Without being close to admitting that all is well in the world (or that there’s a silver lining worth mentioning) I can say that today, things are better.
It’s been a strange sort of day and I’ve mostly wandered around feeling as though I’m wearing dark glasses and being followed by a small raincloud. Particularly after the school run with Niece and Neff, when I saw a lady dragging her toddler across the road by one arm, shouting at him, and in the baby aisle of the supermarket, where I tried hard (and failed) not to notice the cute tiny vests, socks and summer clothes.
As hard as it is these days to see someone clearly enjoying spending time with their baby, or to see someone pregnant (as long as they’re not smoking, which instantly leads towards a ‘mercury moment’) I can still appreciate that they’re lucky and try not to begrudge them their happiness. When I see someone who clearly has no time for their child (such as the woman I saw after school, or another one locally the other day, who was busy chatting with her friends, ignoring her young daughter completely or threatening to slap her when the child (clearly bored) played up).
The Facebook group I’ve joined (Why NO kids?) has a developing gang ready for these women, not to mention all kinds of other ‘fertiles’ who (largely) unintentionally rub salt into the wound*. The suggestion (which is as mood-lightening as it is genuinely appealing as a method of stress-relief and pain-sharing) is to don boxing gloves and punch them swiftly in the vagina.
Yes, it’s crude. Yes it’s uncalled for, and no we won’t actually do it, but we are a group of trying-very-hard-not-to-be-embittered, hurting women who daily suffer the hidden agony of infertility, and we need a way to bond, offload and buoy one another on in the face of everyone else’s abundance.
There’s not much it doesn’t affect, either. You go to the shops – you see parents with babies. You go to the park – you see parents with kids. You turn on the TV – you see parent-oriented adverts. You tune into the blogosphere and you find bazillions of Momblogs. All of which is perfectly natural and normal and a complete kick in the teeth.
Because here’s the rub – we aren’t natural. We aren’t normal.
We are broken in body and/or spirit. And not being able to take part in this very basic, biological function of bearing and nurturing children leaves us bereft. But here, we can be open and honest and express some rather taboo and widely unacceptable frustrations** and find support amongst those who are travelling that same, hard path.
And although we all hate that we all have to be there, we are a community of people who genuinely care for each other and want to make it better for one another. And in our own, weird way, the tongue-in-cheek forming of a gang of Vag-punchers is therapy.
* F’rinstance, the people who say “You probably just need to relax” or “At least you get to have lie-ins” or (jokingly) “Do you want mine? They’re nightmares”. Just NO, alright?
** Such as seeing repeated posts of people’s ultrasounds and either un-friending them or deleting their news feeds because it’s just too hard.
Ten Days of Ten Things of Thankful #1 – New challenge
The week of thankful went variably, with me managing to post my lists on time 5 days out of 7. But as evidenced by this end of the week, my attitude still needs some work, so I’m stepping up my game. Ten days, this time. Feel free to join in.
1. The internet – without which I wouldn’t be able to be part of this wonderful, supportive group
2. The blogosphere – I do love Momblogs really, just some days it gets a bit much.
3. Husby – he’s feeling terrible today but still making an effort to fill in some urgent forms which only he can attend to.
4. My Mum – we’re going to lunch tomorrow to spend some downtime. And it’s her treat 🙂
5. Neff – who pretends not to like me, but wants to be in contact with me when he’s playing Pokemon and trying to get me to help him
6. Sis – who sympathises with me and listens to me ranting on
7. Tesco – which provided a GREAT Father’s Day card (I won’t spoil the surprise though) – June 16th, ye in the UK
8. Studentiness – not the peniless side of it, but the side which means I have lots of spare time to try to begin to cope with this before needing to be in a job for most of my waking hours
9. Cereal – more pertinently, the fact that I still have a serving of Cinnamon Toast Crunch waiting in the box
10. Grain bags – nothing like microwave-heated wheat in fleece to help soothe those aches and pains.