    *that was a free one for scott out there…lol

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  6. Aw no! Bad phone 😦 Tell it off for me. How very dare it delete your comment!

    Thank you 🙂 and HA! I shall give no indication as to where my head may or may not have been :p

    Pwease? With cherries on top?

    At the moment I have ZERO entries and am about to hit 'publish' on a FB post requesting them – then sit there for hours and hours and hours with NOTHING

    Like

  7. The Ellen video is just AMAZING! I laughed so hard 😀 Just the way he was HIDING BEHIND HER *giggling just thinking of it*

    And thanks.

    And I am WAY (way,way,way,way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay) more envious that you get to meet Kristi, than that you get to meet Scary Mommy. But I hope that you have a truly marvellous time 🙂 What a treat 😀

    Like

  8. What the What? I commented on this right after Christine! I was on my phone so it must not have gone through – DRATS AND BOO! Well, what I wrote was that I'm so very proud of all your guest posting! And I loved your 3-way (story, get your head outta the gutter!) It was very clever and funny! As for the contest, I'm working up my bravery to do it. But ONLY for you, Lizzi! Cuz you're so fun and enthusiastic and awesomerockin'. How could I not? 🙂

    Like

  9. Assshatary is my new favourite word and I never knew that you were a bad ass like that. If only I had two posts to sling a rope on…muwhahhahaha.
    Thousands eh?
    I have a good mug of my pouty face.

    Like

  10. The whole post was fabulous, but I can barely see to type through the tears of laughter after watching that Ellen video. “Stop that! Stop that right now!” So glad your writing is being shared all over the Internet, Lizzi. And not to rub it in, but I'm meeting Scary Mommy and Kristi tomorrow 🙂

    Like

  11. Gotta keep busy! Busy, busy, busy 😀

    Glad you like it 🙂

    And I KNOOOOOOWWW! I love Ellen's pranks. She's the hilariousest.

    I KNOW! I've been twice, and going for a third time is AMAZING. Jill's such a kind person to keep letting me back. And awwww but okay 😉

    Like

  12. Heheheh no indeed! The way things are going here in the UK, the climate is becoming ever-more litigious, and had the scenario have happened, I would probably still have been looking at a lawsuit.

    Yes you can, but I'd prefer a photo :p Up to you 😉

    ME TOOOOOOO! It's amazing. Amy puts up with so much – she's a good sport.

    COOL! Yes please to pics! That's very awesome that you get to meet the lady herself. If you speak to her, tell her I said hi (and then watch as she hasn't a clue who I am 😉 )

    That's very awesome. And you get to go to a BLOGGING CONFERENCE! Which is mega awesome. Totally wish I could come too *pouts* Have a gorgeous time 🙂

    Like

  13. Or Mr. A.R.?

    And Consider this a test – I want to see how good your powers of persuasion are, cos I may have a secret mission for you soon, should you choose to accept it *mysterious*

    Like

  14. I know – I had in mind that it was all going to be just SO perfect. Right up until it would've (doubtless) gone horribly wrong.

    I'm always up for a new partner in crime though 😉

    Like

  15. And oh how I LOVED your three scenarios – you are simply brilliant. You NEED to write a book of short stories- or one big long one!! Have you ever gone “there”?? You need to Lizzi. XO

    Like

  16. Dang girl!!! You- YOU are a busy busy lady!!! I love reading all of this stuff you are sharing- it's just amazing.

    OHMYGOSH that haunted house clip was HILARIOUS!!! 😉

    SOOOOO excited you get to be on scary mommy!!! WOOHOO!!! Not sure I can do a pity face… will leave it up to others.

    Like

  17. You're awesome. Love the three different scenarios and will say that (whether imagined or not) that it's lucky you don't live in the states or that little girl's dad would have surely sued you! Also re: pity face. I drew one once. Can I enter that? Or a new drawing?
    I <3 Ellen. That video rocks. "I'm protecting you" is priceless. :D
    And congratulations on all the guest posts! I actually owe SM one and haven't done it yet…sigh…but – I get to meet her tomorrow! Like, for real! Cool huh? She's going to be at the blog conference that I'm going to giving away her book. So maybe “meet her” is a bit of an overstatement but well, I'll be in the same room with her anyway. Wish you could come too! I'll take some photos for you.

    Like

  18. The three-parter about Halloween was hi-larious…I could picture it all in my head. Perfect!

    I think I can nail the pity face, I am sorry to say…but since I hate having my picture taken, I doubt I'll enter. Unless I can coach my children into it…

    Like

  19. You are brilliant, Lizzi! I love your triple scenarios for Halloween! I laughed out loud for scenarios 2 and 3 and would love to be your partner in crime for scene 2! Oh that would be so satisfying!

    Like

  20. Yes, I would definitely have felt bad. But I was young(er) and dumb(er) and I thought it was about the funniest idea I'd ever had, right until it came to naught. As you say though, probably just as well.

    Looking forward to the hundreds of competition entries for this…(well, the one or two – from people who like me 😉 )

    Yes, yes she is. LOVE what she gets her crew doing.

    Thank you – it's being a successful little bloggy time at the moment.

    And I hope your busy weekend is a fun one. If you don't make it round, the posts will all still be there next week 🙂

    Like

  21. I'm glad no one showed up to trip over your rope. That would have hurt! And you would have felt bad for hurting a sweet little kid or an awesome dad carrying his kid or a kind teen collecting canned goods for a food pantry instead of candy.

    A pity face…I know what it is, but can I make it? We shall see.

    Ellen is one of the funniest people alive. That video was hysterical!

    Congrats on all that donated cash!

    And the guest posts. You are popping up all over the place!

    It's gonna be really busy here in Indiana this weekend. Hopefully I'll be able to get around to visiting everyone before the hop ends on Sunday.

    Like

  22. I like the way you think Lizzi and will say I, too, though would never be able to pull that off, because I would totally screw something up and then it would be a complete bust. But definitely did make me smile at what you would have done if you could have. Thank you so much for linking up s always!! 🙂

    Like

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