A time to grieve

Dear Tiny Bean

I was so excited all week to think you might be there, growing inside me. That’s why I left it til the weekend to take the test – I wanted to be really sure I hadn’t just got my dates wrong. Which was why I was so confused (for half an hour) about the negative result. I had been so sure.

Well, I was right, wasn’t I.

Only it’s so devastating that the confirmation came in losing you. You barely had a chance to establish yourself – 5 weeks at most – you can let me know one day.

I can only presume that this is the right thing to have happened, that you never would have made it on your own. I suppose there’s something to be said for me never having been able to really feel like your Mummy, to have begun to love you any more. Except now you’re gone I feel it so much and miss you terribly.

There are so many things I’m sad you’ll never experience (and a few I’m glad you’ll never have to endure). I wish I could see you with your Daddy, looking at him and seeing the similarity. I wish I could introduce you to your Grandparents, your Great Aunty, your Uncle, your Aunty and your wonderful cousins. I wish I could have looked after you for longer.

I am sure things are better where you are, and that you’re not too sad about how me and Daddy feel at the moment. I hope you meet your family – the ones we miss dearly and those we never had the chance to meet. I expect you’ll get on with them – if your character is anything like your parents’, you’ll be cracking jokes and making them all laugh.

I’ll try to remember you always and hope that when I meet you one day, you’ll be proud that I was your Mummy. I hope by then you’ll have brothers and sisters, too, though selfishly I’d like to meet them before you do.

I miss you.

Love you, my child

4 thoughts on “A time to grieve

  1. Thanks hun. I presume it was standard genetic geflergle (as Husby would say) which happens so often (apparently). Not really anyone to blame. Just one of those things. We'll be in touch 🙂 xXx

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  2. Thank you. It seems (sadly) much more prevalent than I ever thought. I saw a couple in the supermarket tonight with their brand new baby and welled up but my very sensible sister said they'd probably already gone through the bit I'm going through now.

    Sorry to hear about your babies too.

    And yes, I'll remember, but for now, onward and upwards – maybe next time.

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  3. oh, I'm so sorry. I know it hurts. I've had two miscarriages at 7-9 weeks, and it just plain hurts. And yes, you will remember that baby forever. Thankfully, it won't always hurt as much as it does now, but you will remember. Hugs and prayers coming your way.

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