After all my thankfuls and attempts to look for the silver lining, last night brought me right back down.
There was a situation, created by Husby, which really wasn’t that major, but tapped into one of my major triggers for stress, anxiety and panic. Instead of managing the situation appropriately, I managed a 0-1,000,000 miles an hour and made it far worse by responding with shouting and violence. THIS is why my Wise Woman was trying to tell me about anger, huh?
So tonight I was chatting things over with my WonderAunty, and with her propensity to always be able to come up with a plan to help, she ordered me some anger management books, which sound really positive and have awesome reviews.
I only hope they help.
This, plus feeling down today (and with a side-helping of insult-added-to-injury weird indigestion-type problems) left me in a gloomy, weeping mess, being comforted by Mum, Husby and WonderAunty, all of whom wanted to help but despite all their suggestions were utterly unable to alter space and time and make my two babies not dead, or fix Husby, or make us able to have children.
Today is not a thankful day. Today is one I want over and done with.