I hit a turning point in my life when I…found out that Husby and I were to be rendered infertile by a medication which would restore his quality of life.
Regular readers will know how much this has impacted on my life; my world was shaken to its very foundations as I learned the hard way that we can never rely on our assumptions and that disappointed expectations bring pain of the very bitterest kind.
Since that discovery in September 2012, I have committed to using this blog as a tool for my own healing (writing helps me to sort out the tangles in my mind) and as a source of frank information for those not aware of the issues surrounding infertility (my own particular brand at the forefront of that) and of solidarity – more than one person has said they have felt helped by what I have written, which has made it all worthwhile, and as such I will continue to write on this topic.
I have become more involved in online infertility and miscarriage groups and blogs, and have contributed articles on other blogs (which, though not published yet due to being in queues, I am assured will be – watch this space) and am enjoying the increasing levels of mutual support available between strangers brought together by these devastating events.
It also inspired me to try to change my attitude as I began to heal from the shock and hurt of it, by starting to look for the things in each day (no matter how small) which made me thankful, on the premise that if each day has at least ten things within it that are worthwhile, good or lovely, then the day hasn’t been a total bust and tomorrow might be better, so it’s worth engaging with.
This has been a massive struggle at times and a joy and a pleasure at others. I will continue to weave this magic of gratitude and reap the benefits it brings, one of which being…
The ‘Ten Things of Thankful’ blog hop goes live TONIGHT
Come back later to me or one of my co-hosts and join in the fun and thankfulness. It’s going to be awesome.
(I’m actually very nervous about the blog hop – those I participate in are so well run and garner such an awesome response (FTSF, Quick Takes, I Don’t Like Mondays) that I feel as though I’m going to be trying to compare (silly, I know, in the first week) and might sit later and wait and wait for someone, anyone to join in…you can *really* help me out here by checking back tomorrow and getting in on the action, otherwise I’ll have to somehow go back, edit it out of all my posts and try to pretend it never happened!)
Enough anxiety – time to find my happy place with Ten Things of Thankful #5 (of my personal, two-week challenge)
1. The amazing response of my co-hosts to the blog hop and how excited and nervous they are, too!
2. That I am inside, in the warm and dry, while it’s raining an absolute STORM outside
3. That we did have good news yesterday at Husby’s endocrinologist appointment, and that he will start to feel better in a number of months
4. (not getting back on the rug) That there is even a tiny sliver of a possibility that a small degree of his fertility might be returned to him.
5. That I found someone last night who helped me out with some ways to begin thinking about writing a book, and that once I decide whether or not I think it’s a good idea, I will know someone to go to for pointers.
6. I got to have lovely snuggles with Niece this morning before she went off to preschool
7. Tomorrow I will get to see one of my dear friends AND babysit for my gorgeous Goddaughter
8. I have found three people who have committed to helping me be accountable for doing some exercise (if the rain stops so I can play netball later, that will be a #11 thing to be thankful for!)
9. The mad study tour/camping trip where I fell in the river was undertaken in SUNSHINE (because doing it in this weather would have been miserable)
10. I have assignments to do and time to do them in, and am on par for the highest grade my course awards.
This storm is actually quite impressive for here. We’ve had impressive deluges of rain which have turned the air white with falling rods of water, and repeated rumbles of thunder which have gone on for 20 seconds or so. We don’t normally get them this good.
That said, the sky still has some light in it, and it’s not the properly full-on cumulonimbus Big Bully Storm (which is awesome and terrifying all at once)
I’ve been job-hunting again this week and it’s really soul-destroying. I’ve heard back from two jobs I didn’t get and many more applications seem to have gone unacknowledged. Somehow I need to work up the motivation to carry on applying and also (on the side) get my proposal underway for a magazine I’d like to found…wish I could get paid for just doing whatever I want to (but then I guess it wouldn’t be called ‘work’)