An unprecedented second-post-in-a-day: Letters to Life

Just a few things I need to get off my chest while I’m stuck in the house on my own with no-one to talk to…

Dear Husby,

Next time you ask me if I’d like you to stay home Friday evening and greet me from my week away, the answer will be “Yes”. ‘Yes’ because it’d be lovely to see you as soon as possible, ‘yes’ because actually coming home to an empty house for the evening is rather dull and mostly ‘yes’ because I can then ask you “Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!”, as in “WHY does my side of the bed look like its been rifled by burglers? WHY was all your stuff balanced so precariously that when I tried to take back my cushion from under the (what seemed to be neatly stacked) boxes did the top one throw itself all over the floor? WHY was the kitchen window wide open and me wondering why I was freezing cold? Why, why, WHY?

Love you,

Wifey xXx

Dear Husby’s socks

I know you have a propensity to turn inside out when you even *see* the man, but seriously. Every. Single. Sock? Did you all gang up in the washing machine or what?

Sort yourselves out,

Woman.

Dear Washing Machine

I know the socks have a SERIOUS issue, particularly Husby’s (I’ve had words with them) but really? All the t-shirts inside out too? They do NOT go in like that. I know. I put them in. And I’m always SO careful to put my own clothes into the wash the right way round.

You’re not coming with us when we move, that’s forsure!

Charlady.

Dear Asus

If you want to make a tiny, cute-but-useful netbook like my EeePC, PLEASE don’t put such a crappy charging pin into the socket. Your charger cables aren’t that well made, and all the jiggling about to get the wires to connect so it charges, then taking the cable apart to solder it and put them back together – that stresses out the tiny-winy pin and then, one day, when it’s most crucial I have a computer for the forseeable future, it snaps. This is just not on.

Sort your lives out,

Niggled-to-heck.

Dear Government

If you want more than 20% of the populace to vote in your police commissioner elections, would you mind sending some information other than ‘Dear Constituent – you need to vote for your police commissioner on X date’? It is your responsibility to facilitate democracy, after all, and we can hardly wink in the dark on something that’s clearly so important.

Little things, like ‘What a police commissioner is’, ‘Who the candidates are and why they want to be elected’, ‘Why we’re asking you to vote’. Those kinds of things.

Thanks,

A non-voter.

Dear blogspot/blogger.com/whatever

Just because I’m on a different computer than usual doesn’t mean you can disallow me to post replies on my own blog. This is mean and uncharitable, especially as I can’t use my computer at the moment (see letter to Asus). I’d really like to post replies to people who are kind enough to take the time to comment.

Sort your ‘net out,

Thwarted blogger.

Dear life

Please could you slow down, just a teensy bit? Or put a few more hours in the day that I could access? Is there a secret code?

Let me know,

Bewildered

Dearest sister

Re: Dear Life

I know it’s your birthday and I have gotten you half-a-present. I may even have gotten you the other half, it’s just I’ve been away and I think the birthday fairy went on strike cos the birthday-present-list-book never got checked in time to do an emergency Amazon order (if one were necessary). So if the worst has happened and there’s no other half, I hope you won’t mind having your Christmas present as your other-half-of-birthday present and I’ll get you something else for Christmas.

Sorry pardon

Frazzled Bean xXx

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2 thoughts on “An unprecedented second-post-in-a-day: Letters to Life

  1. Ahhh thanks. We're onto 'Christmas-card-making-day' now. With youth work this evening. And the computer to fix. And my sister's present to find! Amazing how much can be fitted into a day! Hope your weekend goes really well 🙂

    Like

  2. Well, that's not the ideal welcome home now is it? Blasted washing machine. I'd hate them if it didn't mean I'd have to wash clothes by hand.
    Hope you get a new cord stat.
    And you and Husby have a lovely day together tomorrow.

    Like

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