I blog because…Well, mostly because I want to, but the process has altered in its justification as time has gone by.
It began as a bit of an academic exercise to try to brush up my ‘writing for an audience’ skillz with a view to getting into publishing at some point in the future. It was also an outlet for the weird things which arrive in my head and simply have to come out somehow or other. Saves my friends’ sanity if I can express these things to the internet at large instead of them in particular.
There’s also always been a large element of being ‘wordy’ and absolutely loving being a bit of a
show off storyteller, using language to express anything at all I choose and really enjoying formulating the posts and using lots of gorgeous grammar; my favourites being the semi-colon and (in case you missed this one a while back (and no, Christine, I’m not saying it just because you did (…cos I’d never copy anyone I look up to just to seem cool (really)))) parentheses (especially stacked). And keeping my self-given title of the ellipses queen…
I got lots of lovely, flattering feedback, which boosted my ego no end, and found loads of blogs I loved and started to collect them (and read them daily) just to enjoy the stories people shared about their lives.
Then suddenly, there was the threat of impending infertility, so I started seeking out adoption blogs and infertility blogs to get some idea of how people had found either of these things so I knew what to expect. The generosity and frankness with which people shared their stories – the beauty and the heart-rendingness of it, was hugely inspiring (and comforting and educational) and I decided that if/when it all happened, I’d follow suit and try to ‘give something back’.
Then we lost two babies very early on and the information, personal stories and shared experiences via the blogosphere was something of a lifesaver and stopped me going completely out of my mind.
Now it’s more like a theraputic outlet for the mess that is my life as well as the occasional ramble into the fun stuff. It’s also helping me to be accountable to try to change my attitude for the better, through my Ten Things of Thankful series.
I hope that at some point, it will largely get back to the fun and frivolous, but life’s full of ups and downs, and for the sake of honesty, I may as well document both.
This is a note-worthy post – not only is it my 30th set of Quick Takes, it’s my 200th post overall! Doesn’t time fly? (just wanted that out there)
Ten Things of Thankful (I’ll pretend I didn’t forget yesterday)
1. The women in the Why NO kids? group on Facebook. They are wonderful, awesome allies in this infertility thing. We all support one another, listen to one another’s rants, cheer each other on when there’s good news, share pertinent stories and information, swap pictures of favourite shoes and have the occasional hilarious conversation about ferreting heteros and the goatfish (what happens when autocorrect is allowed to have it’s wicked way). New people are rocking up all the time, which is sad for them for needing to be there, but it’s such an amazing community it helps to mitigate the pain a little.
2. I had a one-off job today at the nursery where I used to work, and it went really well. It was nice to be back, though it did confirm to me that I don’t want to work with children on a permanent basis for the time being. As brutiful (thanks for this term, Glennon) as it was, I can’t begin to think about coping with the hassle of explaining to all the parents there (customers, with whom I need to maintain a professional relationship) about not being able to have kids when they ask, having known all about it when I got married 3 years ago. I can do without that ‘pity face’ so many times over.
3. BUT I did get an amazing set of loooooooong cuddles with one of my favourite (I know, I know, not meant to have ’em) little girls, and when she got picked up, with her older sister, who I looked after since she was a baby and love still seeing and catching up with.
4. The fabulous group of ladies I play netball with of a Friday. They’re SUCH fun and we just have an amazing time. We played in spite of rain (email from our leader “Come anyway and we’ll pretend it’s January”) and cold (it’s MAY, world – couldja catch up?) and had the most wonderful time. I also noticed that I am less often out of breath and am getting much better (I crash into people less). Also got some friendly rivalry going on with one of the ladies (started when we first realised we were as gobby as each other and has blossomed into a wonderfully funny competitiveness) and spent some hilarious moments running circles round one another, blissfully ignorant of anything so paltry as the ball…
5. Husby cooking the dinner for me while I sat and relaxed after a very busy day.
6. Husby’s wonderful endocrinologist phoning him with results from blood tests (good, showed a direction to go in) and a plan to Make Things Better. I just don’t know how much better at the moment, so am waiting for clarification.
7. Loving the 5:2 diet , which is totally sustainable as a lifestyle, is working out cheaper than our shopping used to be, and since beginning it 5 or 6 weeks ago has helped me to shed nearly a stone 🙂
8. This song, which I first heard this week and LOVE the melodies of (though the words leave a little to be desired)
9. Getting to see my bezzie friend next week after too long apart 🙂 I can’t wait.
10. You, because you bothered to read all this, and, well…thanks 🙂
I made a start on the books on anger when they arrived. I started with Angry All The Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control. It’s fine (apart from a mildly snidey tone, which can largely be ignored) and has caught me out a coupla times already, so I guess I really do have an issue to address. But the book offers some really good insights and strategies, which I’ll have to work on.
I’m very excited, because we are soon to have a new bookshelf, which will be custom-built and will cover the entire wall at the end of our living room. It’s going to be completely gorgeous. I’m one of these people who can never (I really mean it) have enough books. I adore them.
|That’s where they’ll be. They’re gonna be so suh-WEET!|
I’ve been having an on-and-off argument with a friend who thinks it’s somewhat cute (not to mention, acceptable) to pretend to be a cat on the odd occasion (only via facebook chat) and can’t see my point that, well, it’s nuts! I feel I need to garner more opinions – I’m not the only one who thinks this is strange, right?
(Oh, yeah. Sunshine.)
|Please come back, Mr Sun. We miss you so much.|