Mirror, Mirror, never speak to me again

Today I am very lucky to enjoy being featured over at The Epistolarians.

They like edgy, and the post I sent them can’t be *ahem* cushioned.

It’s full of edges, sharp bits and things which make me go “ouch!”

But because you like me, and I don’t want to let them down by ruining their (thus far, excellent) viewer statistics, couldja be a lamb and follow this link over to go and see it? This linkie right here…

Many thanks.


12 thoughts on “Mirror, Mirror, never speak to me again

  1. I've heard of people taking that exercise. I guess it's easier to be told 'no, you're THINNER than you think; look!' than 'Whoa do YOU think ya look great – here's the reality though…'

    I've not worked out where I stand with aging. I think I'm looking forward to it. I hated (HATED) turning 30, but that was more to do with the disappointed expectations I had for myself with regard to Having A Family, more than because I was “old”.

    I think aging might be okay, because if Husby and I get to do it together, we'll be getting closer to my dream of being little old uglies pottering down to the shops together, still holding hands – having weathered all those storms and still being in love.

    Thank you, though – it truly helps to know that. And goodness knows if/by the time we get through these storms, Husby and I had better bloody well be closer and stronger! That might have to be the New Hope.


  2. As I was thinking on this, during my many hours in the car, I thought, “Really, the mirror isn't the liar. The voices in our heads/our perceptions are the ones being dishonest.” I once saw an exercise where women had to draw outlines of themselves, of how big they thought they were. Then they stood in front of those drawings and their bodies were actually traced. Every one of them drew bodies much bigger than they actually were. It was fascinating. I think I'm sad more about the aging part of the way I look. No matter how much I work out, I'm never going to look young again.
    As for my husband and I loving each other more now…We've been married for almost 20 years. We've been through plenty of ups and wicked downs. When we were 3 years married, we most certainly didn't love each other more than the day we got married. We were in a rough patch, to say the least. Honest to goodness true married love comes after you've battled through some bad times together. Marriage is a cycle. Every time we make it through a difficult part of our marriage, we come out the other side a stronger couple.


  3. Sounds like you have a plan, and have probably earned the time to not worry about the gym for a while, if you've been an athlete all your life.

    I am beginning to figure out (s-l-o-w-l-y) that it's probably less about the mirror, so much as the filter in my (our/all of womankind's) brains which processes the self-image, which is the matter. Maybe in this instance, the grass is always greener.

    I guess it must help to be more in love with your husband now than when you got married, and to know that he feels the same way. That's awesome for you to both know.

    The skipping meals is fine when it's on purpose. I'm trying(ish) to make sure it doesn't happen too often by accident. But the exercise thing is something I really feel I can do. A colleague and I even discussed trying to sign up for the 2015 London Marathon! That would be AMAZING πŸ˜€

    It had to do with, and I don't mind – you know that πŸ™‚

    I'll keep trying to be healthy, thank you πŸ™‚


  4. I was an athlete all through growing up. My BMI hovered around 14 for most of my life. Even through having kids, I never had trouble with getting rid of baby weight. And then Lupus and my 40s hit. These last 3+ years have changed my body big time. I no longer have the flat-stomached, lean, muscled body I used to have. It saddens me, but not enough to do anything much about it. I eat very healthily, but the activity level just isn't what it used to be. I blame it on plenty of things, some are kind of valid. I keep saying, “Next year, when the youngest goes to school, I will get in the pool and the gym.” Basically, I've given myself a pass for one more year.
    I look at myself in the mirror, and I see very few good things. And I wear a size 8, but it's not the 4/6 I used to be. Then I do a little mental slap, telling myself that millions of women would love to be where I am.
    And then I look at my husband. He isn't the same muscular man (with a full head of hair) I married, but I only love him more than I once did. I know he feels the same about me.
    You inspire me. You don't like what you see, so you are doing something about it. That's a very good thing. As long as you do it in a smart way. You are making me a bit nervous with the skipping meals business. That's not healthy. But the exercising is, and you are doing a bang-up job on that end.
    Well, that was a whole mess of rambling, not having much to do with your post at all. I'm guessing you don't mind. πŸ™‚
    Keep on getting healthy. Don't worry about the scale. Worry about how strong you feel. I know hearing it from others doesn't make you believe it, but I'm telling you anyway. You are a beautiful woman. You are a strong woman. The mirror is a mean, awful liar.


  5. You've hit the nail on the head, I think. In the end, size won't matter so much if I can learn to like myself.

    In the meantime, I am smaller, happier, and not unhealthy at the moment, rather just getting into BEING healthy, for the first time ever, I think, through changing my lifestyle in significant ways.

    I'm already in a place where only my opinion matters – sadly my opinion is the Wrong One…that's what I need to fix.

    Thanks for such great feedback though, Helen. πŸ™‚


  6. I have never seen you as a Fat Person, not even a chubby person, just a bubbly fun person. Believe me as a relatively skinny person, you get just as much grief. When I changed jobs I had to have an Occupational health appointment to discuss my eating disorder (which I don't have) because my BMI was 18.5 which was classified on their chart as Dangerously Underweight… I've worked with anorexics and Dangerously Underweight was not what I saw in the mirror… Now I'm comfort eating and (for me) getting a bit chubby round the middle and bottom zones but my BMI still says I'm too tall for my weight. Doesn't mean I don't need to do something about it for ME. Because after all YOU are the only one who's opinion actually matters… If you feel better a healthy size 18 so be it, rather than an unhealthy size 12 half starved and exercising to escape those demons. BTW no matter how far and fast you can run, the demons can still catch up and you don't want to be too tired to tell them to sod off!! Take care Thin Lizzi xx


  7. Aw I hope it wasn't my comments system to blame! It seems to be playing up lately.

    So glad you like it, and that you understand it.

    I'm very much afraid you're far more charitable than I am. I tend to be horribly, horribly judgemental at times, and even as I'm doing it, I know that I'm behaving unkindly and entertaining uncharitable thoughts. I need to try to get out of that. Perhaps if I was any good at looking for the beauty in others, I might get closer to finding any good in the way I look…

    If you could make a mirror which showed our bodies the way the people who love us, see us, you would make BILLIONS πŸ™‚ It's a great idea.


  8. Thanks so much for popping back here, I really appreciate it.

    *MASSIVEHUGS* that you've struggled with the same things. It's a pain in the everything which 'looks' bad. I assume it's a life-long process, too, to learn to like oneself when you and your 'self' get started off on the wrong foot somehow.

    I absolutely agree. The scale and the mirror tell very different stories. I wish that one day they'd get the difference sorted between them! For both of us.



  9. I had a really good, long comment for you Lizzi, but I lost it 😦 But I love everything about this post, its very honest. Most of the time what we see in the mirror staring back at us is not the same thing people see when they look at us. I say this because I look at people and see all different kinds of beauty, I'll say “you look great” and they'll say “no I don't, I'm fat” and it happens the other way around when people tell me “hey, you look great”. If only we could look at ourselves in the mirror and see what other people see


  10. Oh Lizzi…I popped over there and popped back to give you the comment. I have struggled, struggled, struggled with the exact same things and it is not easy. And it is a process. And, I assume, a life-long process. Because the scale may tell me I'm doing ok, but rarely do I see it in the mirror. Thank you so much for putting into words that which has rolled around in my head and heart for years. πŸ™‚


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