7 Quick Takes #19 x FTSF

— 1 —
Finish the Sentence Friday

Speaking from experience, I’m going to give you a little advice on…

Another doozy for me – most advice I can give will probably be from the ‘How not to…’ side of life.

If in doubt, listen to your Mum (or my Mum, if yours is no good at advice – mine seems to have a corner on it)

The thing is, I’m great at giving advice – I love to be able to offer a solution, and a lot of the time I think I know what’s best for people, but I’m absolutely, utterly terrible at taking my own advice. And until I can do better at that, I’m not entirely sure I have a leg to stand on to advise anyone else on pretty much anything! Things like going to bed on time and having a healthy lifestyle.

What I’ve found helpful, though, is to watch trash telly to make yourself feel better about being you. If your house is messy, look up ‘How Clean Is Your House?’ and by the time Kim and Aggie have finished with the poor sod with the dirtiest, grimiest, most-cringeworthy tip you’ve ever seen, you’ll look around and your home will be a sparkling, minimalist beauty by comparison. Likewise if you feel you could be a little slenderer and a little fitter, seek ye out ‘Embarrassing Fat Bodies’ and gawk and feel really quite healthy by comparison.

The sad thing is, none of that actually changes anything, but it does provide a sticking plaster over the gaping problem beneath.   

Actually, there is one thing I feel thoroughly qualified to tell you, and as advice goes, this is utterly golden.

Read more books

And if you know any kids, read to them as well.   

— 2 —

I was challenged on Monday to rescue the world from find an alternative to the somewhat insulting term ‘miscarriage’. I succeeded, I think, with Neverborn.

— 3 —

SETI still needs your votes for Pluto’s moon’s name – please pick Vulcan, pleeeease? There are only three days left to vote!

— 4 —

Neff is getting slightly creepy. He creates these awesome, imaginative games (and expects me to join in, in a loop, on repeat, for hours). They often involve some kind of sorcery or control (not sure what TV programmes he’s watching in his spare time, but I have a strong suspicion they might be to blame).

Today’s offering went as follows

Neff: In a suitably spooky voice, whilst waving his brand new ‘biker eagle style’ necklace in circles in front of my face  I’m in your mind…I’m in your mind…I’m in your mind
Me: Rolling eyes and pretending to be zombified I’m in your mind – I can see through your eyes, I can hear through your ears, I can…smell through your nose?*
Neff: Laughing like the proverbial drain Again! Do it again! I’m in your mind…I’m in your mind…
Me: No, we’ve done this a hundred times
Neff: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease? I’ll make you think of one more – I’m in your mind…I’m in your mind…

And so on ad nauseum
 
*Substitute with ‘taste through your mouth’, ‘bite with your teeth’, ‘sit on your bottom’, ‘tickle your tummy’, ‘use your toes to brush my teeth’, ‘take off your hair and use it as a cushion’, ‘whatever other crazy thing I can think of’

— 5 —

The ‘horsemeat in your ground beef’ saga continues here, and I’m loving all the jokes which are coming out of it.To be honest, I’m not bothered if I eat horsemeat (and it’s SO unlikely because I rarely eat pre-made meals) and the Italians seem to be grouchy about it only inasmuch as they have to pay a premium for the stuff and we’re getting it to cheapenify cow meat products.

Here’re two of the best jokes – chip in if you know any more

To Findus or not to Findus, that is equestrian.

Tesco Lasagne (Now with no added Shergar)

Not to mention the hilarious Tesco spoof apology

Dear customers,

We at Tesco would like to offer our sincere apologies for the discovery of horse DNA in our beefburgers. We would like to assure you that we will ensure no further horse DNA is included in this product and commit to returning to production with the quality ingredients you have come to expect of our burgers – eyeballs, skin, testicles and arseholes.

— 6 —

Nightmare and the Cat. Apparently this song sounds a bit like a song (not sure which – let me know if you figure it out) by Radiohead. I don’t like Radiohead. I do like these guys.

— 7 —
 Further to my advice to read more books, for lack of anything else, I’ll offer a selection of some I’ve read and loved recently. Do as you will with the list (but do try and read at least some of them – you’ve read this far on these Quick Takes and these writers are far, far more talented than I – I have faith in your perseverance, reader!)
What Every Parent Needs To Know (Margot Sutherland) –  A fascinating and very fresh look at child development from the point of considering their neurological development and how early experiences can affect it permanently. It’s a wonderful, edifying read and I’m secretly campaigning for it to be re-titled ‘What Everybody Needs To Know’ – there’s so much in there that I recognise in myself and various children I know. It’s awesome. I cannot say this enough. If there’s only ONE book you read this year, let it be this.
The Bookseller of Kabul (Asne Seierstad) – picked this up for 70p in a charity shop and would have paid full price. A fascinating look at the culture in Kabul through the eyes and experiences of one family – the bookseller’s. 
The Missing Ink (Phillip Hensher) – as yet unfinished, but well, well worth a read. Loving it. Makes me want to write for real, on paper, with ink. It’s lovely.
 The Rose Petal Beach (Dorothy Koomson) – another truly stunning work from Ms Koomson, with wonderful, near-tangible characters, a great plot and a twist at the end which you truly do not see coming. Puts you back in touch with emotions, this one does. A book much like a bubble bath you immerse in and keep topping up with hot.
The Horologicon (Mark Forsyth) – Just super. Random and archaic words for different times of the day. Great fun and highly informative. 
That’s surely enough to be going on with!  
 
For more Quirky Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!
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12 thoughts on “7 Quick Takes #19 x FTSF

  1. It is, and when I read the descriptions of each, I considered I was probably mostly a Clark, but will keep reading to discover how usual it is to be a particular type with a sub-set of another. I am keen to find out more about how they interact – they all seem so different! Thanks for getting back to me.

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  2. Ay, they started out discovering horse DNA in one product and now it seems most pre-made meals-with-beef are being checked and withdrawn from shelves. I don't think people so much mind having eaten horse, as they mind being mis-sold stuff. Needless to say, the manufacturers are all embarrassed and claiming they know nothing. We'll see! Could be a malicious effort on part of a few, could be a desperate attempt to keep costs down, who knows, but it's very widespread!

    The jokes are great and they keep coming! Can't say 'neigh' to that…

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  3. Dude-ette!

    We need you to call in to the Wakefield Doctrine Saturday Night Drive Call-in Show (not really a 'show' it's one of those conference call lines that lets multiple people talk at once).
    Serially, it is considered good manners around the Doctrine to let people to conclude for themselves if they will get something from the Wakefield Doctrine (which) of the three personality types a person might be.
    But I so enjoyed this Post (and your Comment) and suspend that rule, lol
    (nah, I am such a clark that I will not do that….)
    But I enjoyed your Post. what the hell, I am the Chief Articulator for the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers and if I can't enjoy certain liberties 'cause of that, why bother?
    Here's a short cut to see which of the three personality types and it's real simple, no trick questions.

    Of the three types only clarks are capable of thinking, in all sincerity and comfort (with the concept) the following: “I am here and the world is out there”
    Pretty simple, isn't it?

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  4. Have you blogged about what you're reading? I love reading about other people's reading habits. Do you normally work on one book or read several at once? So much to like about reading habits.

    Truth is good and maybe in some cases good is comparative.

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  5. I love reading. You reminded me I hadn't updated my Book list on my blog. Although nothing has changed because I'm still reading the same things I was 11 days ago, the last time I updated.

    I usually feel better when I look at people worse off than me. That sounds kind of bad. But it's true.

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  6. I may just check out The Jesus and Mary Chain – I've not heard of them.

    Reading is awesome – keep it up and pass it on, I say!

    Neff is short for 'Nephew' (it's easier to write).

    Thanks for reading and commenting.

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  7. Considerer – Okay, you've got me as to what Radiohead this sounds like. It does, however, sound a lot like The Jesus and Mary Chain, although the lead vocalist sounds more like Ghostland Observatory. (I've been a music freak of rock/alternative genres for decades, what can I say.) I've read books for as long as I can remember. I used to go to the library twice a week and get the max three books at a time. Just something my mother instilled in my and, btw, very good advice. Also, is Neff short for Neff Herder from Star Wars insults? Great post!

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  8. Reece, I totally agree with you on Mom somehow always being right and mine usually always was and still is!! Also, loved the advice on reading and also couldn't agree more. Love to read and thankfully so do my girls!! Thanks as always for linking up with us, too!! 🙂

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