7 Quick Takes #32 x FTSF Nearly there!

— 1 —
Finish the Sentence Friday

I hit a turning point in my life when I…found out that Husby and I were to be rendered infertile by a medication which would restore his quality of life.

Regular readers will know how much this has impacted on my life; my world was shaken to its very foundations as I learned the hard way that we can never rely on our assumptions and that disappointed expectations bring pain of the very bitterest kind.

Since that discovery in September 2012, I have committed to using this blog as a tool for my own healing (writing helps me to sort out the tangles in my mind) and as a source of frank information for those not aware of the issues surrounding infertility (my own particular brand at the forefront of that) and of solidarity – more than one person has said they have felt helped by what I have written, which has made it all worthwhile, and as such I will continue to write on this topic.

I have become more involved in online infertility and miscarriage groups and blogs, and have contributed articles on other blogs (which, though not published yet due to being in queues, I am assured will be – watch this space) and am enjoying the increasing levels of mutual support available between strangers brought together by these devastating events.

It also inspired me to try to change my attitude as I began to heal from the shock and hurt of it, by starting to look for the things in each day (no matter how small) which made me thankful, on the premise that if each day has at least ten things within it that are worthwhile, good or lovely, then the day hasn’t been a total bust and tomorrow might be better, so it’s worth engaging with.

This has been a massive struggle at times and a joy and a pleasure at others. I will continue to weave this magic of gratitude and reap the benefits it brings, one of which being…

— 2 —

The ‘Ten Things of Thankful’ blog hop goes live TONIGHT

  
Come back later to me or one of my co-hosts and join in the fun and thankfulness. It’s going to be awesome.

 The co-hosts

— 3 —

(I’m actually very nervous about the blog hop – those I participate in are so well run and garner such an awesome response (FTSF, Quick Takes, I Don’t Like Mondays) that I feel as though I’m going to be trying to compare (silly, I know, in the first week) and might sit later and wait and wait for someone, anyone to join in…you can *really* help me out here by checking back tomorrow and getting in on the action, otherwise I’ll have to somehow go back, edit it out of all my posts and try to pretend it never happened!)


— 4 —

Enough anxiety – time to find my happy place with Ten Things of Thankful #5 (of my personal, two-week challenge)

1. The amazing response of my co-hosts to the blog hop and how excited and nervous they are, too!
2. That I am inside, in the warm and dry, while it’s raining an absolute STORM outside
3. That we did have good news yesterday at Husby’s endocrinologist appointment, and that he will start to feel better in a number of months
4. (not getting back on the rug) That there is even a tiny sliver of a possibility that a small degree of his fertility might be returned to him.
5. That I found someone last night who helped me out with some ways to begin thinking about writing a book, and that once I decide whether or not I think it’s a good idea, I will know someone to go to for pointers.
6. I got to have lovely snuggles with Niece this morning before she went off to preschool
7. Tomorrow I will get to see one of my dear friends AND babysit for my gorgeous Goddaughter
8. I have found three people who have committed to helping me be accountable for doing some exercise (if the rain stops so I can play netball later, that will be a #11 thing to be thankful for!)
9. The mad study tour/camping trip where I fell in the river was undertaken in SUNSHINE (because doing it in this weather would have been miserable)
10. I have assignments to do and time to do them in, and am on par for the highest grade my course awards.

— 5 —

This storm is actually quite impressive for here. We’ve had impressive deluges of rain which have turned the air white with falling rods of water, and repeated rumbles of thunder which have gone on for 20 seconds or so. We don’t normally get them this good.

That said, the sky still has some light in it, and it’s not the properly full-on cumulonimbus Big Bully Storm (which is awesome and terrifying all at once)

— 6 —

I’ve been job-hunting again this week and it’s really soul-destroying. I’ve heard back from two jobs I didn’t get and many more applications seem to have gone unacknowledged. Somehow I need to work up the motivation to carry on applying and also (on the side) get my proposal underway for a magazine I’d like to found…wish I could get paid for just doing whatever I want to (but then I guess it wouldn’t be called ‘work’)

— 7 —
I’d like to leave you with a challenge this week (because what’s life about if not grabbing the world by the throat and trying to improve it) – see if you can do something kind for someone, which takes you out of your way to do it (and wouldn’t ordinarily be something you’d do). You don’t have to report back (unless you want to) and it’s not compulsory, but I want to at least plant a germ of an idea in your mind, which might float up to the surface at a convenient moment when you could do something about it this week.

For more lovelywonderful Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!
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30 thoughts on “7 Quick Takes #32 x FTSF Nearly there!

  1. The garage sale sounds fun (but hectic) – I hope it goes well and look forward to you joining us next week.

    The infertility thing has been one helluva ride. We wanted to adopt anyway and had always considered that we would; we just didn't realise it might be an 'instead of' rather than an 'as well as' – oh the things we take for granted! One way or another, I am determined that we will have a family and adoption WILL be part of it.

    The stigma sucks and it's something I'm actively trying to combat by posting here and submitting posts to other blogs. I'm looking forward to seeing how else it can be done.

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  2. Boy, I didn't know the background on your infertility situation. That sounds very difficult. I look back to those years when we struggled through the same thing and remember how painful it was. Adopting our children took my mind off of most of that. I know adoption isn't for everyone, but it helped heal some (not all, but most) of our wounds around infertility – to the point that I can even joke about my own infertility now. I joke mainly because I don't like the stigma that is associated with infertility. I want to blast that crap out of the water. I hope your hop goes well. I've been bogged down the past three days with my annual garage sale, so I hope to check out the hop next week!

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  3. That sounds great Kristi. It's so exciting already!

    And thank you for your kind words. I suppose the unique thing about the blogging community is that you can instantly make a connection with people who've had similar experiences whereas in Real Life you'd likely never cross paths. It is a wonderful platform and I am continually amazed and thankful for it.

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  4. The blogging community is often more supportive than the in-real-life people who have experienced loss and bad news. Well at least for me. And yes to job hunting being soul-destroying. Oh and your (our) blog hop will be amazing. I have to work tomorrow but will go live tomorrow night or early Sunday. You are awesome, amazing and powerful. Your life will be wonderful and yours. I know that's hard to believe right now…and will be for longer than is fair…but, well. I pray that you get what you want.

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  5. I have not struggled with infertility, so I cannot begin to understand how you feel. However, I admire your commitment to focus on positivity and gratitude & I'm glad you are finding support through the blogging community!

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  6. Yes I've been thinking that if nothing else, there will be nine of us involved 🙂 The idea of finding five good things about your husband is a really good one to combat the stress infertility can bring to a relationship. I might have to try that one – thanks for mentioning it.

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  7. As I've said before I think you've identified some of the best tools in dealing with any difficult situation, focusing on what you're grateful for. When I was struggling with my own fertility my coach (I had a coach…) suggested exactly that, I was already doing it intuitively but she helped me particularize what I was doing and every night I'd look for 5 good things that happened that day and 5 good things my husband did, because it was a period of tension between us. This hop is a wonderful idea and don't put too much pressure on yourself about how many participate on the first week. It'll grow every week, although you've got a great group there with you and your co-hosts so you may be surprised once it goes live!

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  8. Midnight your time – I've changed the time parameters on the inLinkz thing so that we're all covered midnight tonight to midnight Sunday from Berlin to Wakefield 🙂

    And I beg to differ – you can DEFINITELY step in the same river twice (as I learned this week) especially if one time you step in with intent to paddle and later fall in drunk…

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  9. good post, yo.

    “…otherwise I'll have to somehow go back, edit it out of all my posts and try to pretend it never happened!)”

    lol (this prompts me to roll out my favorite famous old saying), 'ya know, you can't step in the same river twice'.

    so midnight your time?? or midnight my time? ayiiee

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  10. I'm so pleased to be able to give back – I feel that when it happened to me I turned into a bit of a vampire and just TOOK for a while there. It's great to turn it around. The community's amazing – I love how *for* one another people are – the milk of human kindness is all right here online 🙂

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  11. I too love the support of the blog community, and I wish I had been blogging when I experienced my pregnancy loss. There are so many resources out there now, and so much support. I am really glad that you have become a source of comfort and inspiration to other, too.

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  12. Thanks for the inspiration. I am in a Dr exam room so I may have to cut this short. I want to know more about your blog hop.I will linger and look around for awhile. Thanks for you nice comment too.

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  13. Thanks – you're a star!

    And I've found it a (hard but) important thing to not view fertility as having to do with worth or 'deserving' because then it's very easy to get completely screwed up about it, though in principle I would agree that there are parents out there who have not behaved in a manner which is appropriate or conducive to the raising of children and there are exemplary people out there who are infertile, and really it's not 'fair'…it's just not a matter of fairness in the end. If your plumbing works, it works and the natural course of things is to reproduce. At this point you earn your stripes as a good or a bad parent. If your plumbing doesn't work, it can feel unfair, but it's just bad luck really. And good things can come out of other areas of life.

    Sorry – a bit of a rambly one there.

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  14. I think it must be very hard to deal with infertility. Especially when there is no shortage of fertile people. Added to those fertile people who probably shouldn't be so fertile (yes, I went there). BUT I think it is great that you had a turning point where moving forward to healing.

    I hardly ever post on the weekend, but I feel guilty enough by your plea to try 🙂

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  15. Thank you. I always enjoy your blog and the hope it gives me because of your story. Thank you for your ongoing updates – they are precious because you have shared the history of them 🙂

    As for helping – go and do it! I double-dare you 🙂

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  16. ((HUGS)) I am deeply sorry and will be praying for you and for that one chance to grow into a reality. I've been there for many years and thought it would not get better, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
    Love the idea of helping someone else, it always makes you feel better.

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  17. Thank you for stopping by, Melanie. The novel is appreciated – I do love a juicy comment 🙂

    Well done you for doing that kind thing. As you say, it doesn't matter that it appears small – it WILL make a difference and it WILL help. That matters.

    The Reece's Rainbows charity I try to support from afar uses the story of the boy on the beach which is flooded with stranded starfish. He starts picking them up and throwing them back into the ocean. A man comes along and sees the magnitude of the problem; he sighs, looking down the beach “You just can't help them all, son” he tells the little guy, but the boy lifts up a starfish and turns to the man “No, but I can make all the difference in the world to this one.”

    That's the dream – if we all work together, we can make it happen.

    I hope that when you start trying for a family, you find it simple, easy and the way it is meant to be – I daresay I'll read updates on your blog. All the luck in the world.

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  18. You are such a huge inspiration! Wow. I think this is the first post of yours I'm reading and it's hard to explain what I'm feeling right now. Inspired for sure. We have similar thoughts about kindness this week, because I've felt like I've been lacking in that department. I dropped off a blanket for an abused children's home this morning – after delaying it for 2 weeks because of flu's in the house, etc…and though it was only one blanket, I know it will make a difference to one child. If only everyone thought like this. What a difference one kind deed does. A kind word goes a long way too. You are brave writing about what you're going through here, and I'm glad you have so much support. I can't even imagine. We haven't started trying for that yet – still trying to get settled with me writing full time and now moving again. I'll stop writing you a novel, just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your post today. 🙂

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  19. Awesome – I hope you find a fantastic opportunity. Thank you for your kind words and feedback – I'm glad (and rather surprised) that I have such a positive impact.

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  20. It's amazing really, how genuinely supported you can be (and supportive you can be of) people who are continents apart. It's a wonderful thing, this internet stuff. I continue to be pleasantly surprised by the level of difference it can make.

    Any time – thanks for continuing to host. I only hope to emulate you all 😉

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  21. I'll try every trick in the book! But I'll try to calm down and be less controlling *findthehappyplace, findthehappyplace* aaaaaaaaaaaaaand breathe. But yes, you will too, if it fails (which it won't).

    It's out there – I just have to keep looking. And keep looking. Something will turn up.

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  22. Couldn't have said it better about how wonderful and supportive the blogging community really is and I am honestly floored how kind everyone always really is and has been to me in my own blogging journey.

    That said, I am so excited for you about your new hope tonight and thank you as always for linking up with us!! 🙂

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  23. Way to guilt people into participating! 🙂 Your comments about going back and changing posts to pretend the hop never happened made me smile. And cry, seeing as how I'd have to do the same thing. It will be fine…it will be fine..
    Sorry to hear the job hunt isn't going well. Keep your chin up. Your perfect job is out there somewhere.

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  24. Brilliant, thanks 🙂 I'll be interested if anyone gets back to me next week having done something awesome. *lottery voice* It Could Be You!

    Might see you on the hop tomorrow; have a great today.

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  25. Okay the germ idea is planted. I'll see what I can do. Wonderful post. Don't you love the support of the blogging community? I'll keep the thankful hop in mind today. Have a wonderful Friday.

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